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Parenting

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Original poster

do you attempt to teach stuff to your dcs? and how can i get dd more interested in learning things?

37 replies

rhetorician · 13/04/2012 20:11

dd is 3 and a bit and seems to me to be averagely bright (inasfar as I know anything about this, which is not very far). But I read accounts of people who teach their children all sorts of things with numbers and letters - my niece is 6 months older than dd and is being taught to read by her mother. I rarely actively or formally teach dd anything - partly because she seems so utterly resistant to being taught anything at all. If you show her how to count things by using her finger and then saying each number in turn she will either refuse to do it, or deliberately keep starting randomly from one. Letters the same - she knows quite a few of them, but just shuts down if you say, oh, there's 'k' for 'key' - I should say that I am not remotely pushy about this. If she makes it clear she doesn't want to, I just back off. How can I get her to be more interested? She does imaginary play happily, drawing, messing about with water/pots/soil/mud/food, but just will not engage in anything remotely structured or ordered or conceptual. I assume I should just leave her to it and not worry about it - she is interested in learning the time (but doesn't know her numbers), in reading (but doesn't know her letters) - so it's as if she doesn't want to do any of the key groundwork.

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Thumbwitch · 13/04/2012 20:13

I have tried but DS (4) has resisted. Because I do not want to put him off, I do not push it. So will watch with interest to see what others say.

SparkyMcSparrow · 13/04/2012 20:16

My ds is 4 (starts school in sep) and has learnt his letters and numbers through play and repetition.

I.e, we count steps we walk up. Point out different colours. Play games with letters etc.

Don't worry about it too much. They all vary alot with abilities and they way they pick up things.

SparkyMcSparrow · 13/04/2012 20:16

*the way they pick up things

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themarriageplot · 13/04/2012 20:19

Reading library books to her is the best way to do it. And ask the librarian for suggestions.

LapOfTheGods · 13/04/2012 20:20

It has to be fun and rewarding. It also takes consistency and perseverance.

Cies · 13/04/2012 20:20

I would say that you should just follow her lead. She's got her whole school career to do things in a structured way. She's learning through play.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 13/04/2012 20:21

I didn't bother trying to teach mine anything pre school - I let them lead me.If something was in my face that could be discovered or explored or if they showed an interest I capitalised on that.
We were perpetually learning anyway.
Now they're at school they have a love of learning.When they are doing a subject they are absorbed by,I delve into it still,wholeheartedly with them.
They still lead me.
Its my belief that if I start to lead them,they will lose the pleasure that is learning.
My parents did the same with me and I have never lost the pleasure of learning.

Portofino · 13/04/2012 20:21

Stop trying to formally "teach" 3 yos is the key thing. Everything should be a game. Count stairs. Play I-Spy. Get some letter/number snap cards....stop worrying about it!!!! My dd is in Belgian school and top of the class. She did not start reading and writing til she was 6.5. She has vastly overtaken her older cousin in those areas in the last 18 months....

Leave her be and enjoy her!!! You will have 12 years of worrying about this shit once she starts school.

Thumbwitch · 13/04/2012 20:23

Sparkly - DS can count up to 20 very reliably when he doesn't think about it. As soon as he's asked to do it, he buggers it up (deliberately? Don't know) He won't learn his numbers, although does want to learn the time, like rhetorician's DD - he can recognise 1 and 2 reliably but guesses the rest. He won't learn his letters - he says he's "tired now Mummy" after doing a few "a is for apple, ant" etc. flashcards.

It's wearing. At least he has another 9m before he starts school and I know they don't care if he can read or not by then but I find it saddening that he just doesn't seem to want to know these things!

StepfordWannabe · 13/04/2012 20:23

oh my god OP, PFB much? get a grip and let the poor child in peace - structured groundwork? She's THREE years old!!!

SparkyMcSparrow · 13/04/2012 20:28

I agree that they have their whole school life for things like this. There is absolutly no need to push them in to learning things at 3!. If they want to learn then show them if they don't then they don't. You will be amazed at how much they 'just pick up' !

They are only little once!

Original poster

rhetorician · 13/04/2012 20:30

thanks all - stepford - fair enough (I am sorry - it's just the way I talk about stuff myself - I don't expect her to do it!) - I did say that I don't actually teach her in any formal way - i'd do some of the counting steps, or plates, i-spy. She sounds very similar to thumbwitch's son, actually. I don't own any flashcards. She just doesn't much like sedentary, formal play - which is fine. Was just curious about others' experiences.

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Original poster

rhetorician · 13/04/2012 20:33

all the things she knows, like letters, she has just picked up herself. SHe is quite stubborn, and argumentative - and she needs to see the point of something before she will do it. So she knows that she needs to know her numbers to tell the time, but the conceptual leap to realising how time and numbers relate to one another is massive (not sure I could explain it myself!) and until she 'gets' that she won't learn it.

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SparkyMcSparrow · 13/04/2012 20:35

Get some magnetic letters for the fridge!

Ds learnt letters and some basic spelling from these just by playing and asking!

just be prepared to find them everywhere

Original poster

rhetorician · 13/04/2012 20:41

we have magnetic letters mostly under the fridge but she'd really rather make pretend cakes :)

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Meglet · 13/04/2012 20:42

As long as you don't sit them down in front of the TV all day and not talk to them for 8 hours a day then you'll be teaching them things. says the person who has cbeebies on all day at weekends.

DD is only 3 but we look at the first Peter and Jane books (she can't read, I don't expect her to), read books with numbers in, look for certain letters or numbers when we're out and about etc. She knows her numbers and alphabet and is starting to pick up a few phonics sounds, but her big bothers is in reception so I think there is a trickle down effect.

If you are interacting with her and chatting about what you are doing or giving simple explanations to every day things then she'll pick it up. Just don't push it.

TBH I never play with my DC's but they've picked up a lot just by listening to me drone on all day.

Thumbwitch · 13/04/2012 20:43

Yep, we've got magnetic letters and numbers too. Had them for ages but to DS they're just for making patterns or in the way (magnetic drawing board).

Rhetorician - does your DD have a good vocabulary? DS does, and, like your DD, is great at imaginary play. Perhaps we do need to forget about the formalities more and let them get on with it! :)

Portofino · 13/04/2012 20:44

We had this most annoying magnetic thing that went on the fridge....Leapfrog maybe - it sang the song a,b,c,d etc etc and when you plugged the letters in, it sang " A says A and A says Arrr, every letter makes a sound...." It was HIGHLY annoying but it worked.....

akaemmafrost · 13/04/2012 20:47

I didn't make huge efforts but right from when they were babies their books had counting, letters, shapes etc in them so it wasn't a case of teaching them, they just absorbed it and I am convinced it gave them a head start. And I will be honest I think that a little CBeebies is not a bad thing, my kids learned loads from it.

I do extra maths with dd at home (age 5) because she is like a little sponge and loves doing it, she is definitely advanced at school because of it.

VickityBoo · 13/04/2012 20:48

My daughter is 3.5. I've never pushed her to learn but always included some form of basic skill in every day things such as counting stairs, counting and taking away a sweet, following the microwave numbers when it's counting down that kind of thing. That seems to do the trick. As for reading my daughter got upset about 6 months ago when I kept asking her to point out an 'a' in books so I stopped. No point pushing if they're not interested. 6 months later and she wants to know now.

Original poster

rhetorician · 13/04/2012 20:57

thumbwitch yes, she has an excellent vocabulary - loves comparing things, and observing things. She is reserved around other people, and I think things like letters and numbers feel to her like she is being put on the spot maybe?

The approach to so many things with her has to be oblique...she watches some tv - but is more likely to say when watching Numberjacks, 'why are there so many boys on Nmberjacks?' which is a very good question..but has nothing to do with learning numbers!!

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BertieBotts · 13/04/2012 21:19

I avoid everything which is overtly educational, but just try to go with DS's lead. I think it sounds good that she's interested in lots of different things - I would go with that, rather than worrying about other things which aren't really relevant or necessary right now. I would try and encourage her by asking questions like "What do you think?" or showing her ways of finding out information, e.g. if she asks you something like "What do pigs eat?" you could suggest a trip to a local farm, to find out. Or if she asks a question you don't know the answer to (or even one you do), look it up online or in a book with her. DS was telling me something about frogs that they'd learned at nursery, so I suggested we go and look for frogs in Grandma's pond, that kind of thing.

Having an enquiring mind and being able to find things out and think for herself is so much more valuable than being able to count or read, at this age. Most other European countries don't actually teach children to read until they are 7 - she has plenty of time :)

I think if you leave it alone, she will pick up numbers and letters in the everyday course of things.

Original poster

rhetorician · 13/04/2012 21:26

I ask her what she thinks a good bit - and we have periodically tried to figure stuff out - like what noises polar bears make. It's all good - historically children didn't learn their alphabet until about 6 - including Shakespeare, so I am sure it really doesn't matter at this point.

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ElBandito · 13/04/2012 22:50

I think it's a matter of 'finding a way in'. My DS likes to help make breakfast so we count spoons of porridge and the water. If your dd makes a pretend cakes ask her to give you 2 or 3 of them.

You mention telling the time, that's way too complicated for this age.

Original poster

rhetorician · 13/04/2012 22:53

yes - I think telling the time much too difficult, but she does keep asking me to tell her what the time is and what the clock says, so I answer, but wouldn't dream of trying anything more than that.

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