Top tips for first few weeks with Toddler & newborn (single parenting)

[Dozeyland]

DP will more than likely not be here for the birth, or until October. He will possibly be around once a week. but what are your tips for me when preparing myself for going at it alone?

I have good family support and I take my DD to playgroups a lot (have done since she was 4 weeks old) but just in general the coming home from hospital, first days, being at home alone, routines as such (DD is in a good bedtime routine at the mo since she was 12months. 7-6:30/7am), balancing attention etc

Very tough time at the moment. and trying to be strong as i have so much to be strong for. but just need some handy tips :)

DD will be 18.5months when DC arrives (if on time and not early or late)

Sorry to hear you're having a tough time at the moment. I hope it all works out for you, but understand you when you say you have much to be strong for, so I hope others come along soon with some handy tips.

I'm on my own mon-fri due to dh working away. It is hard, but the kids are worth it.

DD1 was 2years 10 months when DD2 was born. I just continued to encourage all the good behaviour saying 'DD2, look DD1 is showing you how to sit nice at the table' (when she got to the highchair stage) etc.

Also involve DD1 in caring for DD2. this is time consuming but so worth it. Fetching wipes and nappies, choosing outfit, gentle sponging in bath (her job was normally DD2 feet!).

When we do interactive stuff like story time, DD1 gets MORE stories now as we have to choose same amount of stories for DD2 (double story time we call it!). Cuddling DD2 in arms, but having DD1 snuggled up beside me so she gets mummy cuddles too.

Giving DD1 quality attention when DD2 goes for her nap. And explaining when DD2 needs mummy's attention, but I'll come watch Octonauts in 5 mins etc.

Eat well. Make extra portions (of bolognaise or whatever) and freeze in portions for easy reheat dinners on 'challenging' days. If you're getting her 5-a-day into your dd, make sure you're getting them too.

So much easier if you can keep dd routine, and work baby around it until you find suitable routine for baby too. Don't stress about finding baby routine, this will come in time - just concentrate on maintaining what you've got as it's working for you.

And being nice to yourself. It's hard work but massively rewarding. Make time in the evening for you - your favourite mag, warm bubble bath, glass of wine, whatever floats your boat.

Get some early nights sleep in the evening, because you're likely to be up during the night feeding dc2. Sleep deprivation can be awful so try to rest as much as you can - tired mummy leads to grumpy mummy (does for me).

and finally, don't be a martyr - it won't help your kids. Accept all offers of help from your good family support. They want to be involved too, so let them!

Please don't think you're going it alone, it sounds as though you have some lovely family support. I wish you all the very best for when bubba comes along - enjoy the time and don't stress about housework!

In the early days, you don't have to bathe your newborn much. I feed on demand but I also always feed baby just before starting the dinner/ story/ bath/ bed routine with my 4 yr old. After the feed I pop baby in a sling (try a closer or a wilkinet) and she sleeps so I can concentrate on DD1. A sling is your best friend, if baby likes it.
Also get hold of lots of books about babies eg spot's baby sister, waiting for baby, there's a house inside my mummy. Use them to prepare DC1 for what's about to happen. Big up to them what it means to be an elder sibling eg. we gave DD1 a 'big sister' t-shirt and a gift 'from baby'.
HTH and good luck!!

[Thanks] Thanks ladies

I have a Boba carrier, its fab, but I think its only suitable from 5 months+, or when baby reaches certain weight. will have to double check.

Yeah DD is in a good routine, and I want to try and keep this as much as possible. and definitely try to nap when they do.

DD still has a 1.5-2hr nap in the day (usually 12-2 or sometimes 12-2:30?) always has good naps when at home. When did your new baby get into a routine of having the same nap as DC1? (if any)

Yeah definitely hate feeling TOO tired, and end up snapping at poor DD. but then i snap out of it and think - "I know you're tired, but come on. she doesnt understand" good & bad days ay...

I'm planning on still taking DD to her playgroups, and keeping things active for her like she's used to, seeing family, DP and also her little playmates. And want to fit DC2 into our world and hoping he/she adapts well.

I also want MIL/SIL to have DD for an hour on a wedsnesday when I can do baby massage with DC2 (6week course like I did with DD) she benefitted, and also nice to have time with DC2 even if it is for an hour.

I'm planning on getting a britax b-dual tandem so this should be handy when out & about.

I feel so guilty some days. because I think. How is it really going to be on my own? as in... DD has had me all to herself for the past nearly 17months. and its going to be a big change for her. but i want to be able to have a nice balance with them both. not feel "guiltyt" about loving another child of ours iyswim? DD is coping very well with DP not being here. but it has had an effect. some days she gets upset easy (usually the day after seeing DP and having to leave him etc)

Its silly really me feeling like this, of course i'll love baby equally. Its just a hard feeling when its been DD & I 24/7 since DP has been away.

Not sure if i've made sense. i'm probably taking rubbish.

I just feel like I cant get TOO excited yet. I am so looking forward to meeting our new baby. but not looking forward to doing it without DP by my side. :(

Im in a similar position DH has recently started to work away, DC2 due in November and DS1 will be 3 years. I remember the long days of being on maternity leave last time especially in winter and the pure joy at seeing DH car pulling up in the drive and the prospect of some help. Dont get me wrong I loved spending time bonding with DS1 but by 6 pm the toy circuits were losing their appeal!
This time I guess will be less lonely as DS1 is such good company now but I'm conscious that DC2 may have less of a bond than DS1 with DH now that he works away. Its going to be hard work but just means making the most of the time DH is home. We'll be fine - we are women and we always manage ;)

Hi Dozy. I can't remember when we established routine for DD2 - we had a difficult birth leading to 12 days in SCBU, so those first weeks are all a bit fuzzy. But I do remember dd1 was phasing out daytime naps around when dd2 came along - so instead of double naps for us, it was quality time for dd1 when dd2 napped (still is).

It's not silly to worry how you'll feel about dc2 - absolutely normal. I was so in love with in dd1 I didn't think I could love another child (or at least not nearly as much), and worried about that. But it just seems that your heart swells to whatever size of family you have, and I really do love dd2 as much as dd1, which I didn't think was possible.

And to see dd1 always wanting cuddles from the baby and telling her she loves her, and wants to play with her etc, it makes my heart swell all the more for the pair of them! Think of the love you feel now for your dd and double it for bubba coming along! Lovely feeling.

I think you have lots of great ideas there for quality time with dd and dc2.

It's not easy doing it without dp/dh by your side. But you'll still love and enjoy your kids, and they're not babies for very long so cherish the time, as difficult as it might be at times. Being prepared for the difficult stuff will help - you've done it before so you know what's coming - up during the night, teething etc. Lean on that family support though - it's a life saver! My mum has gained a wonderfully close relationship with my girls because of the close support she gives.