What can we, as parents, do to encourage a good sibling relationship

[PogoBob]

DD is 19mo and DH and I want to ttc no. 2 once I've lost a few stone little weight.

DH and I are both only children as are/were MIL and DF. DM has 1 sister who she never speaks to whilst FIL has 3 siblings he is fairly close to. DM's issues with with her sister comes from my grandmothers favoritism of my aunt but having discussed with FIL I can't find out what made his relationship with his siblings any different.

I'm obviously a bit nervous about how I will handle the relationship between my children (assuming I fall pregnant ). Do anyone have any advice from their own childhood or raising their children on this - I'm always more confident if I have a plan

Thanks

I am one of 3 and my DH is one of 3 - we both always thought that 3 was the magic number for us. I have vague memories of squabbling with my siblings but nothing major and we are all really close now. I could not imagine not having brothers/sisters.
My kids are now 10 (girl) 8 (boy) and 6 (boy). On the whole, they get on fine. But of course they do fight and I find it depressing when they say unkind things to each other. Someone recommended a book to me called Siblings Without Rivalry and I think it has been great for me to help me through some of the harder times as a parent.
Every family has different dynamics. I don't know if I am better equipped to deal with their differences having been a sibling myself. I do identify with my daughter as I was also the oldest of 3. And my husband identifies with our 3rd as he is the youngest of 3.
We both struggle to identify with our middle child, but we navigate our way somehow.
I think you have to just go for it. It's a wonderful thing. Through their siblings they learn so much conflict resolution, communication, sharing, caring, how to stick up for themselves, and so much more.

thanks barbar, it's really helpful to read others experiences.

my mum always told me that my friends would come and go but i would always have my sister and vice versa it really stuck. We argue and used to get into scraps but it's all part of it in our younger days we would argue to have a friend jump in to defend one of us only for both of us to turn on her giving it 'what you saying about my sister' lol

Thanks kiki, that's really nice to hear.

I'm no expert but I would say don't force it or expect it and it will probably just develop.

My brother and I were always forced to play together and told we had to be friends because we were brother and sister. We fought like cat and dog and don't really talk now unless out of necessity.

My two boys are 5 and 2 and they are the best of friends. There are obviously times when they don't get on or the little one annoys the big one because he ruins his drawing etc but generally they play nicely together and miss one another when they are apart.

We made sure that from the beginning we spent some time with the older one by himself doing something the little one would probably ruin. Such as after the little one is in bed we spend half an hour playing board games or building lego models with the older one. This means he is less bothered about doing these things when the little one is around so thats one argument avoided.

We have also made sure to highly praise any good behaviour with them being kind to each other (sometimes you feel silly doing the whole "wow that was fantastic thank you so much for showing your little brother how to wash his hands, you are such a good big brother" thing)

However we don't force them to play together and if the older one want to play in the big boy park and the little one wants to feed the ducks if possible we split up and meet back up later on. I think not being forced together means when they are together it if their choice and they get on really well.

One thing you can't do is force them to become best friends. But you can encourage a good relationship even if they aren't super close.

I recently got a copy of Siblings without Rivalry (by the same people who wrote How to talk so kids will listen...) and it's really interesting, with lots of useful insights.

For instance, it talks about how as parents we may unknowingly fuel sibling rivalry by comparing our children to each other all the time, even when there's no need to, or when you think you are comparing them in a positive way. I realised I had been doing this with my elder daughter from the minute her little sister was born (e.g. "You can have cake, but DD2 can't have any because she's only a baby", etc.)

gastrognome arrgh I do that all the time, what's wrong with that?

Pogobob I think you put your finger on it in your post. Your grandmother favoured your aunt. The only thing you can do as a parent to create the right environment is love them the same the same the same the same. And never ever ever ever compare.

After that it's up to them. All the siblings I know who don't get on had a definite issue with one of them being a favourite.

Thanks all, really useful and good posts there. Guess it's a case of what their personalities are like too.