I love my son so much it hurts. I just wanted to say that as it otherwise sounds like I'm being horribly negative about him :(
In the last couple of months, his behaviour has got a bit difficult. He's an only child and there have been no changes to his routine. He has always been a very 'easy' child on the whole (although sleep was always, and still is an issue - he's only happy when co-sleeping cuddled up with me).
Hitting me or DH when angry has become a real issue. He knows he shouldn't do it. It's never really hard, more slapping/flapping at our faces, but it's obviously unacceptable. When it happens (because we are going to do something he doesn't want to do, like put his shoes on/change his nappy/go to bed), I'll say calmly "we don't hit; hitting hurts people and hitting is wrong" and if he carries on, I walk away immediately. He will then start crying "I want a mummy cuddle!". When I turn to look at him, he will then sob "sorry Mummy" (if he doesn't, then I will prompt him calmly) and once I accept his apology and we have a cuddle, he'll be happy again and will be reasonably compliant. I've been doing this for several weeks, but it doesn't seem to be helping much. He's still hitting when angry or frustrated. I also sometimes say "You made Mummy sad" when he hits, and he gets VERY upset at that, sobbing "make Mummy happy again", but I worry this is a bit emotionally manipulative.
The other thing is that I can't walk away when we're out and about - at the moment, I have a 'zero tolerance' policy, so if he hits, he goes in his pushchair and we leave immediately. DH thinks I should raise my voice, like he does (he doesn't shout, but he speaks loudly and it's evident there is anger there), because DS doesn't hit him so much. DH believes DS needs to know who's in charge. He feels my method of saying calmly "we don't hit" is ineffective, although he understands the reasoning behind it and also uses the 'walking away' method if DS doesn?t stop hitting after DH has firmly and loudly said "NO! We do NOT hit!".
Are we doing this all wrong? Is the problem that we slightly differ in our approach?
DS is also developing a high-pitched whine when asking for something (he will sometimes self-correct if I say, "DS, can you ask me nicely as I can't understand whining?"), and he is so contrary at the moment. I spent half an hour cringing in a coffee shop today while being stared at by a pursed-lip woman as DS loudly complained about several things, deciding he wanted something, and then he didn't, and then he did again, culminating in a tantrum, hitting and us leaving promptly.
I try to be remain calm but firm when he's being contrary - for instance, I'll offer the choice of the red spoon or the blue spoon, for instance, and a typical exchange will be:
Me: "DS, would you like to eat your dinner with the red spoon or the blue spoon!?
DS: "I want the red spoon!" (although he often mixes up pronouns, so more often than not it'll be "You want the red spoon!", which occasionally leads to a whole lot more confusion.
Me: "Okay then DS, here's the red spoon!"
DS, in whining/half sobbing voice, "I don't want the red spoon...I want the blue spoon..."
This sort of exchange happens several times a day, over the most minute things. I think DS is teething, so this could be making him more grumpy.
In the last few nights, he's woken up distressed, slapping at me while half asleep. These times he seems unaware of what he's doing and settles down again quickly.
He is utterly delightful in all other respects; he is an inquisitive and very loving little boy (he'll snuggle up at night saying "I love you Mummy" and give me kisses).
Advice hugely appreciated on how to deal with the hitting. Is it a normal phase? I never seem to see other children his age hitting their parents! I think DH thinks I'm too soft on him. Am I? It doesn't help when my (otherwise lovely) in-laws suck their teeth and make comments like "He's got a temper, that boy."
I don't know. I am worrying I am letting him down by bad parenting.