I am a good mum

[Slink]

DD is 2.6yrs and she just does not listen to a word i say. It takes us half an hour to get ready to go anywhere, she cannot understand why i want her to walk with me instaed of running of down the road, she is horrible says she doesn't love me. She is naughty with her dad but i find i do most of the telling off, and dare i say shouting,where i find myself having to walk away.

I spoke to my husband and he said " you are with her most of the time( i am SAHM)" THEN HE SAID SHE MAY FIND ME UNAPPROPACHABLE WHEN SHE GETS OLDER, but said he did not mean that to be negative and that he shouts at her too.

Thing is i take her to places and we play then he comes home and she doesn't ant me, i gave up work to be with her and it has been great till 3months ago. She goes to preschool three times a week and always makes sure i am coming back to pick her up.

I feel i am a horrid mum who shouts at myDD and she hates me.............

I think all children go through phases of being very naughty for one parent in particular (sometimes v long phase). As it goes, its the ones who are really really good at home you have to watch out for! (they're the terrors with other people)

I think your dh is right that it's because you're the main carer, though the fact that you are a sahm is irrelevant. Also I don't see why she would find you unapproachable when she gets older - that's a bit of a weird thing to say really.

You're not a horrid mum. We all find ourselves doing things that "good mums" don't do sometimes (shouting etc), but that's because we're human. Sounds like you're doing great to me. Hope she gets over it soon!

Slink - please don't think your daughter hates you. I know how galling it can be when you've done everything for your dd all day and as soon as dh gets home it seems as though she doesn't want to know about you anymore. Really she's just happy to see her dad. I'll bet if your dh was alone with a toddler all day he would shout more too. It's easy to play the 'good guy' but your dd will respect you for setting her boundaries. You sound as though you need a break so let dh look after dd while you look after you for a few hours. You sound like a great mum.

PS dd is more inclined to take notice of dp than me when it comes to telling her off too. It's annoying, but one of those things.

Thank you, she has gone to bed and so this is me time although i may run the bath and have a soak. I need to find a different approach though i can't kep shouting at her poor thing, thats whats makes me feel like a bad mum. What DH said about being unapproachable i think coz his dad shouted at him and there were problems, but i don't shout at her all the time we play have fun, but i guess you know what i mean.

Thank you again. Tomorrow is a new day!

Slink, I know just how you feel. I remember getting into exactly this kind of situation with my DD1 when she was 2-2½. In our case it was more me being bad-tempered than her being naughty (she was born abroad, we had lived there for 4 years and had lots of friends there, came back when she was 1½, stayed with MIL, then bought house, DH had crap job at first, I didn't know anybody etc etc, after 6 months or so he got a better job and I was beginning to feel more at home so then had a kind of depressive backlash...anyway!) but it was just as you're describing it - she would hurtle to the door when he came home and ignore me all evening.

You are not a horrid mum, she doesn't hate you, and she certainly won't find you unapproachable when she's older. (My DD1 is 21 now and can approach me with anything. We still have rows too!) She is at an age where she is finding her feet and testing the boundaries, mostly yours because you're the one she's with all day, and being there all day makes you less interesting than Daddy when he comes in.

This will pass. Take advantage of her fascination with him to have more time for yourself.

Slink, yeh I know what you mean. I too am a SAHM and my dd is now 3y 1 mo and says things like "I don't like you" and "don't look at me". I too sometimes think I shout too much and feel there must be a better way. She is a daddy's girl too. I do tell him to get involved in the discipline when he's home so I'm not the ogre all the time. I often tell her I love her and she says it too and so I try to focus more on the good behaviour than bad. She has a baby brother so sometimes they are fighting for attention and this frustrates them both. She says she doesn't love me and he just screams - can't wait till they both abuse me. I don't take it personally as I know she is just testing her boundaries.

I am not a SAHM, but I am the main carer. My children take me much more for granted and behave much more badly to me than to other people (including my Dh). My DD shouts things at me she would never dare shout at anyone else. I don't think it is because they hate us mums. I think on the contrary.....They feel 100% secure in their knowledge that our love for them is absolutely unconditional. Therefore, they dare challenge us much more. When my DD says shet hates me, I know it is because she really loves me. I hope that makes sense?

Fairymum, yes you make perfect sense and I agree with you

Slink, I could have written your post or a very very similar one, and in fact I nearly did. My dd is now 2.9 years and have had the same problem with her not listening to me at all, unless I shout, for the past few months. In fact it is getting better now, and I find I am shouting a lot less now. So take heart, it's probably just a phase, she's just testing you and see how far she can go.

star charts work really well and also time out ie the naughty step. Children need to have bounderies.