Pictures on my sons phone

[sillysue]

Okay I am new to this, so I am hoping I get it right. My son is 12yrs old. He has an Iphone that he keeps unlocked, after forgetting his code. He has been snatching it up whenever I go near it recently. As he is a very quiet boy with little in the way of a social life, he has Aspergers, I found this odd and have never had cause to check it before due to him only ever having messages to and from family on it. Obviously I was concerned he maybe being bullied so when I was changing his bedding and he was out the room I checked it. There were no texts to be concerned about so I checked the camera roll. Well I had a shock there were a selection of pornographic photos obviously taken from websites! I have no idea what to do or how to react about this. Help please

Im sorry you have to deal with this. I don't know how best or indeed whether to approach it as he has as. But can you get a parental lock on the Internet?

Thanks for your reply. I just feel really foolish, I have always been so careful about what he does on the internet and watches on tv, but I just never considered the iphone. His ASD has a little to do with it and makes me wary about discussing it with him. He is developing and going through puberty at an alarming rate but is still emotionally immature, plays with toys meant for children half his age etc. he is also incredibly sensitive if he thinks he has done anything wrong no matter how minor he can go into complete meltdown. Example from a couple of years ago he couldn't find his lunchbox and was mortified to find out he had placed it on the wrong trolley, the one for his previous school year. This resulted in two hours of him self harming and shouting he wanted to kill himself as he felt he was so stupid. I know I should tackle it with him but I am concerned he will be devastated that I have found out and also will loose trust in me for checking his phone. Sorry for going on and thanks for listening

I'm sorry but why does your twelve year old son, with a developmental disability no less, have an internet enabled smartphone that is unmonitored? It's also concerning that you felt like you had to 'wait until he left the room' in order to read it. In our home passwords must be entered into a 'password book' and a password is changed without our knowledge the child (they are children you know, with or without a disability) loses the item for a week. His subsequent self harming and suicide threats are the result of your giving him something to play with, without obvious guidelines, and then taking it away for playing with it. Goodness me, and I wonder why kids can't follow instructions in my classroom...maybe because they have never been given any to follow at home! Please don't tell me how difficult it is to parent a child with a disability, I already know.

sillysue it's easy to get caught out like this and you won't be the first parent to have made this mistake.

First you need to lock that phone down so that he can't access undesirable material. Phone up the network provider and get the parental controls turned on. If your provider won't/can't then switch to another one.

Secondly, secure your home network. With mobile devices so common, it isn't enough to secure computers - you need to secure the wireless network too. So a quick Google for the make of your internet router and 'security' and you will find instructions on how to access the security settings to bar certain websites, passwords etc. You can buy software to do this, but most routers have it built in. Go and ask on the Geek board here if you get stuck.

Now you need to deal with talking to your son about this, and I can't pretend to know anything about Aspergers so my approach may be no help. I would suggest first of all having a general chat about how there is stuff out on the internet which is harmful, and that sometimes people are curious and see stuff they shouldn't.

Then a couple of days later, raise the subject again and ask if he has ever encountered anything that makes him uncomfortable.Try to get into a bit of discussion about it. Might he tell you at this point, do you think?

I guess that then you need to confront the issue, having laid the groundwork, confront him about his phone. Stress that this is about keeping him safe. Are there any age appropriate books about sex that you could give him? I think puberty is a very difficult time for boys as so much info in popular culture is aimed at girls, and those burgeoning feelings and desire for information that boys must have leads them to seek out this undesirable stuff without really knowing what they are getting into.

I hope that helps and you can get some good advice from others on how best to approach your son. But the tech bit is easy - just get it sorted quickly now.

I must just say finally TeacherD that I'm glad your household is so organised on this issue, and that you are certain of the right way to approach the problem. This might not be the right place to air those views so strongly though. It's easy to be wise after the event.