Apologies for the long thread. My ds is one year old, and a bit of a spirited child/hsc. He is nervous of unfamiliar situations and sensations, very aware of other people's feelings, and very very gentle. As an example, before today I had never seen him try to retrieve a toy that another child has snatched off him once; he just looks puzzled. He'd never tried to take a toy from another child either, even when it's actually his toy. He smiles a lot at, and approaches and vocalises towards other babies, but especially at toddlers (desperate to learn what they know, I guess). They tend to look away.
He's my first and it makes me sad to see that when I take him to playgroup he just gets pushed to the ground by toddlers older than him, e.g. when he's twiddling the knobs on the toy kitchen or trying to pick up a car on a playtable. Even babies his age snatch things out his hands all the time. It got so bad today that in the end he just started crying because there seemed to be nothing he could start doing without some child coming up to him, taking the thing, and generally throwing it somewhere else without playing with it themselves. There's not a lot of rescuing I felt I could do because a lot of this was happening with me right there, and I felt I couldn't stop other people's children doing their thing. Once they're not on a playmat, it seems the gloves are off. Maybe I'm a bit shy of upsetting other mums by getting a toy back off their child.
Then right at the end of the playgroup a similarly lovely smaller baby offered him a toy and my ds roughly snatched it from him. I could see that he wasn't happy doing this, but it was learned behaviour. He had been desperately trying to work out what it was that he was supposed to be doing for ages, and every time the other toddlers were doing this sort of thing to him, with me there not stopping them. I really don't want him to be learning this kind of lesson at one year old because I think he is too young and I want him to be himself for a while. He's got loads of personality and is really fun to be with, but he saves it for the people he knows and trusts. I know his dad would take him straight out of playgroup if he saw what was happening today.
It's a nice playgroup. The children are normal well-adjusted children. Mums are encouraged to go to them. But I wonder whether this is mainly to ensure we don't get stir-crazy at home. I know I never went to any pre-school till I was three or so, but I was brought up in a lovely big house with loads of kind adults around to play with, and despite being a professional person now I was a very imaginative child with no hard edges. (What a fantastic childhood I had!)
I should add that he's grown out of the playmat area at playgroup because he's crawling and standing confidently (though not walking), and loves exploring boxes and seeing how things work. Most of the toys in the baby area are things we have at home that he's not interested in for long any more, and crucially there are no Fireman Sam fire engines.