being Mummy & getting your 'identity' back?

[Littlerayofsunshine]

how do/did you find the best way to feel this? :)

I think having children doesnt have to change you as a person and you can still hang out and do things you used to with the same people. Its good to have time to do your own thing and to yourself and makes you a better parent imo

How old is/are your dc, little?x

It happens over time. Are you a first time mum with a young baby? It's natural to feel this way and I remember feeling mournful for my old life! I went back to work part time after 9 mos, and that was probably the time I started to feel more like the old me.

Work, where I was known by my own name not as "Families' Mummmy"

Just by having time to yourself either doing something you like or seeing friends without the kids occasionally.

When ds1 was 15mo I went on holiday to Jordan, just me and an old friend, for a week. I forgot I was married, I forgot I had a child, I was just me. It was FABULOUS.

I love to write so I write my thoughts in a journal while DD is sleeping, its amazing how spending just ten minutes of writing can completely turn my mood around.

I don't know but when I do I will post something

Have conversations with people that aren't about your children.

Try and find the time to keep up with other things - current affairs, hobbies, britain's got talent... whatever you were interested in pre-dc.

Find some time to spend with grown ups without your dc and remember the above.

Oh, and don't base all your clothes buying decisions on 'what's practical when you have children'.

My DD is 17months, and DC2 is due in 6weeks. Currently
Doing it alone as DP is away until October.

I adore being a mummy, its just the little things I miss at the minute (not having
Time to have a nice bath, DP + I's cinema dates (can't be helped right now)
A night out with the girls or even a meal etc.

I feel very weird without DD around me. We're going through a
Very tough time right now but getting through it together. I feel lost without her too.
And the last time I had time away from her was when I was 5m pregnant
Went for a meal with the girls for 3hrs. I felt so odd.

More than anything its learning to be confident wearing my post-pregnancy
Clothes, make time to do nails, actually brush my hair instead of bunging it up! Lol

I'm in the early stages of my own photography business too. So when I'm back
On my feet when DC2 is here I want to get back into that. But there's always time. I want to
Enjoy my kiddo's but without losing 'me'

Do you have occasional babysitters or use any childcare? I know that the reason I am just a mummy with no hobbies etc is lack of that sort of support. DP often says 'why don't you arrange to meet x,y,z and do this??' and I just think if I can't even find the time to have a long bath and shave my legs why would I want to do that.

I think you need your own thinking time (silence or reading or tv or a hobby) and time with DP, then time with friends. I know loads of mums who just don't have that many 'friends' as it's always last on the list.

I think mums who work may be able to get the social buzz from that if it's that sort of workplace. But it's hard if you're at home.

I have a 3yo DS and i am so completely not the 'me' i was 4 years ago. But that said, i see it as a new wave of my life and that i have new responsibilities etc and i love it. I do work though which has helped immensely but when i was on mat leave i met lots of other mums through ante natal etc and now i am at work i am getting to know the nursery mums.

Your situation is different but if you can i urge you to go to some ante natal classes and meet other mums, or go to some toddler groups where you can take your new LO. You will meet mums who will want to talk about more than just being a mum.

Good luck with your photography business, that is so creative and will almost certainly bring back your old mojo. I also agree that you need to find some occasional babysitters, even just a friend to come round and let you have a long relaxing bath whilst they babysit DD.

mistressploppy i totally misread that and thought you said 'i went on holiday with Jordan'

Jeez that is one way to get some-sort of an identity back!!

I don't think I ever lost my identity. I know with a first baby I like everyone else threw myself into things baby related with gusto. It was my main topic of interest and of conversation. Thankfully I wised up after a few months and realised although being a mummy is the biggest and most amazing part of my life it it definitely not all of it. I think you lose your identity as much as you allow it to happen or allow mummyness to take over everything.

We do lots of baby groups ( every other day usually) and I meet my
Friend who has a daughter 3 weeks younger. So we get to have out adult chat but also
Ends up being child talk (teething etc lol)

I think aswel where I'm in a very low place right now due to DP's situation that's
What unmotivates me, and also being 8.5m pregnant - I feel tired now! I am planning
On still doing the same when DC arrives (groups etc) but once the dust has settled
I do want to programme in time to crack on with my photography. I'm lucky with the support I have, but
Its just wondering how long it'll be until I get on my feet with two under two, doing
It alone etc. All in good time. But I will make sure I try to make time for me. Even
If it is only to bath, relax with my book/journal, do nails etc.

At the min, dD is in a good routine of 7-6:30/7am. So I have the evenings to chill.
Not sure how this will pan out when DC2 is here!!