Switching to German at 3 yrs

[Travelbird]

Hi everyone,

I was raised bilingual (German/English), and DH and I speak English at home to our 3-year-old DD. She goes to an English nursery, but also spends one day a week with my mother, who speaks only German to her, and has great understanding of German, although she only replies in English. I have a rule where we only speak in German if my mum is around, but otherwise speak English to her. We also have some German books, DVDs, etc, but again, mostly read and watch telly in English.

I've just had another DD and am wondering if I made a mistake the first time round and should be talking only German to them both (using the OPOL rule).

Does anyone one know if I've left it too late? I don't want to confuse DD, or unsettle her. She is also going through a mild stuttering phase, so don't want to make that worse, either.

I've also considered carrying on as before but hiring a German nanny so that they have some more exposure. Would this be a good compromise?

Any advice would be most welcome!

Thoughts:

The decision you make is long term, so the nanny solution might be an idea now, but won't be a longer term solution to them really being comfortable and fluent. I don't think she will be fully bilingual with what you are doing now, but may have some skills in the language. Better to push the German now without them noticing if you want to than later as they become more resistant if older and it is new.

Also I think this is more about you feeling unsettled at the change than her. She'll get used to whatever you decide as long as you are consistent.

Are you as comfortable speaking German as English? Would it unsettle you to speak German to her - this would be for the rest of her life and your relationship, not just when she/[they] is/[are] a small child.

As a family you will be the one switching languages all the time - German to the children and English to your husband? The children will be fine with it, and it would be the best thing maybe, but can you do this easily? Do you want to? Is DH happy with this?

Thanks TheWave - interestingly, you're saying pretty much exactly what DH is saying! i.e. this is a much bigger deal for me than for the DDs, and that they'll adapt no matter what I do.

I am comfortable speaking German, and happy switching between two languages (it's what I do with my parents), although my written German isn't as strong. Also, I guess I have a whole set of nicknames, phrases, ways of saying things to my older DD which I might find harder/more unnatural to say in German.

DH and my mum think I should just gradually speak more and more German to them and see how it feels, but then it's hard to be consistent...

Any more thoughts...?

My two are 4 and 2 and both bilingual. No real advice but it may be worth upping the German a bit because once they reach school age English takes over. Both of mine speak German to me at home but already dd2 is better at it because she spents more time with me at the moment.

Having said that, dd1 had delayed speech due to glue ear, so missed a lot of language development. Her grammar and sentence structure is appalling in German right now because she is putting all her energy into learning to read and write in English. I only correct her occasionally because I want her to keep speaking and not put her off.

Really think you seem keen enough to go for it now before it's too late and you regret it. Straight away with DD2 anyway and just involve DD1 more and more. She probably won't notice after a bit.

You'll have to get some more nicknames, phrases that work for you both/all three of you!

She will hear you speaking English still out of the house with others, also with DH etc anyway and will probably answer back to you in English - maybe mostly will do this forever, but the knowledge etc will be strong enough to build proper grammar, fluency with German trips, GSCE on to etc in the future.

Perhaps involve her in the German "education" of DD2 as she starts to speak. "Let's get her to answer us in German when she starts to speak." "Show her how to do those nursery rhymes"

Good luck!

Thanks! That's all very encouraging. We actually have a trip coming up to Germany so will gear up to that and see how it goes. Thanks!

Travelbird, my DH has spoken only German to our 1 year old DS since birth, so we're still eager to see how this works out (especially when I am the one who's at home with him all day and don't speak much German :( ). However, I have a wonderful set of German CDs, which I play consistently EVERY day, and excellent/fun German children's books, so I wonder how it might be if you play music at least once a day and read to them at least once a day in German. This would also help with the grammar, etc.

Thanks ckny1, I do read to DD1 in German and have just discovered all the amazing translated stuff on YouTube, but not sure if that combined with mostly spoken English is enough. But I guess it's a good founding in the language for now...

Even 'minority' parent exposure can produce good results. DS definitely understands French and is starting to talk - so far we have eau/water (well, approximately water) so take heart!

OP just speak it to DD2 and it will come more naturally with DD1. At the least she will be hearing more and if you can encourage the DDs to speak it together you're on to a winner.

Great advice Fraktal, thanks! I tried this yesterday and by the time I picked up DD1 from nursery it felt almost weird speaking English to her. Will def try German full time from next week when we go on holiday.

Thanks everyone for the great advice. Btw, does anyone know of any German toddler groups or classes in north London?