losing temper guilty tips for 4yr old

[kizzie]

Hello - Ive really upset myself tonight by losing temper with my 4 yr old ds. He's always been a handful but is also very funny etc etc. A real boyish boy I suppose.
I have only ever smacked him once or twice but he has been getting more and more out of hand recently and tonight he through a real tantrum, kicking me, screaming (worse than tantrums he had as a toddler and now of course hes twice the size.)
I really lost my temper and ended up smacking his bottom. I was relaly shouting at him while he was lying on the floor screaming and made him stand up against the wall because I wanted to talk to him and tell him why I was so cross. Anyway obviously he didnt want to do that so I had hold of his arm and made him stand up while I carried on nagging at him. I suddenly frightened myself by thinking what if I had totally lost it and shook him or banged his head on the wall because I was so cross. i didnt of course and was totally aware of what I was doing but I just feel so guilty now. One because I just dont believe snacking does any good and 2 because I really was shouting and had lost my temper.
Does anyone else recognise this?????
Feeling like such a bad mother!!!

Oh and any tips for a lovely, gorgeous 4 yr old who really does need some discipline at the moment.

Kizziex

don't worry kizzie and you're not a bad mother,kids can really push it sometimes,you wouldn't be human if you didn't loose every now and again

Kizzie I think it's normal to lose it every now and again, especially when their behaviour gets to be very 'challenging'. My ds had a bit of a meltdown last week and (after a couple of weeks of not listening to me and being defiant) I felt I had no patience left... I also yanked him off the floor and yelled at him too, so you're not alone. I'm not proud of it either but in a way I think it lets them know that you have been pushed to a certain limit. He also did some 'time out' in his room, followed by no toys or tv for the rest of the day. His behaviour has actually been good since that day and I'm having a lot less trouble getting him to listen to me - it's like he's calmed right down and at the moment is being well behaved and cooperative.

I think it's very important to follow through on threats that you make, like sending him to his room or taking things away from him, so that he knows you mean business. I think if they experience some kind of a 'loss' due to their actions, the message will hopefully get through. Sometimes (I know in my case) I think we probably let them get away with certain things until finally it all blows up, and maybe some of the problems could have been avoided if we had've been consistent from the beginning. Of course there could be a whole lot of other factors involved in their behaviour but sometimes it might just be a matter of following through with discipline. Good luck...

Hi Kizzie, personally, I think that with children if you let them walk all over you and throw hudge tantrums then they know that they can get away with it. Don't get me wrong, I am sure that your child is wonderful but all kids at 4 yrs old will test your patience. It is a really tough year. A little spank ( and like you say you haven't done it very often ) shows them that they have pushed you to your limit;that's enough of that. You have to firm with your limits and always follow through. Your child needs love, patience and attention, but they also need dicipline. Please, don't get me wrong I am not saying to go and beat your child...that couldn't be further than what I am saying!
Good luck....and remember the age of 4 is one tough year for tantrums but it does get better in the blink of an eye!

Thankyou! for all your sympathetic and sensible replies. DH and I had a long talk about it last night and we are going to try and be more 'consistent' with our discipline but still work within our basic view of 'positive discipline' - ie. praising positive behaviour as much as possible.
Anyway DS and I had a chat and a cuddle this morning before he went to school and I feel a lot better now. He seems to have forgotten that i smacked him but knows that i was very cross and he went off to school saying he was going to be a very good boy at school today and get a sticker!
Thanks again.
Kizziex