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Clingy DS, how do I encourage independent play at home?

4 replies

BrownBinDay · 04/04/2012 19:59

My 18mo DS is so clingy at home, I find it hard to get anything done whilst he is awake. He is happy if I am playing with him (well, reading to him - he loves to bring me books and sit on my lap), but if I try and do anything that I cannot involve him with directly, he gets very upset. For example, if I am cooking, I have tried putting him in high chair and giving him (safe) cooking implements, vegetables, toys, books. He just says 'down' and if I don't put him down he screams. But if I do put him down, he runs to me, clogs to my legs and screams. I have resorted to putting him in a play pen whilst cooking as I don't want him to get hurt. I try and distract him with songs, silly faces etc but he still screams. It breaks my heart that he is getting so upset but I don't know what else to do. I try and minimize the time I spend doing things like cooking as I hate seeing him so upset.

To try and encourage independence, we have played peekaboo/hiding and mummy leaving the room and coming back (started before he was mobile, now he just follows me). I can't even go to the loo in peace as he'll often try and climb on my lap!

He is, fortunately, happy to be left with DH, he isnt so clingy with Dh either (dint know why) . I think part of the problem is that he is not left with anyone other than DH or I. We don't have family locally. When DS and I go and visit family, if I leave the room he goes crazy. I think it would be good for DS to spend some time apart from me but we cannot afford to put him in nursery at all as I am currently unemployed.

Weirdly, at play group he isn't clingy at all and happily runs off to play. But if I only leave the room to go to the loo if I am desperate as I know that he will get so upset and I hate asking another mum to keep an eye on him when I know he'll be in floods of tears when I get back.

All and any advice on how I can help him to happily play by himself would be gratefully received. I dont know if it is relevant, but even if I am there he has never wanted to sit still for playing things like stacking cups or jigsaws. He will fetch eg stacking rigs and bring them to me, then we will sit down together and he will put the first ring on, throw the next across the floor, then go and fetch something else and no amount of persuasion will renew his interest in the stacking rings (until he decides to fetch them again..)

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
BrownBinDay · 04/04/2012 20:02

Sorry that was so long and full of typos.

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Machasma · 04/04/2012 20:21

I have no advice but in exactly the same position with my ds. Except he is like it with my dp. Fine with me will play happily while I get on with jobs around the house but the second my partner gets home he clings to him. Moaning and crying. Funny how behaviour differs. So I'm hijacking your thread I guess and hoping someone has some advice Smile

BrownBinDay · 04/04/2012 20:31

Glad to know its not just me, then! It makes me feel like I must be doing something drastically wrong Sad, and i feel pretty useless that I get so little done round the house. When I need to do things and he is being super clingy I do put him in a sling so he gets his cuddles. I thought that he would have outgrown wanting to be in the sling before now, just as well the slings comfy as he's quite heavy now!

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LeninGrad · 04/04/2012 21:04

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