Is there any way to help spirited 3yo dd stop with the freakin' shouting all the freakin' time?

[phdlife]

She is um, very spirited. Mostly I am happy with this. It's good for her to be strong-willed, passionate, and highly perceptive. But the noise is getting me down, .

Squealing when she's happy, squealing when she's mad, shouting at ds5 to make him cry, shouting and yelling at me in her sleep (waking herself and me right up, then taking hours to re-settle because every time either of us so much as stirs it provokes another yell). Roaring when she doesn't get her own way (this doesn't change anything, but it is very boring for all the rest of us, especially when it happens in the car when we can't just walk away), screaming or growling or shrieking to drown me out when she is being told off for any little thing.

Or even if she just imagines she's being told off.

Or if she can't do something.

Or if someone tries to help her.

Or if someone doesn't try to help her.

Some of it is temperamental - by which I mean, she is genuinely angry or upset - some of it is clearly strategic.

Hints for how to deal, please?

I think this would annoy other kids. Is she in a pre school? I have twin grandchildren that age and I think if one chose to scream a lot their two siblings would tell them off.

Sorry i don't have any advice but i feel your earache. I have a 3yr old ds1 with no volume control at all, i would think he had hearing problems if it wasn't for the fact he can hear a sweet wrapper at 50 paces. I have noticed though that it's worse when he's tired.

Be consistent with the "we use our indoor voice" indoors. You need to teach and reinforce this voice all the time, not when you get fed up with your DDs shouting. Remind remind remind. Model model model. Get her teddies, and shout at them, then act out how sad they are.

Draw pictures of happy/sad/angry faces, shoe her how her loud voice might make other people feel. Show her your sore ears.

Get her hearing tested just in case.

Would she respond to some sort of reward thing for example...you could have a small jar that you add a pebble to every time she speaks normally, and afew when she does not act out. When she shouts unnecessarily you take some away. When the jar is full some sort of gift/prize is bought?

You've just described my DD

She's nearly 5 though. It drives me to distraction, although it is getting slightly better as she gets older and more reasonable.

Tips:
Ignore as much as possible (hard I know)
Walk away when you can
Pretend you can't tell what she's saying when she shouts / screams
Refuse to communicate with her until she speaks nicely, and at reasonable volume
Tell her it upsets you / others when she shouts or screams

Obviously if she's truly upset / angry then comfort her - but don't go over the top. Praise her lots when she's nice and quiet, so she doesn't just get attention for negative behaviour. But I'm sure you do this already.