How to teach DD to toughen up abit!

[pigleychez]

DD1 is 3.7 and the biggest weed there is!

She is most over cautious child ive ever known. Ridng a bike is painful as shes constanty panicking about how she might fall and if we come across a bit of a slop its the end of the world. Just picked her up from nursery with her scooter as her friends had one this morning and thought she would enjoy riding hers home too...Big mistake as we spent the 10 minute walk home wimpering that its too tricky, im going to fall etc

Trying to give her more opportunities to practice but its blinking hard work and were not getting anywhere fast. I dont think shes ever going to be confident enough to ride a bike properly!

Im not a precious mother who wraps her up in cotton wool either and actively give her opportunities etc. Her sister is the complete opposite and not even 2 yet.

Anything else I can do to toughen her up abit?

I think some kids are just naturally more cautious. My dd is in year one and only just starting to become more confident with things like that, although it clearly doesn't come naturally to her.

I wish i had more patience!

Aw don't try and toughen her up! She is just taking her time to find her confidence in things and needs you there to tell her that this attitude, and what is frightening/worrying her, are all ok. If she is a cautious worrier then that is who she is - your job, I think, is not to tell her how crap that (and therefore, she) is, but to give her confidence to be that person and work through her worries until she is so chilled it will all be ok she doesn't fret so much.

She'll get the hang of it soon enough and when she does she'll be off and so happy that you encouraged her and made her feel safe - not stupid and a failure for worrying so much.

sorry that sounded a bit ahrsh. I am sure you do encourage her :) But just take a deep breath and chill, she is fine!

yeah I agree thats her nature. Its just very frustrating when her peers are so much more confident and even littler kids are nipping past her.

She's the same with other things too.. Freaks out if theres a hair on a toy for example and I swear she's going to have OCD when she's older! She's hard work! :)

PooPoo- glad im not alone :)

Its just the way she is!

Forget about what other kids can/can't do.

Hello Pigley!!

As everyone else says, it's just who she is and the best you can do is encourage her to try things and bolster her confidence as much as you can. FWIW, my DD1 is the worrier, and cautious about doing things while DD2 is completely fearless and goes to the other extreme. DD3 (same age as your DD1 ) is erring towards the 'no sense of danger' side of things too. DH and I think some of it is birth order - we were probably too overcautious with DD1, and a lot more relaxed with the other two. And, of course, the other two see their older sister doing things and want to try them out straight away (my mum calls DD3 'Me too!').

And actually, the funny thing is, DD1 was far better and more confident on a bike than DD2 - DD2 still has stabilisers on her bike and is quite fearful of it, but I fully expected her to get on and hare off into the distance! Just when you think you've got them sorted out...

My ds has always to tended to be cautious about trying new things e.g bike riding, swings, climbing frames etc. We tended to try and get him to try things but if he wasn't ready to or didn't want to then nothing we said or did would persuade him. When he first started playing for a footie team his coach would urge him to 'toughen up' neither he nor us were happy with this. I think that was the point that it really clicked with us that he was never going to toughen up (not that we wanted him to) but he was happy being who he was. Even now at almost 13 he will contemplate everything and try something when he is ready. We refer to this attitude as doing things in 'bebumba ds time'!

What stuff is she good at OP? My DD is like yours, I was a bit of a tom boy so I find it quite hard to understand!

DD is 4, I'm not bothering with bike riding until she wants to, probably this summer, she only just wants a scooter...I am going to buy one and am anticipating that her younger brother will use it more (very boisterous 2 year old!).

She loves numbers, counting games and rhymes so I try and take lots of pleasure in that and let the other stuff come as and when.

Giraffe- Your right, I think DD is going to much more academic than Physical.
She can already read some of the reception class level books and seems to just love learning.
She's always been a sponge for learning and at 18mths knew colours, shapes, numbers to 10 and most letters.

I guess we cant be good at everything! :)

Speaking as a former 'Big Wuss of a Kid' I can reassure you that, even though we may never be as gung-ho as some, we can go on to lead useful, moderately adventurous lives and we do learn to ride bikes, drive cars and other exciting stuff. :) There are also hidden advantages to a naturally cautious nature. Because we are risk-averse we are not the ones blindly following our little peers into dangerous situations. We are not the teenagers you worry about copying the idiots that do drugs or smoking ciggies. We are the boring, uncool ones saying 'no thanks... '.

Keep up the encouragement and reassurance. Otherwise, try not to worry too much

pigley - the harder you push the more they resist, IME. DS used to be a bit this way inclined, and I have finally learned to ignore all the "it's too hard" whinges and shrug and say "well do it if you want to". I also found that he will do stuff for teachers without question where if it were me he would chicken out - so it may go away as she does more stuff at nursery/school. Interestingly, even DD, who is generally pretty gung-ho about life and will be one of those nightmare teenagers will play the "it's too hard - I'm too little - I can't do it" card at home, but when I checked with her teacher she was - she never ever does it at school .

I guess we cant be good at everything!

You said it. Ds is kind of the opposite of your DD. He is the most gung-ho kid at any activity and has no fear of anything/anyone BUT I am starting to suspect that this might be because he hasn't processed the consequences of (eg) turning round at the top of the slide and jumping off instead of sliding down like everyone else. He also has very little concentration and is hard to engage in things like circle time- basically he likes what he likes (cars, running around and jumping off high things) and everything else is ignored. As such, at 18mo he is nowhere near where your DD is in terms of learning.

They're all different and it would be a boring world if they weren't

sorry- meant to say "was" - as in where your daughter was at 18mo in terms of learning.

Balance bike!