17month old - How do you find the best way to talk/communicate

[Littlerayofsunshine]

What do you find the best way to talk/ communicate with your 17month old?
Especially when they choose to not listen, or quite simply don't understand what your saying?

I read a lot to DD, she's very chatty and loves to learn. Its more... Finding the best way to
Ask her to do something, or actually help showing her what I'm asking. She's getting good
At asking me for things now in her own way. Its just for example: if we've been outside (which she LOVES)
And when its time to come in. She doesn't understand and then gets upset! I try to ask quietly, but I end
Up having to raise my tone and say "NO, its time to finish up now"
I don't want her to think me saying it loudly is the only way she listens to.

Its not all the time. Just odd days. Its like where she's learning all these new skills, she's
Just testing them all. Which is good, but not so good when she doesn't listen and also
If I feel she's going to hurt herself.

I'd go for distraction in the example you give. Rather than "it's time to go in now" I'd say something like "Let's go in and wash our hands." or " let's go back to the car and check it's still there." which achieves your goal of getting her in and she stops her activity without realising.

Agree with the distraction technique.

Also, DS (also 17 months) enjoys waving, so when it is time to move on we wave bye bye - e.g. 'it's time to go home for lunch now, so let's wave bye bye to the ducks'. He also waves bye bye to books when we get to the end of them, and to the car when we get out of it, and to the playground, and generally anything that we aren't going to see for a little while.

I think it helps to be very specific with little ones, so if you say "it's time to finish up now" she might understand that the activity is going to end, but not understand what happens next. So, like Crazygracie said, tell her what's happening now eg "Let's go in and have lunch". I remember reading somewhere about using positives aswell, so instead of "don't throw your shoes in a heap" say clearly what you expect, "Put your shoes in the shoe rack" etc.

That reaction sounds to me like a normal toddler tantrum - I dont think it means she doesn't understand that it is time to go in, I think it just means she doesn't want to! If you use the same phrases or words each time she will know what they mean within a day or two, but she may still ignore you or do the opposite of what you want just because she has recently discovered that she can! We have had this since about 12MO but gradially getting more frequent till now at 18MO the number of times a day is almost infinite. Everything is a potential source of a tantrum. Ous is contrary as well, sometimes she will do exactly what you ask immediately and look very pleased with herself about it, beaming at me as if to say, "Look Mummy, I know what you are asking me and look, I can do it too!" then other times she will do the exact opposite or say "Noooooo"! and then kick and scream if you persist in asking her or telling her. All normal apparently, though extremely tiring. I try to make it into a game, saying, "Can you carry that cup/doll/book etc into the house?" when I want to go indoors, which often works, as she loves to show me she can do things by herself, but it's not completely failsafe.

Also agree that being more specific helps and also "Time to go in for lunch/a bedtime story/cuddle" etc is good as it gives them a reward for going indoors or for finishing a game.

Thanks ladies.

Yeah I said that today "Oh lets go in, its time to make cakes now :)" but it took her 5mins to actually stop moaning and then eventually did it.

I also read that too gourd - Where they are learning more, they just want to test/use to their specifics. as in one day she'll be happy to help mummy, the next she doesnt want to! - oh yes tiring. especially 8.5m pregnant with no.2!

I've got a good book i'm reading about toddlers when your expecting No.2, and when DC is born. things to try etc.