Explaining death

[pinkyp]

Ds1 (4.5yrs) always asks questions when we pass a church and points to the graves.

I've tried explains that when we die we get berried and we get a headstone with our name on. I told him we then get sent to the clouds and watch down on people.

Ds then asked if it was pirates that berried us and if we shout loud will the dead people come down. I told him once your dead you can come back, he said is it because the pirate will make you dead again? I said yes ( I know :-/)

How can I explain it better? It was going ok until the pirate questions started. I also thought I'd not mention cremation either as it might scare / confuse him more.

I'd say that there's 2 parts, the body which is just a shell and the magic which makes you see and think. When you die the body stops working so the magic finds a new home (depends on what your faith is). The body is just a shell, people bury them because it's their way of remembering the magic inside the shell. I may be so very, very wrong on this though.

pinky there are books specially designed to explain death to children, these are very good, see if your local library have them x hth x

Get a book - 'Badgers Parting Gifts' is brilliant!

Thank u, never knew they did books will have a look online now,

God that sounded thick. I ment I never knew they did books on explaining death to young children.

The Copper Tree by Hilary Robinson and Mandy Stanley is a very helpful book for younger children that deals with death. It explains that what we are about lives on in the influence we have had on others. It's gentle and uplifting.

The Copper Tree by Hilary Robinson and Mandy Stanley is a very helpful book for younger children that deals with death. It explains that what we are about lives on in the influence we have had on others. It's gentle and uplifting.

I want to be "berried"-it sounds quite nice!

Children that age are very interested in death-it is parent who have a problem with it. When I was a widow the would question me to the embarrassment of parents, who would try and change the subject.
I would just be matter of fact- after all it is the one sure thing in life-we will die one day.
I would recommend the book already mentioned -Badgers Last Gift.
Explain that when people get very old their body wears out and they die. I would say that the body is just a shell and love stays on, we still love and remember the person even though they are no longer with us and we don't know what happens but their love doesn't stop.
I would avoid any talk about clouds and ladysybil's was fine except for the mention of magic. There is no magic and the logical 4year old would expect them to magic back to life!
I would stress that most people are old with worn out bodies but that sometimes people die earlier but we all hope to be very old.

I had to explain death to my DD last year, when she was nearly 4. When my mum died, DD was 2.3 and not the best at communicating so I didn't say anything. It was only when I went back to where my mum lived and visited the grave for the first time last year that I had to explain things as I could't get anyone to look after DD and had to take her to the graveyard. She seemed to take it all in her stride when I explained that when people get really old or get so poorly/hurt that hospital doctors can't fix them, they feel tired so go to sleep forever. We talked about how people are buried and their family and friends bring flowers to remember them.

When my sister's dog died earlier this month, I overheard DD trying to explain it to DS, who is 2.4 and she seemed to have grasped the concept quite well, telling him that we can remember the dog and look at pictures so we'll never forget her.

Although it's hard, the best advice I can give is to be open and honest. Also, don't worry if they keep talking about death for a while and often quite ramdomly, as it seems to take a while for a child to process such a big concept.