Potty training -- if they don't want to should you just leave it til they decide to?

[perceptionreality]

Dd is 3 (just turned). I tried potty training her 6 months ago and she didn't seem ready.

Now she has more language and is quite dry when she wakes up in the morning but I showed her the knickers I bought her and she screwed her face up and said she wanted to keep her nappies (even though the knickers were Peppa Pig ones)!

What I'm wondering is whether you should leave it or press the issue? I know people who say their children would happily have stayed in nappies til 4 or 5 plus if they hadn't really worked on it. Dd also wants to go to ballet classes and I don't really think she can until out of nappies.

What experiences do you have? Any tips? She is not that bothered by chocolate button reinforcers so I need to find some other incentive.

I tried DS at 2.6. Not interested, would hold wee in all day rather than use potty. I put him back in nappies after 4 days. A little while later he told me he wanted to wear pants now. Job done.

Maybe give her another try to raise her interest?

Hi!

No advice I am in the same boat with my DD. Although she loves the Peppa pants and wants to wear them, refuses to give up nappies! She knows what its all about but doesn't want to do it.

Looking forward to seeing what MNers with experience say!

Maybe we could commence "training" together?

Would the ballet lessons be the incentive?

For her (& your) benefit you should possibly want this done before she starts school. All kids like what they are used to, so i would certainly try again in a short while.

I would definitely wait until she wants to do it. I think the trick is to talk lots about how big girls go on the loo, put the pants in the drawer and say that she can wear them when she goes on the loo, read books about it etc. etc. BUT without putting her under pressure.

I bet you she will say in the next couple of months that she doesn't want to wear nappies anymore. I honestly wouldn't worry about school, there is a world of different between just 3 and 4 and a half.

Like BikeRunSki, I tried to potty train, failed, waited until DD brought it up, and it was nigh-on painless.

I thought that sleepybump - she should start school Sept 2013 so not a very long time away.

Ducketyduck - glad it's not just me! The problem is I can't find anything reinforcing enough.

Thanks teatime. We have Lulu's Loo which is a lovely book and dd seems to enjoy reading it.

Learnt a lot from my battles with DD on trying to get her potty trained. Eventually succeeded at just before 3 but it was a nightmare. With DS I decided to leave him to when he showed an interest. Third birthday passed and he wasn't interested until he went back to nursery after Christmas break to discover that he couldn't move up into the pre-school class with everyone else as needed to be more or less trained ( accidents allowed and kindly dealt with) whereupon he apparently (according to his key worker) said he was a big boy too and wanted pants. So they gave him some from the spares box and that was that. Went from being fully in nappies ( although I noticed he was dry at night and had been for months) to trained with very few accidents virtually overnight.
I think the dance class thing might be a great incentive-can you get her a little leotard thing and show her that you can't wear it with a nappy - it only works with pants?

September is still ages away! Honestly I got so fed up of people asking me when I was going to potty train DS as just about everyone I know potty trained by 2 . He would have a screaming tantrum if I so much gently mentioned a potty. You can't force a child to potty train, I figured. He really did, just like they say, one day (he's almost 3 but i was going to give him till 4 before i worried about it at all!) decide he wanted to wear pants and was pretty much dry from day 1.

Stay strong! It will be a breeze when she decides (and this may be later than technically when she's ready. Also I read night dryness is hormonal and not at all related to say dryness?)

We did what teatime did re preparation. The only tip that did work for me was to hang out with my DS's recently potty trained (younger) best buddy. Wanting to be just like her and be a 'big boy' and use the loo definitely helped him decide it was time to ditch the nappies!

We potty trained ds1 at 3 and 3 months as he was (still) showing no interest. It still wasn't all that quick. I truly think he wouldn't have been bothered to wear nappies for years, but I was getting looks from his playschool and I had twin babies, so 3 lots of nappies was a lot! His twin siblings we did much younger (at 2.5) and ds2 got it very quickly, dd we tried and then waited as she wasn't getting it. They are ready at different times, she seems to be later at developing than her brother and now at 3.5 still has accidents/ very little control and wears nappies at night (both ds's stopped that very early on).

I don't think you can always wait for them to want to, but you also don't want to force it too much. A friend of mine did this and had a huge battle anyway at nearly 4. You do want it to be relaxed...yes, go on and on about big girls not wearing nappies. Let her see you go to the loo. Ask her if she'd like to sit on the loo (sometimes children go straight to the loo without the toilet bit). Hang out with potty trained friends and go to the loo together. Let her go 'pantless', the more she gets used to having nothing on her, the more uncomfortable nappies will feel.

Oh, meant to say ds2 was showing no interest. And did nothing in a potty or toilet for 4 days. We were ready to give up. Then he got it, immediately had excellent control (so it was obvious he was ready). Dd was much more compliant but obviously not physically ready. Even now, she WANTS to have no nappy at night, but she still needs to wear one, so we just tell her that when her body is ready, she can lose the nappy at night, but it's not ready yet.

Thanks for replies - buying a leotard sounds like a good idea. I am fairly relaxed about most things and I certainly won't be putting pressure on her. One thing I do know is that she's uncomfortable in wet/dirty nappies. I suppose I could have a go at it again and see how she responds. She goes to nursery 2 days a week and I am sure she sees all the children there who are trained going on the loo/potty.

We tried with DS last autumn when he was 2.8 - he got quite distressed and asked for his nappy back on at the end of day 2. I was quite happy to go back to nappies at that point as it was pretty obvious that he wasn't going to crack it.

Since then we have been very casual about it - mentioned using the potty/toilet, saying when we are going, asking if he wants to try occasionally (mostly met with 'no') and basically just been led by him.

On Thursday he got out of bed and announced that he wanted to wear his pants and not nappies - day 3 of pants today and he seems to have cracked it. First day no accidents, everything in the potty, second day one wee accident due to getting too involved with something, today a near miss - he started to wee but managed to stop and make it to the potty in time. We have also been out on all three days - all fine when out and about although we have been visiting some grim toilets.

I would seriously leave it until she shows signs of wanting to do it herself - our attempt last autumn involved all the traditional bribes/reward charts, staying in with bare bum etc. This time we have basically just carried on with life as normal - the only slight alteration is DS is not wearing trousers in the house atm - just to get him used to having to get his undies down without added complications of trousers. But even that will change next week when he goes back to pre-school.

Hmm, reading this with interest! DS (2 1/2) will currently have a go on the potty most evenings and usually manage a wee and apparently at nursery he will go on because the other children are going (sometimes even ask with no prompting). This is as far as we've got though. He certainly won't entertain the idea of doing a poo on a potty. I have noticed he has started to look a bit uncomfortable after a poo though (walks a bit like John Wayne) - am hoping that said discomfort will encourage him a bit!
Part of me really wants to push it as I am 6m pg and not sure if I fancy two lots of nappies but tbh I think it's probably not worth it until he shows more interest. At the moment if I press the potty or toilet anytime other than bedtime he just argues and refuses to go.

Dd2 is currently fighting it. Has big girl pants, says she is a little girl. Told her babies wear nappies, says she is a baby. Tried her in pants which she was happy to put on and dance about in, we went through three pairs in one afternoon and I lost heart.

I honestly think she is lazy. She has sat on the toilet countless times and occasionally had a wee, for which she was praised. I actually told her off when she kept weeing her pants but she wasn't bothered. I think she thinks it is too much effort to have to keep going to the toilet when mummy and daddy will lay her down and clean it all up for her.

If she's not ready by the summer she is going to be spending a lot of time in the garden running about with a wet bottom. See how she likes being wet.

I say that assuming I'm kidding and then think 'hmmm?'

smornintime I was in very much the same situation as you. I decided to potty train my DS when he was 2.6 because I was pregnant and couldn't face 2 kids in nappies. It worked fairly well. He was out of daytime nappies no problem when DD was born. (he was 2.10 then). BUT, and it's a big but, he still wets at night in his 'night pants' aged 4.5. I just need to take the bull by the horns I think & make him get through it.

In the meantime DD aged 1.6 is showing signs of wanting to potty train. She stands at the stair gate and shouts "poo poo" while pointing upstairs, before she does the smelly deed. I left her nappy-less today and she pooed in her brothers room & got very upset about it. It's too soon isn't it?

Well I've decided to put knickers on her today and just see what she does. She seems fine with it at the moment and is practising pulling the knickers down, sitting on and then pulling them up. If it's not happening I will leave it a while longer.

Any update? We had a discussion about pants today but it didn't go well!

I started DC1 at 2.5 because everyone around me had done it already or was telling me to do it. It was tortuous and long winded.

At 2.0 DC2 potty trained herself in 2 days and was dry at night in a fortnight or so. This was much better.

So for DC3, I left it. And left it. From about 2.8 we tried bribery with chocolate. Nope. At 3.1 we finally worked out he'd use the toilet if we paid him money and after that it was straightforward.

So I have no plan with DC4, other than the assumption I will have no control over the process

Not good I'm afraid! I really don't think she's ready - the conversations we had about it all went like this:

Me : Shall we have a practice at sitting on the potty? I tell you what, we'll count to 10 and then you can pull your knickers up.

Dd3: No.......I don't like it. Bye, bye knickers, put nappy on?

She spent the day very tearful and following me around and crying and clinging on to my leg. She would be able to go about 4 or 5 hours without doing a wee but then when she did one (in her knickers) she got very upset.

In case you're wondering who trained my other kids, well dd1 (with ASD) was trianed by her ABA tutors. Dd2 we trained at 2 and then regressed and didn't want to do it and I remember dh working on it with her for a few days while I was away. But I do remember that dd2 was trained in the day from 3.5 but wore pull-ups at night until she was in reception!

I think I should just leave it a while. Although I've been told by a 'well meaning' friend that their ds was told he had to sit on a potty for 1.5 hours until he did a wee otherwise he couldn't get up. I will not be doing anything like that!

Have had the odd unhelpful comment from a woman at work whose DS was apparently sorted by 18m or something. Pah. She seems to think that everyone else should also have her luck.
DS been using potty again at nursery and at bedtime but I think that may be as far as get for the moment. Mind you, I may try talking about getting pants again at some point when we are in a shop that sells them - maybe I can get him interested if we see the right pants...

Well I know that dd3 regularly sees other children at nursery using the potties and little loos because she's one of the youngest there. So that obviously isn't enough motivation for her either so I am going to accept that for now she isn't ready for whatever reason.

It may also be that I need to find something more reinforcing for next time. I LOLed at the poster above giving money! My dd3 loves coins so made me think haha.