How do you get your child to develop a thick skin?

[kipsy]

My DD, almost 4, has had these things said to her recently:

• I don't want to be your friend
• I don't ever want to come to your house (during a playdate) and I will never let you come to mine
• I am never going to play with you again

All of these from the same child, in the presence of her mother.
And not just the one instance, multiple times.
This has hurt my DD a lot, more than she admits to me. She is VERY sensitive, and takes such statements to heart. Also she desperately wants to be friends with the spoilt brat.

1. What do I tell my daughter to do if someone says such things to her? I have told her to just say "It's ok, I will play with someone else" or some variation of that. I have also told her to NEVER talk like this as its hurtful and unkind.

Is that the best way to handle it? I wish I could guarantee that "someone else" will actually be happy to play with her, but I can't.

1. How do I deal with the child who is making these comments? The mother did not bat an eyelid, and just laughed it off. I was furious and very hurt on my child's behalf. Should I just shrug it off as something children say and don't mean? I didn't say anything, should I have?

Thanks!

I know this may sound odd, but I think what you describe is a good experience for any child to have, especially as your lucky child had her mother close by. Life is difficult. The sooner we learn to handle criticism and rejection the wiser we will grow up to be. I agree that the other mother's behaviour was odd. But you should seize such encounters as learning opportunities for your child, and don't dwell on any personal affront.

I agree with PP, although heartbreaking it is an opportunity for your dc to learn how to handle rejection with your support. You can say that you and many other people love and appreciate dc's company, and there are plenty of friendly children in the world. Sorry that sounds a bit like 'plenty more fish in the sea'!

It's hard to watch our DS get upset but impossible to prevent it

I meant dc not ds - apologies!

Fwiw my 4 yo DS is shy and gets upset in this way, I just offer plenty of cuddles and explain that people aren't always friendly and to seek out nice company / be friendly etc.

He often hangs out with girls because at this age they seem kinder. Shame we can't arrange a Playdate!

my son is also 4 and he has 2 close friends who regularly say this to him. I think they think it's "cool" to say at this age? It doesn't seem to affect their relationships at all - the next time they see each other the bromance is on again