DS sleeps like an angel at his Dad's, and is a nightmare at home..

[SpanglyGiraffe]

For roughly the last 4 weeks, 2yo DS has completely regressed with his sleeping. He can wake up to 4 times a night, and is getting up between 4am and 5:30. This last couple of nights he started creeping into my bed while i'm asleep, and staying there all night. Thankfully he does tend to sleep through most of the night while he's in my bed. He will also not sleep during the day anymore when he's with me, unless i take him out in the pushchair.

He goes to his dad's every Friday - Sunday, and he sleeps through without a peep, and doesn't wake up before 7. He will then have a good 2 hour nap in the morning.

WHY!? :(

His dad and I split over a year ago, and he's been staying there 2 nights a week since, so it's not a new thing. ExP & I have talked a lot about what he might do differently, and there doesn't appear to be anything obvious.

I am exhausted, and so is DS. I started work two weeks ago, which I know has probably had an effect on him, but these problems started before then.

Has anyone had any similar experiences? Is there anything i can do?!

Hi SpanglyGiraffe,

Having the same problem here. Have been separated for over a year now. However in my case it is impossible to talk to ExP and I am not sure if he can be trusted on what he says it is truth. What we are doing DP and me is allowing DD (2.7 years old) in our bed if she wakes up during the night. We didn't allowed this for 2 weeks untill I realised that I couldn't carry on like the way I was. I was getting very moody and grumpy because I was constantely tired and it was not helping. So we decided to allow her back in our bed and now she is able to do a few nights in her bed without waking up and if she wakes up she knows she can come to our bed and all of us can have a rest.

For us it was important that we all rested so we could be full of energy for the following day. You may want to consider letting him on your bed if it is working. He will grow out of it whenever he is ready and you can have a good rest

Hope this helps

Is the bedroom set up any different ? Darker or warmer?

Clutching at straws here, but I remember my DD used to sleep brilliantly at my MILs who she stayed with fairly frequently when she was under 1. However, she would always wake really early at our house!

As it's only started happening in the last 4 weeks, it might be that his overall sleep needs have changed (he needs a little less) so he's getting his fill at Dad's, then he's more restless at home hence the waking and coming to bed. I've no idea why it would be so good at one house and not the other, but I've still never got to the bottom of why my daughter would sleep so well at her grandmothers!

Is he just 2, or nearer 3?

I know it sounds bonkers as you say he's tired, but I would suggest cutting the nap he has at his fathers house, from 2 hours gradually down by 15 minutes every few days. It may (and I say may as these things are often trial and error) be that this nap in addition to the 12 hours he gets at the weekend mean he's not as tired when he comes back to you.

Other things to check - teething, illness, growth spurt. I think if these were to blame, he would be consistently up at night, not just when he's with you.

It's a really fine balance when tinkering with sleep as they can end up overtired so you then have to introduce a longer nap every few days.

Was he sleeping okay at your house before this started?

Thank you so much for all of your replies! :)

MsBaking I'm glad i'm alone, although i sympathise with you, lack of sleep is hideous. I think i am definitely swaying to just letting him into my bed if he wants to come in. Like you say, we both need the sleep. It'll be much easier all round, but still not ideal! Sorry to hear you can't trust your ExP, that must be quite difficult!

Nevercan I don't think so. He has a blackout blind up, and the temperature is maybe a touch on the warm side, but not too bad. I have put toys into his room in the hope that when he wakes up at some god awful hour he might play with them in his room quietly, but no such luck!

He turned 2 a couple of weeks ago loveis. He has always gone through phases of sleeping brilliantly, and then not so brilliantly. I moved into my Mums just before Christmas, and i was just getting him back to sleeping through, when this started. Shortening his nap does sound like a good idea, and makes sense. He seems to be permanently over tired atm, so maybe cutting his nap back will mean he may sleep better while he's here?

My mum had him all day on Monday, as I was at work, and without any fuss he went down for a nice long nap in the morning. Maybe it's just me?! He does push me a lot more than he pushes anyone else.

Maybe when he's with you, he doesn't want to nap because it's time away from you, IYSWIM? And at night he wants to be close. And the reason he sleeps well away from you is that you're not there to be close to, so he'll just get on with it? Very speculative!

Hi SpanglyGiraffe, I know it may not be ideal to let them in our bed but after 2 weeks of lack of sleep we really needed to do something about it. At the moment DD won't come to our bed every night, she will only come if she cannot fall sleep on her own. I think it is a good compromise as we all need a good night sleep d it does not mean that it will be for the rest of our lives. For sure when she will be 18 years old she won't want to come to our bed at all .

We just enjoy the nice moment huging each other when she comes to bed

I think i will just carry on with him letting him come in to my bed. It is lovely having cuddles, and we both get some sleep!

Hopefully he will grow out of it soon, and the early mornings too!

Thanks for all the replies, I didn't think there would be a definite fix, but it's nice to know i'm not on my own :)

Just a thought, but when he's at his dads at the weekend, hes probably shattered from the week, then doing stuff at the weekend with his dad, then when he'sback at yours he's all refreshed and doesn't need as much sleep? What does his dad do with him in the day on the weekend, is it lots of running around?

I know that when the DSses arrive here on a friday they are exhausted from school and always go to bed really early on a friday. In fact they've both just taken themselves off to bed tonight too because they coudn't keep their eyes open! I wish they'd stayed up a little later actually. I know they'll be up well early tomorrow!