Fed up with dd's eating 'issues' - don't know what to do for the best

[wishupon]

When dd was a baby/toddler she'd eat literally ANYTHING that was put in front of her, from a pile of veg to a curry hotter than I'd eat (usually nicked off relatives plates). Since she was about 3/4 however she's slowly dropped one thing at a time, deciding she doesn't like it anymore, which I didn't take seriously at the start, thinking it was just par for the course. I thought the advice was usually don't pander to it, don't make it a big deal and eventually she'd start being interested in new foods. She's nearly 9 now however and her diet's dwindled to;

Sausage rolls
Sausages (ONLY chip shop ones or occasionally homecooked ones if really in the mood)
Cocktail sausages
Chicken nuggets (VERY occasionally)
Ham (only cheapo stuff, not naice ham)
'Common' veg (peas, carrots, cauliflower, broccoli)
Virtually any fruit
Potatoes (not keen on roast though)
Rice
Pasta
Couscous
Cheese
Yoghurt
Crappy snack food/crisps/sweets when allowed

...........BUT, nothing can be mixed and NO sauces allowed, so I can't mix any of the above, such as into a lovely pasta bake, it's only cooked and plain allowed.

Although it's obviously not ideal to have a restricted diet and it privately irritates me to cook separately for dd I've never made it a problem to her and just been glad that at least she's getting a balanced diet. But she won't even try new food and it's getting more and more frustrating that there's no sign of her diet changing at all. We don't have fights over food but if I occasionally ask her just to try and spoonful of something she says no and looks as though I'm asking her to eat soil until I give up because I don't want to turn it into a massive battle. So would REALLY like some tips on how to get her to try new food, I'd love to have family meals where we ALL ate the same thing once in a while.

Then there's another problem. The amount she eats and her weight are giving me massive headaches. She doesn't even seem to have much of an appetite. She eats at every meal but eats as much as she did when she was 5-ish which can't be right. She's very skinny but then has always been very lanky, even as a baby. She was referred to a paed (about hearing problems not her weight) who made a massive fuss about how thin she was, telling me she must be underfed and lacking energy - which is one thing dd is definitely NOT, she can run/bounce/dance forever if allowed. Still, I thought the paed probably had a point about her weight and she said she was going to refer her to a dietician, a referral which never materialised. I took her to our gp to see if he could get the referral back on (because I could barely understand the paed, not doing a bit of stealth racism but I really couldn't understand half of what she said because of her accent). The gp said dd was slim for her age but not enough to worry about so unless she had further problems not to worry about it.

Skip forward about a year and I've been sent a letter for a paed appt at the school, presumably about the weight issue because the hearing was sorted a long time ago (the original paed appt took so long to come through dd had had her ear op by the time we saw the paed!). Now I'm worried she's going to say dd is terribly thin, going to be ill etc.

Sorry, this probably all sounds very jumbled but basically (if anyone's got this far) I really need some MN help and support - I'm fed up with dd's restricted diet and would love to find a way to get her eating more and more variety and I'm paranoid dd's health is being harmed by not eating enough, even though I give her as much food as she wants. Plus I'm peed off that I have to see the paed again who'll probably give me what sounds like a massive telling off yet I won't even be able to understand half of what she's actually saying (and I've tried asking her to repeat it but after the 3rd or 4th time I just get too embarrassed to ask again).

And I forgot to say I'm paranoid this might be a deeper problem because dd's started to get very picky about food even touching other types of food or bits of food having any sort of bruise or blemish etc . Just feel overwhelmed dealing with it all.

Is there any way she could have her main meal at school? Sometimes kids eat better away from home when the parents aren't about. I expect by nine that no matter how well u hide it that she dies know it upsets you ( I think you sound amazingly patient and kind about the whole thing I know I get very frustrated when my dd refuses or plays the I don't like it card) and some of this might just be control. :)

We had about a week of her having school dinners because her friends were and she just came home starving because she 'couldn't' eat most of it so we went back to packed lunch so I knew she was getting a decent meal. I know I haven't made it a 'big' thing as in massive fights and tantrums about it but yep, am sure she picks up that it frustrates me so am sure there's some element of control in there but no idea what to do about it, the more I relax the less she eats it seems.

Has she ever been tested for any allergies or intolerences ? Is it possible that some things might just upset her stomach a little and that's why she's become so fussy. Also without wishing to scare u I'm really not trying to do that and I promise I'm not trying to insinuate anything but does she use a computer at all can u check her browsing history just to make sure she hasn't joined any kind of site or group that coulda got her into that kind of thong. They suck kids in so young it's scary :(

DD is very similar and I fell your pain although you can take out the cheese and chicken nuggets from that list.

We have now managed to inlcude risotto on that list as we told her that it is rice and peas cooked together and I can hide cheese in it, sometimes she will have chicken added to it.

She also likes gravy so I can just about get away with chicken, carrots and fine beans cooked in chicken stock.

And my paed would say that actually you are covering all the food groups and she has seen children with much worse diets than that.

oh the other thing we do is that DD likes red currant jelly and crab apple jelly so she will eat meat with that.

Mashed potatoes are the only potatoes she will eat.

Other than that it does drive me mad as me and DH and DS are foodies and find ourselves cooking 3 different meals or eating very boringly.

Texture plays a huge part as she doesn't like texture. It does help on the odd occasion if she helps to cook.

Does she eat toast?

This was and still is my daughter but things are getting much better. I have broken all the rules for my own sanity but it has worked. I was so stressed I was talking about how much and what she was eating all the time. Meal times where awful I would be asking her to try things and eat just one more mouth full. Then I changed the way we eat. Now the children eat their meals together without us, I give her plenty of what she likes and no new stuff. Without me watching her eat she has become much more relaxed about food. She eats a greater quantity and is trying more food now (she seems to have got the hunger). I am sure mums out there will be saying meal times should be family times but it didn't work for us. I know what you mean about how thin she is my daughter is still very thin even though she is eating more, but it's like my mum says I was very skinny, lots of girls are at that age.
I am sure things will get better for her and you.

caffeinedrip - as far as finding a site/group goes I'm 100% sure that's not the case, she's still very naive as far as the net goes, only rarely gets to use it (at school or to play a game) and I supervise her all the time BUT I do wonder if you could be right another way. Her school go through phases of making a massive fuss about healthy eating, which I can totally understand, but they do go too far (a lot of labelling food as 'good' and 'bad' without explaining about balance) and I really wonder if dd has picked up some concerns/paranoia from there and/or schoolfriends. I've not had her tested for any allergies - would I just ask the gp to do that or would she have to show other symptoms?

fivegomad - thanks, nice to know I'm not the only one! Yep, I forgot to say she'll happily eat bread/toast but only with butter or chocolate spread (very very occasionally jam), and think you're spot on about texture being a big part of it, especially where sauces/sloppy food (pasta bake, stews, soup etc) are concerned. I've cooked with dd in the past and once or twice it's helped but I've let that lapse a lot so will definitely start doing that more.

budgieshell - that's really interesting, I'd have assumed dd would become more rigid if I let her eat what she wanted separately to us but sounds worth trying! Did your dd just ask to try new stuff off her own back or did you still have to suggest it?

If it's any consolation, and I know it probably isn't, my own thread is pretty much the same (only younger children) and the list of foods is way shorter than yours.

In fact, if you could raise the quality bar of the sausages and sausage rolls - to maybe farm made high meat count/no sulphides etc, she hasn't that bad a diet you know [busmile]

As to quantity - any constipation issues?

I have a friend who's daughter came home from school refusing to eat anything claiming it was unhealthy or fattening etc and this was after a healthy eating thing at school even by nine I think girls r very aware of their body shape and the influences on tv and on covers of magazines etc not helped by the style of clothing that many high street shops r selling aimed at children :(
If you think she's mature enough to give an honest answer maybe you could just ask her if certain things upset her stomach. If you don't think she would be able to do that then I'd try the doctors again. Maybe request one at the surgery you particularly like and feel would listen rather than head to the paed. There must be eating clinics/ allergy clinics etc that u can be referred to. A pediatrician may not exactly be an expert in eating issues or be able to advise a diet plan the way a qualified nutritionist/ dietician or even child psychologist could :)

Sorry - that sounds rude! I'm not assuming you feed her 300 sausages for 50p type food [bublush].

Just remembering my own plan of attack when dd2 lived off noodles and sausages for a few months.

wishupon - it's hard work & stressful isn't it :(

However, she is full of energy so I don't think she can be lacking too much! I know a lot of MNers children eat a much more restrictive diet than your DD. Children are supposed to be 'skinny' they aren't supposed to have 'padding' but the norm is getting fatter/heavier so your DD is looking 'thinner' even though, quite likely, she's not actually a bad weight for her.

Can you not get referred to a different Paed? If you have to see this one, take a friend or your partner/DD's Dad/someone - they might understand her a bit better. If not, maybe ask her to write things down

Don't fear being told off - you shouldn't be and it's inappropriate for you to be.

Does your DD have friends over for tea? Does she go to theirs for tea? Sleep overs? Many children will start doing things more 'normally' when they feel the need to 'fit in' - she's really reaching this age now, so it might all sort itself out.

I would just make her food how you know she will eat it and tell her that whenever she fancies trying something everyone else is eating that she's more than welcome - then I wouldn't mention it again.

She has an OK diet - it's just frustrating for you!!

On one of these 'freaky eater' TV programmes there was a girl, about 9/10 who only ate chocolate and rice crispies (with melted choc on them, not milk), that was all (her parents had tried everything, but had finally given in. Her siblings ate normally). They did all the tests on her and she was perfectly healthy! The reason she had decided she wanted to change her 'habits' was that she felt 'silly' when she went to friends houses.... kids :)

I read a tip for getting toddlers to eat fruit which might sit well with budgieshell's ideas. It said to get them to eat something they're not wildly keen on while distracted - would it work for your daughter to eat in front of the tv? Obviously it goes against everything we're told is good, but if it works...?

Another good plan is to plot her weight and height on the centile charts at the back of her red book. If you can't find it I've mine right in front of me.

I was a little worried my DD2 weight and was hugely reassured to see she is 25th weight and 50th height. So a reasonable mix.

And yyy to ribs and back bone being visable. Tis normal childhood size.

Jacet potatoes are good with cheese and peas/beans cucumber.

Now that our children are a bit older they are hearing things about food from school, their friends and TV. So if a child had no problems with food when they where younger it does make you wonder where they are getting their ideas about food and eating.
I always blame myself though it was my problem, I was the one that was stressed and worried as soon as I removed myself from the problem things improved.
I never make suggestions about food now she comes to me. When shopping I now say if there is something you would like to try put it in the trolley. I don't even look at it till we get home.

treedelivery - not rude at all, it's true, it seems the cheaper it is the more willing she is to eat it! If given the choice she'd happily live off noodles and value sausage rolls/cocktail sausages and cheese forever more. Although luckily she doesn't come shopping much so has to eat decent quality (except for the ham, no disguising naice ham compared to 50p a pack ham). Thanks though, I know she's getting fairly decent nutrition, it's the amount and variety that panic me, but I know I should be concentrating on the fact she's getting what she needs, it's so hard though! She does have constipation from time to time but not regularly. And no idea where our red book is for dd, would be fab to know what centile she's on but no idea of her weight at the moment and we don't have scales, will have to wait till we see the paed or gp.

caffeinedrip & chipping - think she may have picked up a lot of food stuff from school . Will book an appt with gp if paed isn't best person to speak to (I haven't got a clue what a paed is for anyway, all new to me!). Thanks for the tips, she's just getting into the serious socialising stage and starting to feel outside 'pressure' to eat like others, maybe she'll give in it soon, hopefully! You're right though, I should just completely back off while she's still got an 'ok' diet and wait for her to do it.

Blooo - have tried the tv once or twice just in case but she eats really slowly so that's out unfortunately.

budgie - think she's getting some stuff from school that really isn't helping but the problem did start before then so think it's me, will definitely try what you've suggested - it's stupid but I hadn't dared thought of completely backing off, in case it made it worse but it makes sense. I was brought up as one of the 'clear your plate or go hungry' lot which crazily worked for my parents, and it's hard to get out of that mindset.

Sorry can't help but one thing I noticed is that all the food is soft, she doesn't need to chew them much, do you think that could be part of the problem?