What would you do if you were this child's parent?

[people]

Yr6, exceptionally bright (secure level 6) best footballer in school, fastest runner, good looking, favourite with all the girls, good behaviour in class, but nasty in the playground and becoming incredibly arrogant as he gets older.

This week he's asked some Y4 girls about their private parts and then called them "sluts". He was made to write a letter of apology. He produced 2 pages of immaculate text in less than 10 mins, explaining that he was very sorry, but...teacher must taking into account all the reasons his behaviour is not always his fault. He was also given 1 day's internal exclusion from school. However, he's due to run in the district cross country on the day of the exclusion, so the PE teacher is resisting it, re-enforcing his own view that the school can't manage without him.

He's spiteful with words rather than violent and is forever telling other children that they're not good enough to be his friends, that they don't have the right clothes (he has all the brands) or that they're ugly compared to him.

I fear for him and the children who are to have to spend the next 5 years with him in secondary school.

why are you asking? are you this child's parent? teacher?

genuinely confused by this post

Sounds like he needs taking down a peg or two!

I would stop any money he gets, ground him, take away the branded clothes and put him in a boot camp over the Easter hols!

Does he have a male role model he respects or would talk to?

I would make him miss the cross country too.

What sanctions are you using at home? Did you back up the school's punishment?

I think the "big fish in a small pond" syndrome is very common in Year 6 and there often is some arrogance, especially among the sporty/popular ones. It makes High School a hell of shock, but that's a good thing - I'm sure that this time next year he'll be a more considerate, empathetic child but in the meantime you need to come down like a ton of bricks on the verbal bullying. And stop enabling it - stop buying all the right brands.

My DS has been a victim at times and I am at the way both the school and parents deal with him. He has been led to believe he is practically God and IMO it's the school more than the parents who have done this. e.g there are rules about dress, but they don't appear to apply to him and the exclusion appears to be optional if you're the school's best runner.

OTOH parent obviously providing all the stuff - he wears a huge (diamond?) stud, also against the rules, which adds to his arrogant appearance.

so you are not the parent?

How do you know all the details about what he did?

Ah that's it Gossip, I probably shouldn't but I do. Great name

I would be insisting that the rules apply. I would be making sure the exclusion stands and that he misses the cross country.

And I would be discussing with the head of pe that he is the one that needs to be the prime mover in this. He is probably the sole person at this point that can say 'dude, you need to wake up and smell the coffee. This behaviour will not be tolerated on my team. Get with it, or you're out.'

As the parent, I would be considering a full psycho -ed evaluation, and considering the setting for secondary. He sounds as though he would benefit from a setting where he was amongst more equal counterparts. A proper assessment would give a secure idea of exactly where he stands, and whether he's genuinely struggling because of his iq etc, or whether he's just built up a bit of a myth like status that hides the fact he's mr ordinary.

His peers just need to be told to ignore, tbh. Don't feed the beast, and all. In time, one of them will smack him, but it's probably a few years off.

I hope he transfers to secondary and finds himself in a class with a couple of girls who outstrip him academically and laugh at his posturing, but that's just me being a bit vindictive in response to his attitude. And sadly unlikely as the girls will just dumb down to receive his approval.

i think it's very important as to where you've got all this 'information' from

and tbh, it's pointless asking what we would do if we were this boy's parents, because it's obvious you, OP, don't think we'd be right.

what are YOU doing to stop your DC being affected by this 'behaviour'?

UnChartered, I've been asked by someone who is closely involved for an opinion and for help. MY DS is secure and not very upset by the treatment he (occasionally) receives from this boy, others are not so lucky.

I think that while he's in primary he's at the top of the school and will get away with it.

Once he goes into secondary he'll have a hell of a shock when he realizes that he's the youngest again and the bigger boys won't stand for his crap.

If I were this child's parent, I'd ruffle his oh so trendy hair and say "that's the way son, you show them who's boss, and I'll buy you some more designer labels and bling as a reward"

However I am NOT this lad's parent, as I have nice children who don't consider themselves demi Gods....so I have no idea how to answer your question.

The parents won't care, sadly.

so, what was your advice to this 'closely involved' person, then?

Actually pictish I think the parents do care - they have another son who also falls victim, although obviously they are pleased to have a high achieving son too. They're not academic people and I think are a bit daunted by their PFB's intellect.

That's it see UnChartered, I'm not qualified to give this advice, so I thought I'd ask some experts

Yes, yes. Intellect blah.

Get his assessed properly.ma good psych will identify exactly where he's at. Sometimes gifted kids are out of step with their peers. But sometimes perfectly ordinary kids have the Demi-god thing going on.

His parents need to work out whether he's genuinely struggling because of his ability, or whether he's being a pita.

Gifted kids can also be sensitive, polite, and have a huge friendship base.

It's possible that unwittingly his parents have encouraged the Demi god status, as they are in awe of him. So they neeeeeeed the psych report.

Well, for a start they can stop kitting him out in bling and designer sports gear and treat him like the little boy he is, instead of a showpiece.
The lad needs humility, not a fake diamond stud earring.
Then they can instill some manners into him.