5 month old total sleep regression

[RachelY33]

Hi there other mums (and dads!) - we really need some advice. Our son turns 5 month on Weds and seems to have had a total sleep meltdown. Its been going on since he was about 3 and a half months but is getting worse and my other half has been bringing him into bed with us which he's now got used to and cries every time he wakes in his cot, which is roughly every 20 mins after I put him down round 7.30pm. He used to wake 2 or 3 times a night for a feed as he's a big baby but now when he wakes he's fully awake and not even nursing seems to work. My partner slept holding him from 11.30 to 3am last night then i spent an hour trying to get him back to sleep when he woke. He then slept on and off until 5.30 when I tried to put him back i bed and he screamed. So back to our bed until 7.30 when i fed him. He's now playing happpily on his mat and I'm trying not to think about all the dark thoughts i had last night. He doesn't seem to be hungry when he wakes and I'm scared he'll never get back in his crib!! I also really struggle to get him to nap in there during the day and usually find myself hitting the streets to walk him round. He usually hs 30 mins in the morning, 1 and a half to 2 hours at lunchtime and then 30 mins in the afternoon but all rarely in his bed, sometimes on our bed when i feed him to sleep.

I've tried expressing to give him a bottle at bedtime, formula top ups, food (I gave him baby rice for 2 weeks and he didn't poo for 9 days so also bit worried I've messed up his insides!?!) - and not sure whether to continue with purees or wait until he's bit older. We try hard not to pick him up unless its been 3/4 hours and he might be hungry.

We're getting desperate and its causing alot of arguments. I've read a few books but i just get so confused and writing it down dosen't seem to help. I'm starting to feel resentful as well as a bit let-down for him. Any advice GREATLY appreciated!

You poor thing, I hated these stages (will be doing it all again soon!).

We were 'lucky' in the sense that DS has never really liked sleeping with us! Even on desperate nights, we'd put him in bed with us and he'd just wriggle and cry so we had no choice but to find ways of getting him to sleep in his cot.

I'm no expert but here are things which worked for us with DS:

1. keep the bedtime routine itself really consistent
2. this one is from DS's nursery: they play quiet lullabies (no words) and gently rub their backs. I still use this to settle DS now when necessary, it used to take him a long time to settle but then he was too little to wriggle around too much. Now it's a good tool as he links this with sleep.
3. keep bedroom lights off, no eye contact, no talking above a brief reassuring whisper. He does have a nightlight which shines a pattern onto his ceiling, this has helped on occasion but it's not one of the things I panic about if we leave it at home!
4. If you want DS to sleep in his cot try to stick with this, no matter how desperate you get. You need to find your own 'method' and then you can be consistent. Because DS wasn't a very 'snuggly' baby, ours was like a very gentle version of controlled crying without the timings - I used my intuition to determine how long he should be left each time, if he was getting worked up I'd just go back and settle him again.
5. He's reached the age where you might want to give him a 'dreamfeed' at 11pm then gradually cut out comfort feeds at night. Your OH can also help by settling him so that he doesn't smell milk. At this age I think you can offer water if necessary - someone might correct me.
6. DS can't settle himself back down unless we leave a light on in the hall. This means it's just a dull light upstairs but he needs it.

It will get better... but there's nothing like a lack of sleep to make you feel desperate and distort perspective (I understand the UN list it as a recognised form of torture - it caused plenty of tension in our house anyway).

DS (now 2.8) still has occasional phases when his sleep isn't great, but they got further and further apart (now very rare) and became shorter and less painful each time.

Thank you so much we will definitely give your suggestions a try. He does have a bedtim routine which used to work but we have been varying the times to see if it mkes any difference. Maybe we will stick with 6.45. He usually goes down quite quickly but then wakes like clockwork 20-30 mins later. I try to rub his back on his side and that often works before midnight but when he wakes after that he seems to be properly awake. We'll see how tonight goes...

No problem. Is he getting enough sleep in the day? This makes a big difference to DS too even now, he doesn't sleep as well at night without his daytime nap.

We had this - co-slept for 2 months and then we cracked, it just wasn't working for any of us, we did The Baby Whisperer pick up put down method (I read loads into it as it's quite detailed - you need to do it right or it can undo good work!!), and within two nights she was sleeping back in her cot (6 months old).
She did cry, but she was never left to cry, and was picked up and given a cuddle when she asked, she was just immediately put back in to the cot again. It took 40 minutes, and 30 pick up, hug, and put down again before she fell asleep, the crying was tough... but I was at the end of my tether, and something had to change.
She will still go down to sleep in her cot now, though she does wake up to feed occasionally I'll have that over the 'every 10 minute' wake ups any day.

We've had a couple of better nights! He still woke half an hour after I put him down but I've been doing a version of pick up put down. We did that merry dance fo maybe 45 mins the first time and then 30 mins the second... he woke about 3 times after that before midnight. I just kept telling mysel he was crying out of frustration as its his only way of expressing himself and he just really wantedto go to sleep. Last night he only woke twice before 10.30 and the second time I just put my hand on his head and he went back to sleep. I tried the dreamfeed at 10.30 when he was stirring but he still woke at 12 apparently hungry, and 3 and 6.... If we could get rid of 3am I'd be laughing. Am wondering about giving water. Been giving a formula topup at bedtime too which am sure the health visitors would frown at. Daddy has been relegated for the spare room for the time being.

No poo since Sunday though so still bit worried about that. Vicious farts though! He's not only any solids now, not that he's noticed.