Protecting baby from his brother

[Whirliwig72]

Ever since ds2 was born 6 months ago we've been on and on at ds1 (3yrs) to be gentle with him yet every single day he is too rough or hurts him on purpose at least twice. It breaks my heart it really does. I can't leave them alone ever without something happening. I recently caught ds1 putting a pillow over ds2's
head. I'm terrified he will one day seriously hurt his brother. I feel panicky and depressed about it. We've tried everything from shouting to giving more positive attention to punishments and even the odd smack when my mummy lion instincts have got the better of me :( but nothing seems to stop his horrible behaviour. Any ideas?

Playpen for the baby.

Interesting idea but how do I stop ds1 getting in there too?

you just don't let him. I used a travel cot with mine. At 3 he should understand "no" and if you can't leave them, then dont!

DS1 was a bit like this at first with DS2.
DS2 was in a travel cot downstairs when I was in the kitchen etc so DS1 couldn't really get to him.

It does pass.
I know how upsetting and worrying it is.
My two (23 months apart) are now 4 and 2 and mostly best buddies. I never ever thought I'd see the day!

cor it's really awful isn't it? It tears you in two.

I have a 3.5 yo and nearly 9mo ds's.

ds1 has never been really really terrible and it's got better as ds2 has got older. He did, for my eternal shame, get a tap on the back of his head for grabbing ds2s chin when he was being changed and pulling his head back. I did it without a thought and felt awful. ds2 was only a couple of weeks old. We still have the odd 'accidentally on purpose' kick or knock to the head

What has helped is loads of praise for the behaviour we want - the caring sharing stuff - showing him 'gentle hands' (stroking ds2 rather than jabbing!!!) Also, now ds2 is crawling, we don't insist on sharing - we make a big thing out of saying 'no! that is ds1's toy!' but when ds1 does share or finds an alternative for ds2 we praise massively!

Also we have just started a pasta jar reward system. We helped ds1 cover an old coffee jar with sticker spots and put a sparkly sticker line for a level at the top. Ds1 gets pasta for every lovely thing - every please or thank you or any thing really so it gets filled up quick then he gets to go to the charity shop (he calls it the 'little toy shop') and chose any toy he wants!

As ds2 gets bigger I have felt more relaxed when ds1 wants to be more physical with him. Obviously I am close at hand to intervene if necessary (sp?)

Hope it gets better soon x

Oh thanks Stottie! the pasta jar idea is wonderful!

ooh yes forgot - you can take pasta out too for naughtiness - we haven't yet - the threat of taking pasta out has so far worked!