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Parenting

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Original poster

Children playing 'Titanic' in the bath. WTF is the correct response?

38 replies

neverbugle · 11/04/2012 19:11

My boys were apparently playing 'Titanic' in the bath this afternoon. DS1 said they had been locked in their room by baddies and were trying to get out.

Anyway, my response was 'oh dear, that sounds horrible' and left them to it, but left me feeling cold.

What a horrible game. Would you intervene? Explain more about who the baddies might have been? or just accept that to them it's exciting rather than tragic?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

southeastastra · 11/04/2012 19:12

the last point, children re-enact tragic events through play, quite imaginative of them really

my ds(10) regularly sinks his lego titanic in the bath

Flisspaps · 11/04/2012 19:12

I wouldn't intervene.

DizzyDancing · 11/04/2012 19:13

My boys play 'pirates' all the time - they are 2 & 3 - I'm not going to sit down and explain to them what pirates were/are really all about. It's a game.

What you tell them will depend on their age of course, but I'm guessing they must be pretty young.

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MrsDmitriTippensKrushnic · 11/04/2012 19:15

I would say it's a normal way for children to process new information? IDK, I think I would have done the same - maybe talk more about it if they bring it up later but I don't think they're being abnormally callous (no more than making millions of dollars by making a big blockbuster film of it tbh!)

Original poster

neverbugle · 11/04/2012 19:15

7 and nearly 5.

7 year old was allowed to watch titanic without the naughty bits recently.

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QuickLookBusy · 11/04/2012 19:16

I would let them play but I would also want to reassure them so they don't worry next time they go on a boat.

I'd want to know how much they know about the whole thing. So if they know lots of Dc/mummies/daddies died I would reassure them that it wouldn't happen today as there are lots of life boats and jackets.

QuickLookBusy · 11/04/2012 19:18

Sorry didn't see your last post. Well in that case I would definitely reassure them. My DD would have had nightmares watching that film at 7!

smokeandglitter · 11/04/2012 19:28

It's a good sign of emotional and imaginative development. They're learning. :) Among other things they are empathizing with (not to a deep level as 7yo and 5yo) how it would have felt for people. It needs no intervening, don't worry, mummy neverbugle.

DizzyDancing · 11/04/2012 19:31

Really?? I'm gobsmacked you let a 7 yr old watch Titantic tbh, and more surprised that you think it's a surprise he's re-enacting it.

Original poster

neverbugle · 11/04/2012 19:40

I think he watched a highly edited version with DH with a finger on fast forward as far as I know. DS2 didn't watch.

He's a very inquisitive lad especially when it comes to news and history. The same lad who drew a swastika on the white board at school.

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DizzyDancing · 11/04/2012 19:52

My boys always re-enact what they watch on the tv (or Legoland, hence the Pirates) hence the games they play. I control what they watch for this reason very closely.

Tv viewing is a very personal thing but IMO 7 is too young to process such a traumatic film, and re-enacting it is his way of processing it. I'm sure no long term harm done but I think there are better ways of satisfying curiosity than showing him a film with such adult content. But that is only my opinion and I'm sure lots of others will disagree!

Original poster

neverbugle · 11/04/2012 20:03

DH and I did discuss it beforehand as we did think it was debateable. We're not of the opinion 'anything goes' for sure.
We decided to go for the supervised watching. I will ask him if he has any questions about it although to be fair his game didn't seem troubled, he was certainly enjoying himself.

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QuickLookBusy · 11/04/2012 20:05

I agree with you Dizzy. Titanic's themes are far too adult for a 7 year old.

He should be watching films/programmes specifically made for a child.

AMumInScotland · 11/04/2012 20:27

The thing is, the fim is a 12 and has themes that are appropriate for an older audience. So it's not really surprising if they are playing a "horrible game" as a result of seeing things that assumed an understanding of the world that they just don't have yet.

If they don't seem distressed, then I don't think you gain anything by making a big issue of it. What they are doing is re-enacting things in a way which reflects their maturity.

SkinnyVanillaLatte · 11/04/2012 20:33

My 7 year old is showing a real interest in watching stuff about Titanic -- not necessarily the film.She loves history.
But I have resisted letting her watch any of it so far as I think its probably too adult.
I find it a difficult call though as they get to hear and see news stories,and learn about other aspects of not so nice history at school.
I think I'm going to record anything of interest and watch it myself - then decide.

Original poster

neverbugle · 11/04/2012 20:59

hmm, ok. i'll have a chat when the moment's right just to check if he has any questions and check with DH how much of it he actually watched. Like I say, it was edited for naughty and scary bits and he seems absolutely matter of fact about it.

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Nearlycooked · 11/04/2012 21:12

Would reccomend a book - Playful Parenting, (available on amazon), play is how children explore the emotional issues they encounter, so as others have said, it is entirely normal for them to do this. If they are happy to play on their own then it may suggest they are comfortable with what they are processing - if they ask you to join in it might be there way of seeking some reassurance and input from you.

As to watching the film - you know your son and what he is emotionally ready for and an adult was present, as you say editing the film as it went along, I wouldn't be to bothered by gasps of horror from others. I can imagine that with all the promotion about the titanic at the moment it's not surprising your DS is curious and interested.

Original poster

neverbugle · 11/04/2012 21:17

no, my only role was to mop up the bathroom after they'd finished.

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Badgerina · 12/04/2012 05:19

I'm not really one for "policing" play. It's such an important part of the child's healthy development. Children play some games that we adults may find less than palatable (sword play and other war-inspired, battles for example), but there is a strong argument for giving children the autonomy to pursue these difficult themes, as a way of processing their emotions.

I have a very curious 7 year old (in more ways than one, but that's another story!), we have looked up documentary videos about the Titanic, on YouTube. I watch them through first and save them to my "favourites" for him to see. YouTube is BRILLIANT for this sort of thing actually. "What's that? You want to know more about String Theory? Let's look it up on YouTube!"

RichManPoorManBeggarmanThief · 12/04/2012 05:34

My favourite game when I was a kid was "The Boston Strangler". AFAIK, none of the kids in our street have gone on to be serial killers despite spending weeks pretending to be one. Children are obsessed by the macabre (as indeed are many adults). don't worry about it.

However, I do find the disconnect between you being happy for your DS to watch Titanic (In which the main characters do get locked/handcuffed in a room in a sinking ship by the baddies) and your discomfort at him re-enacting said scenes fairly incomprehensible.

mathanxiety · 12/04/2012 06:13

I'd leave them to it as the cat is out of the bag at this point and also because they will do it anyway -- there's no point in censoring imaginative play, but I would steer them away from material like Titanic for a few years, and also whatever place the DS found the swastika. He is processing that too.

There is lots of children's literature for 5 and 7 yos that has content that is intellectually age appropriate and also appropriate as far as emotional content goes, for intelligent children (as they sound). Greek myths for children, Narnia, even Harry Potter might be better. Farmer Boy by Laura Ingalls Wilder is one the 7 yo might like to have read to him, and The Indian in the Cupboard.

For subjects like the Titanic, best to watch documentaries. The themes of children's films and their treatment of emotion are perfectly fine for 5-7 year olds - no need to expose them to adult material where the emotional content is designed for adult consumption. Literature is great because it can be digested at a slower pace.

matana · 12/04/2012 12:46

I'm gobsmacked. They're play acting. Every year millions of people, including children, are involved in re-enacting Christ's crucifixion at Easter. I can't think of a more brutal re-enactment of history, yet nobody bats an eyelid. Two kids in a bath splashing around a bit (assuming they were not trying to drown each other) and using their imagination and it's a concern?

I personally think there are far more worrying things for children to try to replicate just by watching/ istening to the news.

AIBUqatada · 12/04/2012 12:51

The whole nation is pretty much playing Titanic in the bath at the moment.

No reason why your children alone should face the burden of refusing to rework tragedy as entertainment.

Seriously, though, I think this is completely harmless. All you need to do (if anything) is to see that your engagement in the game, or your reaction to it, contains hints of the kind of compassionate perspective you would like them to have. Imaginative play is a brilliant rehearsal of good and bad life experiences and of human reactions to them. That is what it is for (as well as fun). Just join in the rehearsal as you see fit.

KateShmate · 12/04/2012 12:56

Honestly, I would leave them to it! To be honest, with the amount of Titanic adverts on lately, they could probably re-inact it without even watching the film!
My 4 and 5YO DD's play 'Jaws' in the bath with sharks; I'm always hearing blood-curdling screams of 'My arms been bitten off!!!!!'... and they've certainly never watched Jaws!

overmydeadbody · 12/04/2012 12:59

Goodness, why would you want to intervene?!

Childrne act out things like this to help them not worry about them. It's perfectly normal. Goodness, you should hear the imaginative play that goes on it most primary schools at playtime and lunchtime!

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