I crave quiet and have two toddlers - Feeling like my Head will Explode - any advice?

[twiddletwaddle]

We have two toddlers, just turned 4 and almost 3 so very small age Gap. The Noise of the two of them does something to my Brain and i Long for quiet. My father was loopy and now i think i am if not the same then have the same problem. i am one of four children and he would not let us speak at the dinner table. i always said that he should never have had children and certainly not four of them.he had a terrific temper and i see in myself what i think was a desperate need for quiet.

given that some people might say i should not have had children i am where i am and i love my children and want to do my best. so i need to try to manage my head-exploding feelings.

can anyone who has felt the same offer any advice?

I kind of talk to myself so that I acknowledge the state of my head before I explode iyswim. I also explain lots of stuff to dd1 especially who is six so that she can work with me and not feel its her fault that I am getting riled. I had cbt and although not focused on explosiveness and need for calm specifically, I generally dont get as stressed as I used to. I can see when I'm getting angsty and take myself off if possible. Don't know if that helps. I have days when I long to sit and stare at a blank wall in a sound proofed room

Yes I think recognising when things are getting a bit much for you and doing something about it before you reach meltdown stage, like putting them out in the garden if you have one with emergency bubble rations or turning on cbeebies while you put on headphones.

Would they be interested in a who can stay quiet for the longest competition - is the game called sleeping lions or something like that?

Its hard not to repeat what our parents did, even if we don't think it was the greatest parenting because its what you know best.

Have on occasion told mine my head WILL explode if they don't zip it for 5 minutes

If they still can't calm down they have to go to their room to make a racket

Mine are constantly clapping, tapping, cartwheeling and hand standing too, the non stop banging drives me nuts sometimes

"Garden Now!" Is often heard in this house.
Or it's companion phrase, " separate rooms now!"

You are not turning into your Father just because you crave the head space to think. Every parent does.

When they were little I left them with DH and went swimming one night a week. It kept me sane.
A friend says her gym class is sacred, her boys are 11+13, but she still needs space. A place that isn't family or work.

DH vanishes into his study or the shed.

If your ever in a school teachers jealously guard their lunch hour.

Your desire for peace is quite natural OP.
As is your fear that short temper is inherited. I suspect it probably is to a degree, I'm pretty short and shouty with my DDs as was my Dad with us.

I tend not to worry about it because I got on really well with Dad and DH is very like him. I'm far to lazy to try and change. I admire you for wanting to.
DD1 isn't as short tempered as her parents, but tolerates us with a wisdom far beyond her years.
DD2 is outwardly beautifully behaved, but actually much the highest strung of us all. She does get upset and wound up if DH and I shout at her or each other.
As she becomes a teen I need a better way to deal with her.

I have 3 under 4 and have put my foot down with my 3yr old shouting, my 2yr old gets sent to his room to calm down if he starts screaming at the other 2 and my 1yr old is the worst!

When it all gets too much they get sent to the garden, I put a music CD on or the t.v.
After lunch is our sacred quiet time - I clean and tidy up after lunch then we all sit in the lounge and chill out with Cbeebies on.

thank you for your messages. some of it is i think sheer boredom, i find being with small children challenging (and i need i improve) but it is not mentally stimulating. the children are out until 12.30 each day (younger one three days a week with each morning from august) the rest of the time each day is me. we go out to ativities but my husband is never home before they go to bed and is away maybe one week a month. so like many people no aunty, granny or anyone else to take some of the focus off me.

headphones with calming music on may help you zone out from the noise while ensuring that you can still give the kids your full attention. Does sound like you're repeating a pattern here butn kids are naturally noisy and thats not going to change. just have to find a way of it not being such an issue. this is YOUR family not your dad's so things can be different. saying that, I know how hard it is to break old habits. Try and see their noise as a positive: them learning to express themselves and communicate.

I locked myself in my room once. I'd had 3 hours of chaos and the dc's were just laughing at me and not taking a blind bit of notice. Took a cup of tea and stayed there to drink it in peace. There were much better behaved after that .

I can't stand the noise and chaos my dc's create. It was ok when they both had naps and couldn't undo stair gates but these days I'm constantly on edge as I can't get away from them.

Cbeebies. Or park.

Or put them in the bath with bubbles and kitchen utensils. Shaving foam?

I use to do bath at that age - I was pg and DH worked long hours. I'd sit on the loo and let them get on with it.

Ceebies, iplayer DD1 learnt how to work that from about 3 and liked the control, TV for me with them around but quiet or upstairs, loud fun music on, taking them to nearby park, or walk to shop or garden.

It does get easier as they get older.

I think a lot of my feelings is frustration with myself. I do not work and I think I would be better off being able to work part time. I know many people get no choice but to work and I am fortunate that I do not have to. It is not feasible for me to work for at least the next 2 years until both are at school and then as we are in a foreign country I do not think it will be easy for me to find work.

I find being with small children challenging but just not mentally stimulating and I am fed up of the endless round of shopping, cooking and generally "wasting" my time. I know I should see if that any job is worth doing properly and it is a job that I should give my best to.

I have bawled at the 4 yr old this afternoon - having been to the shopping centre (mistake but a way to kill time) as she messed around getting out of the car - swinging in and out of the seat when I had asked her to get out. I guess I am bored and fed up and need to change my attitude.