Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

I miss the old days!

14 replies

Busybee100 · 11/03/2012 17:14

Im am a new parent and have a gorgeous baby girl, she is 7 weeks old. It is getting tougher, not impossible but harder. Recently me and her dad, my partner of 5 years, have just not been getting on. We are at each others throats constantly, I am constantly snapping at him and everything he does annoys me. He tries to help with the little one it makes me mad as i know i can do it better quicker and with less fuss! the last week I have been thinking what it would be like to just up and leave! I would never do it as i love them both very much but i miss the old days of sleep and calmness! Does this make me a bad mum? Is it normal to be wondering what we do with our baby if we split up when she is only 7 weeks old??

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Tee2072 · 11/03/2012 17:22

You both probably need sleep. And you need to let go and let him do things his own way. Leave the room/the house if you have to or you will undermine his confidence with her and get no help at all.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 11/03/2012 18:06

The reason they use sleep-deprivation when torturing prisoners is because it messes with their heads. :) Try to cut each other plenty of slack, let him help without getting snappy and make a special effort to find things to smile & laugh about together until things get more settled. Also, take turns looking after baby (or take up any offers from grandparents to have her for the night) so that you both get chance to catch up on your sleep.

pictish · 11/03/2012 18:11

I think it's quite normal to be so irritable at this stage....but can I just say....don't get too frustrated with your dp over not being as efficient as you with the baby. I remember grinding my teeth at my dh changing our firstborn's nappy, as it seemed to take half a bloody hour every time he did it, but I kept schtum and let him get on with it. Best way xx

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Gemtubbs · 11/03/2012 23:01

You'll be alright and it will get better. The first few months are so tough. : )

Mjtay · 12/03/2012 07:43

Hi busybee100. Just want u to feel ur not alone. I was EXACTLY the same. Before the arrival of our DD our relationship was as close to perfect as it could be. Tiny amounts of arguing, always followed by the very useful tool of talking everything thro. Anyway.... When DD arrived, all his habits that I had previously overlooked suddenly were in HD and everything he did annoyed me! His loud voice on the phone, his loud voice full stop (ive just got the baby to sleep ffs!!) his coughing habit (at full volume of course!)
I've never mentioned this to anyone, but even I thought I didn't need/want him anymore, it was just her and I and I would be just find without him! I dreaded the weekends. All our routine would get thrown out the window.
Anyways dd is now nearly 6 months. I have loosened up alot, and adores her daddy. I still on occasion watch him doing things with her a think stuff like, "why u rolling her around like that, she's not a dog!" but I know now that is just his way and she loves him for it.

We have had many conversations about this. He says about how all his friends said their OH changed. My hubby was like "no, not my mjtay!" but I have! I think alot of it is ur maternal instinct is to protect that child no matter what! And u love ur DP more than anything then suddenly there's actually a little someone u love even more! Noone can explain that feeling to u till their arrival!

On the positive note... It does get better. Feeding times spread out a bit, u get more sleep, DP DOES get better with the baby, and u will laugh together again. U get ur evenings back lol! But for the moment, they and bite ur Tongue, but don't give urself a hard time for feeling like this.. In my eyes, it's normal. Our lives flip turn upside down, and DP only on a part time basis. They can be left feeling like they're worth nothing more than paying the bills and can feel very left out. Nothing can beat the mother baby bond, but he will improve I promise! Hope this helps a bit!! Xxx xxx xxx xxx

Mjtay · 12/03/2012 07:47

Sorry about my stupid phone 'helping with spellcheck!' hope u can phathom it out! Xx

MadameChinLegs · 12/03/2012 08:08

My DD is 12 weeks now, so this is fresh in my mind.

I was tired, and getty ratty at DH for either being too rough or too precious when doing, in my mind, simple tasks like dressing and nappy changes. I would step in, or hover over, and get even more stressed. I found I was tired and starting to get frustrated with DD as lack of sleep was giving me little patience.

In order to change this, I have had to have a firm talking to myself. I started by putting all her changing stuff in her bedroom (we live on one floor) so if DH did nappy changes or got her dressed, he took her away to do it, and I didnt follow/couldnt see. I wouold also take an hour out to go to bed, not to sleep, but a bit of TV or something, while he was on a day off. If I heard her crying, I stayed put. It was hard, but he needed to learn how to comfort her and she needed to learn to be comforted by him.

Your OH is probably feeling tense as well, as he will want to get things right so it's easier for you, but if he feels like his efforts are being underminded then he'll do less and less as his confidence lowers. I found also by saying things like "when I feed her, I generally do X" and "these vests are great, you can pull them down as well as up over her body" rather than "you should be doing X" or "why on earth are you doing that?" was effective as it was more advice rather than nagging.

Try and find a little time for yourself. It will give you the headspace and also your OH the bonding time. For us, it was in the morning. DH would get up half an hour before usual (for work) and get our DD up with him. He'd feed her, change her and have a little play while I slept, and then he would drop her back in her cot in our room to go back to sleep and get himself off to work. I'd have slept through this time, so when she woke, I was more refreshed. Plus, he got a bit of time to be responsible for her.

Thirstysomething · 12/03/2012 10:01

I often think that if someone offered me a weekend in a hotel away totally on my own, leaving the three kids and DH, I would jump at it... In my worst moments I also sometimes wish we were back in the lovely carefree spontaneous days before children. Only for a moment or two, but I can't deny that I do feel it. Lots of my friends do too, although it is something you would only admit to very best friends... or mumsnet!
7 weeks is the worst time of all IMO. It usually gets easier around three months I find. We are at 10 weeks with DC3 and life is suddenly sooo much better.
When your DP is really annoying you, can you go into a different room for a bit and escape with a book or tv? Then think how hard it would be without him at all?! Works for me.
Hope it gets better soon
x

Dutchie77 · 15/03/2012 18:03

Yes Busybee... I too miss the old days. My son is now 12 weeks. Sleeping late would be bliss. don't you find yourself wondering sometimes, what you did with all the time when baby wasn't born yet?

As long as you and your partner both understand you are irritable because the situation (lack of sleep) it will be fine. I promise... it will get better.

CharlotteBronteSaurus · 15/03/2012 18:06

the first 6-12 months is pretty horrific IMO
the shock and utter exhaustion made me soooo irritable

second time around, i made DH promise not to divorce me in the first 12mo
dd2 is now 16mo, and we are really quite pleasant to each other most of the time (a night away when she was 13mo really helped with this)

attheendoftheday · 15/03/2012 19:53

It's normal to feel like that and it will get better when you start getting some more sleep.

You have to leave your dp to do things his way (as long as it's not dangerous). He'll never become adept otherwise, and it's in your baby's best interests that you both know how to look after them (what if you get hit by a car?)

Try to be nice to each other. The best way to get through the difficult early months is together. And never, ever get into an argument about who is more tired. It will not end well.

attheendoftheday · 15/03/2012 19:54

Charlotte I might make dp promise the same when we have our next dc!

BackforGood · 15/03/2012 20:22

Very, very, very normal.
Sleep deprivation messes with your mind.
Throw in the tremendous responsibility you are now feeling and the 'scariness' of "am I getting it right" aboutevey little decision.

Learn to repeat : "It's only a phase"...... it will come in very useful over a number of years Wink Grin

Busybee100 · 23/03/2012 22:08

Thank you guys, This has been very reasuring.. i feel since posting this that things have kind of settled alot more and our little one is getting more settled with her sleeping pattern x

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread