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Parenting

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Original poster

At what age should children know about sex?

17 replies

emkana · 05/02/2006 22:19

I find myself astonished again by what I read on a German message board - there they are having this discussion and the majority thinks that children should know about the technicalities of sex well before they are eight years old, preferably by the age of 4/5.

My dd1 is four and I find the thought of going into the details of what men and women do together a bit .
Am currently pregnant and dd1 has asked how the baby got inside my tummy, so we just said about daddy's seed and mummy's egg... then we changed the subject and dd1 seemed quite happy with that and I was glad that she didn't ask any more questions.

So, over to you...

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QE2 · 05/02/2006 22:22

That's enough at that age, emkana.

Tell them in simple terms when they ask. No need for too much detail too young imo.

Angeliz · 05/02/2006 22:25

my dd ,( aged 4), keps asking where the baby comes out. I really don't want to go into it yet but someone has told her they cut it out and she said she's never having a baby. I wonder if i need to tell her but don't want to yet.
I keep fobbing her off and have said the same about the seed, but then she says, " yes but how did it get IN there?"

Spidermama · 05/02/2006 22:27

My three year old was happy with the daddy's-seed-and-mummy's-egg explanation but sadly my five and six year olds weren't. They wanted to know more so we had to tell them. We told them breifly and they both said, 'Eurch! Yuk!'

I remember being told by my mum when I was young (probably about 6) that Daddy puts his willy in mummy's ...' and I must've put on a revolted face or said, 'Yuk' because I remember my mum laughing and saying, 'It's supposed to be nice'.

I thought no more of the subject 'til much later in life and it never occured to me to experiment with this information until some 25 years down the line when I first got pregnant.

Babette Cole's book 'Mummy Laid an Egg' is quite good for this subject if things get hairy for you.

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charliecat · 05/02/2006 22:30

I have brought a book, lets talk about sex I think its called and its got lots of lovely images for my dds to browse at when im outside potting plants My oldest dd is 8.
Nothing at all has been mentioned about sex yet, both dds 8+5 know babies are grown in mummys tummys but thats it, as far as I know. Ive brought the book hoping they will look at it at the right time...

ladymuck · 05/02/2006 22:30

No use to you but both of my children were conceived by IVF and born by C-section. Makes it easier to tell them their story now, but at some point I'll have to explain that they're special.

Skribble · 05/02/2006 22:31

I think when they ask, unless they are 15 that is and still think that babies are brought by storks , I have always answered their questions honestly.

Skribble · 05/02/2006 22:32

I had 2 sections and had to explain to DD age 6 that most babies don't come that way.

WigWamBam · 05/02/2006 22:32

For me, if they are old enough to ask the question then they are old enough to be given a simple, straightforward answer. I tend to only answer the question dd asks though; I haven't given her all the ins and outs yet, just answered the questions she has asked. My dd started asking when she was about 3 (she's 4y8m now), and has been very matter-of-fact about what I've told her.

Mummy Laid An Egg is brilliant for that age (if a little subversive ), and Claire Rayner's The Body Book is very good too.

frogs · 05/02/2006 22:33

Get Babette Cole's book 'Mummy Laid an Egg' and take your cue from that, emkana.

I once saw a picture book that my (German, natch) cousin had for her children when they were about three, complete with black and white pictures of a couple, well, having sex. Full frontal nudity, erections, the works. It's at moments like that when I feel very English...

Having said that, I think 7 or 8 is probably the right age to know, at least in outline, where babies come from and how they get in there. Bear in mind that it's not particularly unusual for children to start developing at 8, and unless your children are at a very sheltered school they are likely to encounter some fairly graphic bits of misinformation in the playground. There are a lot of kids about who are very sexualised in terms of what they have seen on TV or video, but have very little in the way of real information. I've tended to take the gradual approach of supplying information as particular issues have come up, rather than the cringeworthy, "There's something I need to tell you..." conversation.

Original poster

emkana · 05/02/2006 22:36

Will definitely get that book then!

frogs - at moments like that I suddenly feel so English, and I really and truly am 100 % German! Very odd! Also get so shocked at the amount of swear words German Kindergarten children seem to know and use, and the German mums on the message boards don't think anything off it - and these are very reflective, educated mums!
And don't even get me started on the issue of letting four year olds walk home from Kindergarten all on their own...
I could go on, but I won't. Strange, these Germans!

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shimmy21 · 05/02/2006 22:40

I'm with the Germans on this one. Tell them the truth in words they can understand from as young as they can understand starting age 3 or 4 with very simple terms. If you wait until 8 or 9 to tell them anything they have already picked up in the playground that there is something very naughty and rude called sex that their parents are too embarrassed or shocked to explain. The younger they hear about it the less of a big deal the whole idea is. Why on earth not tell them?

Original poster

emkana · 05/02/2006 22:51

Why not tell them - tbh I love it that my dd's are so sweet and innocent and I would quite like to keep it that way for a little while longer. Don't want to lie to them when they ask questions but also don't want to say too much too soon.

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shimmy21 · 05/02/2006 22:59

but Emkana, if you them in an innocent way so that it is just another of the million facts that little kids learn every day then they don't lose any of their innocence. (cows say moo, flowers don't grow when you pick them, babies are made from daddy's seed and mummy's egg etc etc). I think the loss of innocence is when they pick up on the idea that it's something dirty or naughty. I told my 2 boys from as young as they could ask (and usd the Babette Cole book too) and it has not yet ever been something to giggle about. In fact they are incredibly uncurious about the whole thing!

harpsichordcarrier · 05/02/2006 23:03

I am absolutely with shimmy on this
imho there is nothing dirty about children knowing about sex
dd1 asked me (when I was pregnant) about how the baby got in and (later) about how it would get out so I told her (in very simple and matter of fact terms) and she hasn't mentioned it again
it's interesting but don't make it into a big fat deal when it doesn't need to be, I say

PandaG · 05/02/2006 23:18

My DS (6) has the 'Flip Flap Body Book' by Usborne, this talks about sperm and eggs, but not about how they mix, so if you get asked the question you can answer it as you see fit. I have told mine that God puts babies in mummys' tummies (as a christian this is my pov), and also that they come out of a special hole and you squeeze them out like a poo! Answering their questions as they arise honestly but without too much extra info is how I have dealt with this, and so far so good. Expect they will throw me a curve ball at some point though!

chipmonkey · 06/02/2006 00:21

ds1 asked if we were going to have any more babies. I said that Mammy's tummy had probably had enough. (Though the jury's still out on that one!) He said, "Well you're going to have to stop kissing Daddy then!"
Now there was an opportunity to explain things except that ds2 was also in the car at the time and its TMI for him IMO, at the moment.

FrannyandZooey · 06/02/2006 07:54

I agree, it is only a big deal, or shameful and nasty if you make it so. Ds asked last week how he got in my tummy, which I wasn't expecting quite yet (he's 2.10), but I just trotted out the seed / egg thing. I can't deny I was sort of relieved when he didn't take it any further, but I would have told him had he asked. I can't honestly see what else I could have done. Said "I'm not telling you until you're older"? Lied about it? I think the more relaxed we can be about this the better.

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