Only child...?

[Janoschi]

We're lucky enough to have a lovely, sociable 11 month old DD.

Thing is, I'd love her to have a partner in crime and am trying to weigh up the pros and cons of getting the baby stuff out of the way fast versus waiting a few years to get our breath back before starting all over again.

I'd also love to adopt but that could be a tricky thing in our wobbly, freelance world.... I know DD would need to be about 5 before we can even seriously consider that, anyway.

Advice demanded

It's not something you can really get advice on because it's a personal decision between you and your partner and there's no such thing as a 'perfect family'... except mine, of course, which is flawless. :)

I'm really after some experience of small age gaps vs longer ones....?

Just wondering about jealousy, toddler and newborn combos etc etc...

Trying to form a picture of what we might expect either way!

I have a 3.5 ds and a 5 wk old ds. So far so good! It certainly seems so much easier than friends that have 18mth/2 yr age gap. My eldest is potty trained, independent etc and he also goes to pre school 3 sessions a week which he loves and this also gives me a chance to sleep when baby sleeps and just have a chill without toddler demands 24/7!
However, I imagine the closer the age gap the more in common the children will have and are more likely to share the same interests and enjoy the same toys/ days out etc....
Who knows, I imagine all age gaps have their pros and cons, I would have chosen a slightly smaller age gap but had a mc earlier last yr, however I wasn't ready to go through the baby stage much before anyway. I struggled first time around, but the fact you're considering it already probably shows you could easily manage a closer age gap!
Good luck, I toyed with pros and cons too for ages!

DS is an only child and likely to remain that way, although i too would love him to have a sibling.

My sisters are 3 years apart, get along well etc. I am 7 years younger than one of them and 10 years younger than the other. We have a lot in common now we are older (in fact i have always been close to the middle one, even when really little).

The way i see it, the older they get the more you can reason with/ explain things to them. Ime there also isn't usually a 'jealousy' thing, because they're of an age where they like to take the little one under their wing and set an example (with a few 'blips' along the way!) They are also old enough to understand that mummy and daddy still love them as much, but babies are time consuming and hard work.

Essentially, if i were to have another, i would wait until DS is 3/4. It just seems like it might be a little easier.

HTH.

There's nearly 4 1/2 years between mine, though not really planned that way (eldest is a birth child, youngest is adopted). I was initially set on trying to get the "perfect" two year gap, but actually what we have works brilliantly. I didn't really like going back to nappies again, but that phase will soon be over.

Oh, and yes, you will probably be told to wait until your daughter is about five before proceeding with adoption (as we were) because of the age of many children waiting for adoption and the requirement for a two year age gap. Though don't assume that you will then automatically adopt a 3 or 4 year old (our daughter was only 15 months when she came to us)

The more you have the easier it gets

My boys are 14 months apart (4 & 3 years old). I found the first year following ds2 easy and now it's very hard due to the competitiveness, fighting and demands for attention. it's exhausting or me.

Thank you so much for your thoughts and experiences.

We've decided to hold off for a few years and now that hormones have dipped a bit, I admit I feel happier with this. There's a 4 year gap between me and my little sister and when I was growing up I really resented it, though this was entirely due to the bizarre insistence from my mother that I couldn't do anything until little sis was old enough to do it too. This included seeing films at the cinema and learning to drive!

Aside from that, I think 3-4 years is a good gap if managed properly by parents! My DH's brother is only 18 months younger and they STILL have huge jealousy issues 40 years on!

And having read through the Only Child threads here, I'm realising it's not a bad option either. So much food for thought.

Many thanks again for helping to straighten out my thought processes!