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Advice- He wants access after 3 years

2 replies

gobbledegook1 · 15/03/2012 13:44

This is my first post on here and I am not sure if this is the correct section so I hope you will bear with me. Apologies for the length!

A few years ago I was assaulted by my then partner whilst pregnant, there had been minor incidents prior but this was the first time I reported him. He was arrested and later released on bail until he appeared in court, during which time I tried to have an injunction taken out but owing to my solicitor being useless and giving me incorrect information this didn't happen.

I continued to have issues with my ex throughout my pregnancy which was logged by the police but they took no further action and advised I changed my numbers and blocked him online, I opted not to do this as he knew where I lived and I decided I would rather be harassed via phone or internet than have him turing up on my doorstep because he had no other way of contacting me.

Eventually I stopped hearing from him until the day my son was born and he came to the hospital to see him but left early because I wouldn't let his school aged girlfriend and her mum come up to the maternity ward and they were his lift. In the following 4 months I received nothing but unreasonable demands and abuse and as such he only saw his son only 3 more times either supervised or in a public place. I got the opportunity to move back down south close to my family so I jumped at the chance and effectively fled without telling him we were going or where we were going. He then tried to go to court for access but failed to attend without even notifying his own solicitor and the case was struck out. He contacted me to say it was to much like hassle and he'd be in touch in 16 years and we never heard from him again.

I met a new partner (to whom I am now engaged) soon after my move and he has raised my son as his own for the last 3 year and my son calls him daddy.

Suddenly out of the blue my son's real father has been in-touch to say he doesn't wish to cause any disruption he just wants to know he's ok and have some pics. On legal advice I gave him what he asked for. Less than 24 hours later he is now demanding contact. I have told him he thinks my partner is his father and he is too young to explain otherwise to and when he is old enough he will be told the truth and be permitted to make his own decision as to whether he wants to meet his real dad and therefore at this time I will not allow it. He is now getting nasty again and says he's taking me to court for access again.

I just want to know if anyone who may have been in a similar situation can tell me whether he will likely be granted access given his violent past, having not seen him in 3 years and the fact that my 3 year old thinks another man is his dad? What are the chances of getting any granted access held in a contact centre and also how likely would a court be to make us travel as his dad lives around 200miles away and takes around 4 hours each way on public transport? Also I only see my eldest son from a previous relationship of a weekend as he was removed from my care to that of his father because of the issues I had with my youngest's dad and thus weekend contact will not be possible on my end and once my youngest starts nursery in a couple of weeks time I intend to be working during the week.

To say its messy is an understatement!

OP posts:
CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/03/2012 14:23

My first thought is that he is bluffing, same as last time, and trying to scare you. My second thought is to suggest you get legal advice again in case he isn't bluffing. A man with a history of violence, zero interest in a child, no financial support (guessing?) and living 200 miles away is not going to have judges tripping over themselves to agree access.

gobbledegook1 · 15/03/2012 14:37

Thanks for the reply.

My legal advice was that until he has a solicitor and has made the first move there isn't anything that can be done and that they will take the circumstances into account. My other concern is that at present he knows nothing more than a rough location for us, to have me served with papers they would have to have me tracked and my address would automatically be disclosed to him, something the solicitor says there is nothing I can do to stop.

He has no financial support you are right, he lost his driving licence for what I can gather was dangerous driving and as as result lost his job as a driver. He also has another son not much older than my own who he claims he is now in contact with though I doubt he sees much of him in reality as the distance between them is even greater.

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