How to cope now that DH is returning to work

[InsomniaQueen]

I have a LO (3 weeks) and my DH returns to work next Monday. We now have a week to get into some kind of schedule that allows him enough sleep to function on at work and gives me enough time for naps so that I can manage the night feeds.

Obviously he will be doing much less as he will be going back full time and I will be at home but just wondered what experience other people had with this? How you managed? Which jobs/roles did you take on so that everything got done?

Many thanks.

you are worrying about nothing.

Obviouslly you get a nap when baby has one, if you need it.

I never got dh up at night if he was working. He would help at weekends. But you will get through it. At that age all th baby does is feed and sleep. Save your worries for when he/she is a toddler and into everything and you cannot turn your back for a moment.

Seriously though what do you mean by getting everything done. What needs tobe done?

Do a bit of housework as and when you feel like it.

think of quick and easy meals.

food shop online if you dont want to go out.

I have a newborn, my DH and I share night feeds otherwise I go a bit mental and the way we do it is A goes to bed at 8/9pm, B stays up until DS2 has had late evening feed (about11pm) then A gets up at 3am, B gets up at 5am, whoever is feeling most knackered gets to "lie in" until 7/8am. We also divvy up daytime napping opportunities as fairly as possible but then we work irregular hours anyway and I am currently on ML.

The good thing about our system is that both of us get a good chunk of sleep all in one (usually 3 hours min) at some point in the night and we swap round who does which "shift".

Obviously as DS gets older hopefully it won't be so gruelling, he's almost 8 weeks now and appears to be dropping the late evening feed so we could both get an early night. If DH is then working late the next night I'll take over both night feeds but will still demand tea in bed the next morning .

Obviously if you are BFing it is all a bit more tricky!

If your DH can't work effectively on the shift system then staying up so you can go to bed early and then getting up so you can sleep in a bit on weekends would be the minimum I'd expect! I never managed to "sleep whilst the baby sleeps" with DS1 and impossible now there are two of them.

I'm always astonished by the number of partners who don't help with night feeds "because they're working", IMO unless you are a brain surgeon or operating heavy machinery getting up once in the night is NOT a big ask. Being at work is deemed the easy option in our house probably because my DH used to spend two days a week doing solo childcare for our DS so he knows exactly how hard it is.

He will be a lot less tired than you my love, so don't worry too much about him!

I breastfed so dp (obviously lol) never did a nightfeed. You'll just find your own rhythm- you and the baby, nap when the baby does etc etc.

And hand him a mop and a window leather on Saturdays

I was really worried about this too but you get into a rhythm quickly. I was breastfeeding so did all night feeds but now FF but she only has one night feed which I do. I really look forward to handing her over for a bit when he gets home though!

I did all the night feeds. I was very strict on the 7/11/3 schedule. When they had their 7am feed they usually went back to sleep so I did too, or lay in bed. As poster above says they're so easy at that stage eating or sleeping, plenty of time to go a bit mad enjoy your maternity leave.

If you're breastfeeding it's much easier than bottles - just be prepared for days when you're pinned to the sofa with Lovefilm and the remote control! My DH slept in the spare room for the first few weeks (he went back to work the day after both DCs were born and took paternity leave a month or two later when it was a bit more fun for everyone) and the babies and I got into a rhythm very quickly. You'll probably find that the two of you at home together is pretty easygoing - I wouldn't worry about a routine at this stage because babies fall naturally into a fairly predictable rhythm in a few weeks anyway.

I'd never expect OH to do nights when he's got to get up for work - I do Sun to Thursday, he does Fri night. I get up early with DS on Sat and bring him down so that DP can have a lie in. Sat night we do 1 each if DS gets up twice - then DP takes him downstairs early so I can have a lie in! During the week 1 of us can go to bed early whilst the other does the late feed if we want :)

Just go easy on yourself - I would get myself into a right tizzy if I felt like I wasn't doing 'enough' during the days. In the end I came to realise that no-one was going to die because I hadn't cleaned the loo/baked a cake/made the bed etc. If you are breastfeeding then remember that adequate rest is vital to ensuring you have a good milk supply. We have only just got into some sort of routine and LO is 14 weeks - he has found his own sort of rhythm and I am guided by the baby whisperer's EASY schedule which IMO is worth a look if you feel you would like a little bit of structure to your days. Above all though, just enjoy this time with your LO.

I remember being in a right state about how i was going to cope on my own when dp went back to work (i was also a bit imobile due to birth injury but that's another story). The wierd thing is that i found it actually became easier when it was just me and ds, as i felt more free to find our feet and didn't have to worry about dp's feelings.

Dp did spend a few months in the spare room as i co-slept with ds as i was bf, and this worked well for us as he got a good nights sleep while i was up every few hours. In return he did all the cooking, dog walking and essential chores. Like other posters have said, looking after a baby is far more knackering than going to work - my dp freely admits going to work gives him a rest!

Completely agree with the advice to forget about housework, eat simply and just enjoy your baby - when your dc is walking and intent on house demolition these days will seem like a dream! Would also recommend putting your lo in a sling and getting out for a walk as often as possible, which will really help to re-energise you and stop you feeling too housebound.

Thank you all so much for your replies!!

I had a good talk with DH and we have agreed that I would 'try' to get things done but anything that was left he would do. This has made me feel much better knowing there aren't any expectations on me other than for me and the baby to be taken care of.

Just have to see how it all goes now really.........hoping for the best but preparing for the worst!!

Xx

I was worried as you are (some years ago) I actually sobbed all night, the night before dh was due to go back to work. Everything was fine, don't have unreasonable expectations for yourself your priorities are baby and you, housework is not important as time goes on everything gets easier.

Enjoy every minute with your baby before you know it they are grown up, I know this is a cliche and everyone says it but it is soooo true, I don't know how I can have a 30 yr dd surely she was only born yesterday.

Nobody dies wishing they'd kept up with the housework.

Honestly, you'll be fine!
My tips would be:

• make sure you put a load of washing on each day as it mounts up quickly;
• try & have a shower as you'll feel much better
• have breakfast at a normalish time as otherwise the rest of your meals will be out of sync and you'll end up skipping some
• have ready meals or really simple meals for supper for at least the first week
• have low expectations of what you're going to achieve & realise that on some days (especially if there's a growth spurt going on) you may achieve nothing other than feeding the baby