Falling asleep (me) while bf-ing, scared!

[Firstdayofspring]

Hi all, looking for some advice and words of wisdom! My DD is four days old, i keep passing out, that is what it feels like, when breastfeeding at night. I wake up to find we are both asleep sitting up! It is scaring the bejasus out of me that I could drop her or suffocate her. This morning her face was right inside my arm :( I'm crying while writing this at the thought of it. She just wont settle though, so last night she didnt lie in her moses basket at all. I have 2 older children but i dont remember feeling so anxious!! I thought the third would be a breeze! I cant feed lying on my side, my boobs are just too small. Ive tried being on here during a feed, still fall asleep, even reading AIBU!! Should i turn the light on? How the heck do I stay awake? Am completely terrified that the worst thing will happen, prob hormones, but I am a worrier at the best of times. Perhaps i should get my dh to FF in the night? Oh dear rambling now. Thanks for listening girls!

I did this with DD as well and hated it - sometimes I'd put her in the cot then fall asleep when I sat back down and would wake up in a complete panic not remembering where the baby was and sometimes I'd wake up with her asleep on me. Couldn't feed on my side either.

In the end did all my night feeds downstairs with lights on and tv on - often with food and water too - and then stayed long enough until she was sound asleep before creeping upstairs again and putting her down. not ideal, but worked for me. Later as feeds got shorter I found it easier to stay awake upstairs reading on iphone.

This is why I started co-sleeping and feeding lying down. I though it was better to arrange things safely than fall asleep by accident.

Co sleep lying down, then you can make sure you and the baby are in a safe place when you fall asleep.

I moved our pillows as far apart as possible, then I put DS3 in the centre of the bed in the gap between the two pillows, so laying flat above the duvet or with the duvet just over his legs.

Then when I fell asleep it didn't matter.

When DD was very small I had to feed sitting up in bed so I would turn on a light and read. It was tough but I made it through a few weeks like that. Afterwards I was better at feeding lying down and although I dosed I would also keep checking her nose was clear.

Is it possible to get some help with the lying down feeding position? Perhaps a bf counsellor could help you with it using pillows, etc.?

Same thing happened to me, which is why I started consciously co-sleeping.

We moved to a futon mattress on the floor, with my duvet only up to my waist (I wore cardigans), and DS in his grobag next to me.

It was lovely - and it felt very easy and natural, and like I would know if there was any danger, if you see what I mean. We fed lying down.

We still do all of the above, out of choice - DS is one year now. It's easy and sleepy and lovely.

And don't worry about rolling over and squashing baby, even really tired your 'Mummy' instinct will stop that happening.

Just read that your boobs are too small to feed on your side - have you tried getting in a semi-front position, like the recovery position? I found that was quite comfy. Not that my boobs are small, far from it - I can feed him when he's at my side and I'm on my back but that position puts the boob at the top closer to baby.

I'm sure there will be a position lying down that works, keep trying and you'll find it.

If you have the duvet down to your waist and a v pillow behind you then the risk is very low. It's called co-sleeping.

I found these helped:
Having a hot drink (I took a flask of herbal tea to bed)
Talking with DH
Setting a timer with an alarm for 15 mins
Listening to music
feeding in a rocking chair

It will get easier as she sleeps longer and feeds less at night. I'm impressed that feeding is comfy enough at four days for you to sleep.

I have small boobs and only fed lying down at night. I would lie on my side and have that arm bent up under my head, iyswim, so the baby on his side could get close enough.

Thanks everyone for your replies! I feel a bit better now, but dreading tonight... I like the timer idea, will try that. I may have a go feeding lying down for next feed, just never feels natural, also how do you feed on the other side?! Do you move baby to middle of the bed? I would have to there is no way my top booby would stretch down that far!

Am hoping that I am just so knackered from the c section, being in hospital etc that this is a very temporary phase.

Right, off to bed now to get a head start.

could you ask your oh to wake up with you just for the next week to help ypou stay awake?

i know that means you will both be tired but if its ju]st for a week? things might be diff in that time, you might find staying awake easier or/and you might have found a way to feed lying down.

I had a cs and bf and co slept with mine. we had a cot next to my side of the bed(a bassinet thing where the mattress is a litttle higher up) and i used to always feed with ds in the middle first and then swop to the outside so that if i then fell asleep it would all be safe

I quite often fell asleep while BFing, only to wake an hour or so later no harm done. A v pillow is a good idea though. I had one, and a comfy BFing chair, and never once did DS fall, just fell asleep at the boob all content. Don't worry too much.

I found that after having DS2 for a week or so I couldn't feed without falling asleep. But it did pass. If your baby is only 4 days old hopefully it will for you too.

I cosleep because its the only way I can get any sleep but I can sympathise with how you feel because while I follow safe cosleeping advice it still scares me.

Re lying down - I would start with baby in middle of bed then next time flip him to other side next time. My boobs are way too small for top boob to reach down. I would prop baby on his side with a pillow behind him.

This, and this alone, is the reason I am not rocking in a cell with a strait jacket .

Don't really have any advice so it's lucky that others are coming up with some great suggestions for you. Just thought I'd say that I have been in this position too and luckily no harm was done. First night home with ds1, I bfed him sitting up in bed and passed out. Next thing I suddenly burst awake and noticed that newborn ds had rolled down the bed and was fast asleep near our feet, with that contented little look on his face. Dh gave me a right bollocking but I pointed out that he had fallen asleep too! any way, hope the nights get easier for you and congratulations on your new arrival. : )

Feed her in bed lying down. Takes a bit of practice with a very small baby, but it's possible.

DD2 always fed between DH and I first and then on the outside edge second.

This meant she fell asleep on the cooler edge of the bed.

She just slept in the crook of my arm, down from the pillow under the edge of our quilt. She never fell out (she's spent 11 years falling out of her own bed).
There is lots of complicated advice these days about co-sleeping, as far as I can see the risks are tiny as long as you don't smoke, drink or take pills.

IMO they are far out weighed by the benefits of BFing and sleep for mother and baby.

I had difficulty BFing till I got a mental image of the way a mother cat does it - on her side, totally relaxed. I did this in the daytime - maybe try that first if it scares you too much at night, just dozing. Hope you find a way that suits you. Its very early days.

Definitely feed lying down. Nature is telling you, very strongly, to sleep! And the best and safest position is lying down.

When DS was small i used to feed on one side, and then roll us both over to feed on the other side. Now he's older I find I can feed on the same side.

Thanks for the further replies, really appreciate It! Last night was better, well, she still has day night reversal so i couldnt put her down, even right next to me in bed. I used my v pillow behind me and new widgey pillow and she looked pretty secure. My dh went to bed early too so he got up with her for a couple of hrs between midnight and two am. Still my coccyx really killed in the morning! I need dh to be on form in the day though to look after the other two! I feel more rested today and i did feel less of the 'drugged' feeling last night. I am not sure i can be a co sleeper, just too many issues of comfort and paranoia, but whilst needs must i will prevail. I think the hospital scared me with the totally anti co sleep policy.

I keep repeating 'this too shall pass'....

jasperjohns I here you re straitjacket!!

Cheers again everyone, have a lovely w/e, hope weather is nice where you are!

Brilliant that last night went better!

Just to add one tip I was given on here which I found really useful - when feeding laying down, the baby needs to be MUCH further down than you naturally expect them to be.

When I started I was trying to feed DD with her in the crook of my arm but it wasn't really working but when I made sure she was nose-to-nipple level it really made a difference. Also, when you're in position, do get your DH to squash pillows in place to support your back and keep you wedged in position.

Good luck!

God, you poor thing. This was me last year - I remember actually slapping my face and shaking my head vigorously in an attempt to stay awake. DP was banished to the sofa because there was no point in all three of us being knackered. I had cereal bars and bananas on my bedside table to try to keep going through those long, lonely nights. Awful, awful, awful.

Give co-sleeping a go if you can, that way you're far safer if you do fall asleep. Good luck! You know it gets easier.

DD1 is now 17 days old, and I had/have a similar problem to you (though with bigger boobs, just the wrong shape for her to be able to latch onto without me holding them for her). I can't manage lying down to nurse either. I stopped feeding her sitting in bed and moved a chair into the bedroom and I nurse her on that, watching a dvd with the subtitles on so I don't wake DH. The subtitles mean I can stay awake as it is something to do!

Also advice from the mw - nap during the day when baby naps. If you can't sleep properly during the day, just close your eyes and mentally drift - it will help. You can do that on the sofa if you don't want to go to bed during the day.

And I second the advice about food and drink. It is really hard to fall asleep whilst you are stuffing your face! And you need to keep your strength up, especially in the early days (more mw advice) when you're recovering from the birth.