Routines 11 weeks help!!!

[Emy84]

DS is 11 weeks old. I decided that I didnt want to follow any routines that dictated when and where LO should feed and nap but the lack of routine is driving me crazy!! I am a very organised and planned person I like to know what I am doing when and am finding it really hard not knowing when DS will be feeding or napping!
I try to work day feeds so that the last feed (no. 6/7) is due at 10-1030pm which I express and DH gives. DS will then sleep til betweeen 4-530am. I then feed every 3/4 hours trying to end up with a feed due a 10ish. Naps are totally erratic. Some days LO seems to want to sleep for 2-3 hours at a time others he only wants 30 mins naps. A friend is doing a routine with her DD that involves starting the days feedings at 7am. If I were to feed DS at 7am he may not take a proper feed if he had only been fed at 530. Also I am not sure if I like the idea of trying to force baby to feed/sleep at a certain time but would love some sort of pattern particularly with the sleeping.
I would love any ideas on how to implement some sort of routine or what others were doing at this age. Maybe i am expecting too much as he is still so little. I just feel as though I never get anything done and cant give attention to anything other than DS

DD (6mo) put herself onto a routine at about 8 weeks but she is bottle fed which I think makes it easier as she's always getting the same amount of nutrients at each feed so how long she stays awake for/what she has energy for is always pretty consistent. Friends that managed to breast feed haven't been using routines in the same way but have put them in place for things like bath time and bed time which they've said has been really useful. The things you can control, like what time you get your DS up in the morning, what time you bath him, what time you put him to bed, can be put on a routine without affecting his breast feeds I reckon. For instance, we put DD to bed at 7pm and get her up at 7am. So if she wakes up at 6.30 we treat it as nighttime.

My DD is about a week younger than yours - we try to feed on demand (ebf) and she sleeps when she's tired. I have 3 things I do each day - getting showered/dressed, making dinner & do 1 bit of housework and eating at least 2 meals. That's it!

DD has a morning routine and evening routine (sort of) - when she wakes up (between 6 & 8:30) we get her fed, washed & dressed then do singing/playing until she is tired & goes to sleep usually for 2-3 hours when I do breakfast/shower/dress/chore/make dinner(slow cooker). She will only ever be awake for 1.5 to 2 hours but the rest of the day is erratic. In the evening we do bathtime and dressing for bed around 8pm (dinner is done in shifts between 7 & 8pm) when she'll then cluster feed every 30 mins or so until bed between 10 & 11 when she'll sleep for 4 hours (feed at 3ish then at 6ish then maybe go back to sleep maybe not).

Its not much of a routine yet tbh but its been largely set by her - she normally has a longer sleep again sometime between 3 and 6 pm so we both go for a nap then (otherwise there is no way I can function on so little sleep and she's a good baby).

With regard to getting anything done, someone told me when pregnant that western society has been the only one throughout time that has expected mothers to bounce back as quickly as it does. Everywhere else has always rallied round to look after them and their house for at LEAST 12 weeks so they can focus on only the baby. Therefore, be nice to yourself and pat yourself on the back for doing a great job!

I asked our Health Visitor about this last week (DD 10 weeks) and she said it was a bit early to put a routine in place, but that it was time to start thinking about it now. Having said that, I'm not desperate to get her into one as I think (touch wood) we're coping ok with demand led stuff thus far and DD seems to be starting to form her own routine now.

I think it helps that I've given up trying to get anything done until DH comes home and can take baby off my hands for the evening except for shower, making dinner, bit of housework. Is there someone who can help by taking baby off your hands for an hour or more?

oh, and i would thoroughly recommend a book called, What mother's do, espesciallly when it feels like nothing at all. It offers loads of reassurance and made me feel a whole lot better about the way I am parenting DD.

my LO is 22 weeks now but I tried to do baby whisperer when she was about that age. She has always fed on the dot of every 3 hours but napping was a bit erratic. I got myself in a state trying to stick to the routine for a few weeks and then I decided to stop and just watch her for signs of being tired. It was the best thing for us, she settled into her own routine and I chilled out. Now she still feeds every 3 hours (!!!) even though we've started weaning and she tends to have a nap at about the same times every day. Also I read the first bottle should always be 7am but i just give it when shes ready so that might be 8-9am if shes woken for a bottle early in the morn/night.

Hi
I remember I felt similar to you around about that point, but tbh they are still so little then it's quite hard to have a routine per se. I always had a bedtime routine at the same time every day, and stuck to that, (sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't) but I just went with the flow in the daytime. It wasn't until my DD was about 6 months and weaning that a daytime routine fell into place and she now naps at 9am and 1pm most days. This was partly because I implemented set meal times and the day just took shape from that.

Try not to worry too much about it yet - trying to force a routine according to a bunch of set times from a book can just make you feel stressed if it isn't working (it did for me so I gave up on it). Your LO will probably fall into a routine at some point, and in the meantime, do you have a baby bouncer? I used to put my DD in one and bring her in the kitchen while I prepared dinner. I'd sing to her or talk to her and she'd watch me cook. I'd cart her around the house in a sling sometimes too.

Sounds like you are doing brilliantly and to have your DS sleeping so well already is amazing. I have friends who have 8 and 9 month olds who still wake up several times in the night and who won't sleep past 4am!

Mine is only 8 weeks but i started putting him to bed at 7pm everynight even if he wasn't looking that tired about 3 weeks while everything was still all over the place, the first few nights i was up trying to settle him for anything up to 2 hours but now he is used to it he's tired at that time anyway. Since i started he's gradually getting into a routine he only gets up for 2 feeds between 7 and 7 and his morning nap is now always 1 1/2 hours after he gets up and his other naps are starting to get more regular too.

It's taken 4 weeks to get to this point i just started with the bed time and built on it one week at a time i've found it easier and less pressure than struggling with a routine that he doesn't know anything about.

Best parenting advice i have 'Rome wasn't built in a day'

DS was 12 weeks when I decides he would go to bed at 7am & get up at 7pm & whatever happened in between was random.

So one day I just got him up at 7 & went from there.

When you start introducing solids it gets easier to do a routine.

Good luck.

Thanks for all the replies - since I posted lo has decided to wake up and go to bed at roughly the same time so day feeds are working out to a sort of routine .

Naps are still erratic but I can work with that!