Letting go as DC get older- how hard is it?

[owlelf]

Can anyone tell me how adjusting to DC growing up has felt to them as a parent?

DS is just 5 and I really can't imagine the years ahead when he grows up, becomes more independent and begins to have his own life in which I and DP will be just a small part.

I don't intend for a moment to hang on too tight to him and I'm aware that teaching him independence is important. I just can't imagine a time when our lives are more seperate.

How do you adjust to not knowing where DC are? Not knowing whether they are ok?

I hope I don't sound too rambling- I've had a lovely mothers day and it's made me wonder about this stuff....

I used to dread them being teenagers. Infact as ds's 1&2 were approaching their teenaged years I had another baby to distract me from it but, do you know, it's ok. Fortunately mine are fairly home loving and don't go far. Ds1 (16) has lots of friends and goes to lots of parties which used to worry me but he doesn't drink, thinks smoking is the work of the devil and assures me he has never seen drugs at any party he has been at and I trust him. Ds2 (14) still does a lot with me. He swims at the weekend with myself and ds3 and comes to soft play areas to help with his brother. He also quite likes shopping.

I have taken a while to let them go their own way and will still say no to ds1 if I am not comfortable with him going somewhere. I think the whole thing just evolves with time and you don't realise they are growing up until you look back and reflect on it.

It doesn't happen overnight. You gradually increase both their independence and their responsibilities as they get older... sometimes at their insistence, sometimes at yours. Various 'formal' times apart have demonstrated that he can cope without me e.g cub camp age 8 and various residential school trips since. Mine's approaching 12yo so I'm a bit behind jubilee10 but I haven't found it stressful.... quite the opposite really. I take great pride in his increasing independence and maturity and that he's not the one calling me from the campsite/holiday begging to come home etc. :)