Learning to cope with dd growning up and becoming independent

[Gogglemint]

Dd is now 8, and has really started to go her own way, have her own interests, not be as interested in cuddles and kisses etc. I enjoy seeing her develop like this, and she is growing into a lovely pre-teen, but I really miss my little one too.

I am trying to stop myself going in for the cuddles too often (but still climb into bed to read the bedtime story etc), but I'm finding it hard to let go as we have always been incredibly close. We are still close, but I'm not as necessary as I was.

My friends all have babies and toddlers to dote on, so it does not seem to be affecting them as much, as their oldest was always independent. I also feel like such a wilty, pathetic mum for being sad that that part of our relationship is on the wane. Is this normal? Will it fade? I really do enjoy seeing her develop, and am proud of the independent girl that is emerging, but am conscious of trying to mother her when she needs to me make her do things for herself now.

I have an 8 year old too so am watching with interest - but mostly just bumping for you :)

I have no experience as have a 2 year old, but my mum was fab at this. You sound great, it is totally normal and not wilty or pathetic to mourn any change like this, I get teary just thinking about how it will happen with me and DD eventually and hope I can be as good as my mum at giving freedom while maintaining affection and that got-your-back support.

I'm sure it will get easier as time passes but your relationship with DD will continue to grow and change over the years, go with it as much as you can, and cry into your gin when you need to (that's what I remind myself I'll be doing in 10 years' time, when in the present DD is having a trying moment).

The good news is that when they have gone through this phase, they do come back again. My DD was so independent between 9 and 13- talked a lot so no problems there, but the cuddles and "need" seemed to go. Difficult phase to go through, but now she is 16 ( and this started again about a year ago) she will always hug me hello and goodbye, come and snuggle up with me on the sofa to watch TV and if I'm in her room chatting before bed time and go to leave the room she says "Hey you didn't tuck me in!" So stick with it- it goes in phases. You sound like a lovely mum in realising already that she needs to start finding independence and enjoying see her grow up- took me a while to reach that stage!

I don't think it's wrong to miss the baby/small child needy phase but I think all that new independence and bravado often requires a lot of reassurance - even if they don't say so. In our house (DS is 11) you'll often hear 'Never get too big to give your old mum a hug, will you?' and, so far, we're good.

" 'Never get too big to give your old mum a hug, will you?'"

God, I hope not.

I know how you feel. DD is 18, so i've been through it all. At some point they become so obnoxious that you cant wait for them to leave the house.
DD2 is 11 and we are still v close, but i might be smothering her.
I remember when DD1 was a toddler and kinda mourning my lost baby. I miss the incredibly close relationship we had before DD2 was born when she was 7.
The only certain thing in life is change.

Just don't go down the route of 'we are best friends'. I was head of year at a high school and lost count of the amount of out of control teenage girls who's mums couldn't understand why this was so - I did when they muttered the immortal phrase, " but we're best friends!!!" Friendships are based on an equal power base - teenage girls need a mum in control, guiding and leading not a best mate to go clubbing with!!! I kno this is a bit off post as you are all discussing the mother daughter relationship at a much earlier age but this was my observation time and time again - suppose it had to start somewhere in their relationships.

This is a lovely thread, you sound like such a wonderful mum and like you're doing the right thing even though it's difficult. I am very close to my dm and still give her hugs and I'm 34 so don't fret too much!

My ds is only 1 yo and it feels like an eternity until he'll get to 8 but I hope I feel the same as you when he does. Have a and relax, it is normal

Mine are 9 and 11 and they still want cuddles - this makes the independence easier to handle. I've found that letting go bit by bit and focusing on the positives helps ; for instance, when DD1 turns 12 she will no longer be going to before- and after school club but will be going to school independently, walking with her friends - I'll be saving £200 a month in fees, for a start .

Then when DD2 goes to secondary in 2 and a bit years (sob) I'm focusing on the positive of having her go to school by herself too, which means I'll be able to get up almost an hour later than I do now and still get to work on time.

I can totally understand where you are coming from. My dd is 6yo and already independent with washing her hair and combing it through which sounds ridiculous but makes me sad as it was a little thing that I liked doing for her [soppy mother emicom]

Tonight was another little milestone as I cudddled up next to her in bed to read her a bedtime story and she read it

Thank you all for all the kind comments. I will get used to it, and she very obviously still loves me, but I need to move on to Stage 3 (or 4, or whatever it is now) of parenthood!

My eldest is 7 and I feel like this even though I have a toddler to keep me on my toes.