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Can anyone please help me to help my friend with her 11 week old?

10 replies

Four4me · 27/03/2012 19:55

My lovely friend's 11 week old dd is screaming every time she is travelling in the car or in the pushchair. She has always done this, but when she was very small she did fall to sleep. As she is getting more alert she screams for the whole journey.

My friend is finding this very distressing and so is her 2.5 yo ds. They live in an isolated village and her dh works long hours so she is keen to be out and about. She will lie quite happily in the car seat or buggy when not in transit. She has taken her to a couple of appointments at a cranial osteopath which has had little effect.

I am at a total loss what to suggest, apart from moving ds into the front away from the dd as he has started to be difficult about getting in the car as 'baby screams all the time'. My friend is starting to look and say that she is feeling very low as she just wants to be able to do something to help her dd stop screaming. She has talked to her hv, who had no idea what would be causing it.

Anyone had a similar experience? Any ideas? Thanks.

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jenrendo · 27/03/2012 19:58

Can't help with the car seat, but when out and about has she tried a sling or a baby carrier? My DS lived in his Baby Bjorn as soon as he was 8lbs and was really happy in it. I even did the hoovering with him in it one day when he just wouldn't sleep.

Nevercan · 27/03/2012 20:04

Had baby got plenty of things to look at I.e dangling toys? My dd2 got frustrated as she didnt like being rear facing. She was much better when she was front facing in the car HTH

Four4me · 27/03/2012 20:05

Thanks jenrendo I did ask her about a sling and she said she had tried one and the dd was a bit fussy in it, but thought she would use it more when the dd can face outwards. Doesn't help as she is trying to deal with a very full on toddler who wants lifting into swings etc etc and is potty training. Will ask her if she has tried any other slings.

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Four4me · 27/03/2012 20:08

nevercan thanks, I'll ask her. Maybe one of those mirror things is an idea.

I think if one more person helpfully says to her 'babies normally love the car and pushchair' she'll be the one screaming!!

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TheOneWithTheHair · 27/03/2012 20:13

My SIL had this with my dn and was recommended to take him to a baby chiropractor. Something got knocked out of line during a completely uneventful vaginal birth.

We were all a bit sceptical at first but even after the first visit the change in dn was amazing. My SIL tried to manage the screaming herself for a few months and this was a massive relief to both of them.

ChocolateBiscuitCake · 28/03/2012 13:59

DS2 hated the car. As a result DH was sent to sit in the back whilst DS2 sat next to me in the front where he would settle if I was next to him to soothe (pat tummy, say shhh, give dummy etc). It made life a lot less stressful for us all.

DS2 suffered from terrible silent reflux and had a dairy intollerence. Not sure if it is relevent, but thought I would mention in case it helps!

BloooCowWonders · 28/03/2012 14:08

dc3 was like this. To be honest (and OP you might or might not want to tell your friend this...) it was only with age that she improved. The forward facing car seat definitely helped a bit, but it was a long 11 months getting there, and even then she still hated travelling (car/ buggy etc)

I often wondered if it was a sort of low level travel sickness. But there again my dd was a generally very unhappy baby, screaming for a lot of the time, and full-blown colic for the first 13 weeks.

I think the only thing you can do as a friend is to offer support and let the mum get away from the baby if at all possible.

But like so many things, it will get better, but might seem interminable...

MagnumIcecreamAddict · 28/03/2012 14:47

My DS was like this. Only improved when he went forward facing at 8 months (big baby fortunately). It was awful, I dreaded the car so can sympathise but having tried everything I'm afraid nothing but time will help.
Might be worth trying someone ele's car seat to see if that's any better, especially a high one so LO can see out of the window.

mathanxiety · 28/03/2012 16:25

DD3 hated the car with a passion. She screamed herself blue in the face on the trip home from the hospital at the age of two days. We were crawling along in rush hour traffic and the other DCs fell silent and started sucking their thumbs. The second the car stopped she stopped crying and gave a little sigh. It didn't get better until she was about 2, sorry to say.

I used to have to travel to a supermarket twenty minutes away for groceries, and by the time we got there she would be literally in a lather from screeching and sobbing. I would spend twenty minutes breastfeeding her and calming her down in the van, and we would then proceed to try to shop. She hated going in the trolley in her carseat too.

I didn't know if it was the sensation of moving while on her back or the view of the lights and girders in the ceiling, or the muzak -- she reduced entire sections of the supermarket to silence just as she had done to her siblings, and people used to look at me as if I was a cruel, horrible mother, when I was just trying to get the damn shopping done in one trip to save everyone a repeat of the horror of it all until the next week. Even so, I often ended up forgetting things despite having a list, as the distraction of it all was too much.

It was really difficult for me to have her in a front sling and shop, as leaning down to get items from the lower shelves was hard with a sling and a baby in it who didn't brace herself for changes in position like that, and some things required two hands to pick up. The older DCs were my little shopping helpers.

When she started sitting up I got a back carrier that she could sit in, and this was a little better even though it didn't fit me very well (it was stupidly designed, I think with the proportions of someone taller than 5'6" in mind perhaps a dad and not a mum?). Sitting up in her back carrier, she would play with a chunky bead necklace that I used to wear around my neck just to give her something to manipulate and chew, and pull my hair. I also attached other little toys securely to the carrier. I didn't care how I looked. It was difficult to get her into it when we shopped I had a van and had to set it down in the boot, put her in and fasten the straps, then sit down and hoist it onto my back, and off we would go. She also used to shift her weight from side to side and could sort of stand up or bounce by wedging her feet against the waist strap -- my back hurt a lot but it was worth it. I had to use the back carrier for her while I did housework and cooking too. It was very handy for the park and lifting the older ones onto swings or rescuing them from places they had climbed to. Weirdly enough, she liked the baby swings. (Many good memories of her happy little face).

She improved in the supermarket when she got big enough to sit in the trolley seat, though she protested very loudly about going in, stiffened herself and resisted stoutly when she got to the terrible two stage. I often enlisted the help of supermarket staff/security staff to cajole her into co-operation or to hold the trolley while I jammed her in, and I had to use a harness to make sure she didn't climb out. By that time she was sitting front facing in the car too, and not lying back.

I put her in the middle of the back seat so that the others could easily climb in on either side and so that I could see her in the mirror and she could see me. We used to sing a lot in the car together, and I had tapes (it was the late 90s and an old vehicle) that she liked. If we went on long car trips as a family I used to sit in the back with her and wear myself out entertaining her for the sake of everyone else's sanity (because obv mine was never in danger - hah!). We used to do a nine hour trip to see exFIL and MIL once a year and it was murder. They used to talk among themselves about why I was always so uptight when I visited, I later found out...

The screaming that accompanied car travel and shopping was just one aspect of a really intense, persistent, determined and nervous personality that mostly revealed itself in negative ways until she was about 4 (hence the carrier while cooking and housework, and she didn't sleep through the night until she was almost three), though there were a lot of good times too -- but it all seemed to turn positive after that as she became more amenable to reason (or maybe there were other factors and I am clueless). The positives as a baby and toddler were that she was really, really loving and liked to be close to me, loved to converse and sing and enjoyed rhymes. She has perfect pitch and now at 13 is a budding actress with a great sense of humour, a fantastic mimic who can nail tone and attitude. She still hates travelling fast, has a fear of trains, and sleepwalks occasionally.

Your friend may be in for a wild ride but that sort of personality has its rewards too.

Four4me · 28/03/2012 20:49

Thank you all for your replies. She has had another bad day today and is back at the cranial osteopath on Friday. The baby dd is a pleasure most of the other times. Apperantly she is a bit colicy on an evening, but I do think it sounds a bit more cluster feeding.

theonewiththehair I'll mention the chiropractor to her. Many thanks.

I did wonder about reflux or some sort of intolerance. Or ear issues as it on movement she goes bananas. She maybe needs to revisit the gp. Thanks chocolate

She is quite a yummy chunk so hopefully she will be big enough to go forward facing as early as possibly. Like your dc's blooo and magnum .

Wow math you seem to have had a hands full with baby dd3. Sadly I think my friend will just have to ride it out. I suppose she just wants to make sure there is nothing she is missing that she can help her dd with.

Thanks all.

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