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Hello & help with MIL

9 replies

littlemslazybones · 08/03/2012 12:50

Hello,

I've been lurking on this board for just a few days and it's a relief to find somewhere where parents chat that's not just a casual excuse for a mum-bashing bitchfest.

At the risk of appearing like a boring cliché from the very outset, I could use some helpful advice about my MIL.

Right, so after a good few years, I have made peace with the gap between the type of mother I wanted and thought I would be and the mother I am. The biggest gap being that state of the bloody house. I get the operational stuff done that allows for generally decent living standards and then I call it quits and play with the kids (ages 4 & 2) and/or read a book or anything else.

MIL, who lives abroad, will be staying for a few weeks and dh will be in hiding (working). I already have knots in my stomach. She is a complete Type A personality, never sits down, always perfect, she takes housework VERY seriously. I'm a disappointment to her. Last time she came she phoned home to say she had 'gone native' and hadn't ironed her clothes, this provoked hilarity from whoever was at the end of the phone.

I'm not normally such a bloody wimp, honestly. I'm torn. On the one hand, I'm tempted to hire cleaners to do a deep clean before she comes, get the laundrette to iron all the clothes, get my hair and nails done and then swan around like it's all a breeze and send her packing with some good pr. I don't want to be their family joke. On the other, I think I've come a long way to not indulge my anxieties about needing to be perfect. I think I might be fuelling this idea that I'm not good enough and that I have to fake it.

I know it's trivia. I had a crap night's sleep with my littlest.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Haziedoll · 08/03/2012 12:54

If she makes any comments I would say to her exactly what you have said in your op. You aren't superhuman and priortise spending time with the children over housework. If it really isn't good enough for her show her where the Hoover is...

Nevercan · 08/03/2012 12:57

Agreed be yourself. If she wants to tidy up then let her and send her home with thanks Smile

CogitoErgoSometimes · 08/03/2012 13:07

My mother is also a never sit down type. Her house looks like some minimialist art installation. When she visits I go to great lengths to tidy up and she walks through the door with a and says something like 'Oh you must have so busy.... didn't have time to clean'.

I used to get stressed. Now I think 'might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb', drop the lot, leave out the dusters, go off on my business trip or whatever and come home to a sparkling house. She feels all happy and superior. I get a clean house. Win - win :)

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girlywhirly · 08/03/2012 15:46

MIL is staying with you for a few weeks, so I think you deserve all the housework she wants to do under the circumstances. Otherwise she can always stay somewhere else!

thereistheball · 11/03/2012 07:39

Personally I would do the deep clean before she came. I'd do it for me more than her, to save me from being made to feel uncomfortable in my own home. In an ideal world MIL would not care about or be too discrete to mention the discrepancy between your housekeeping styles: since this is not the case, in your shoes I would control what I could, rather than wait for the tension to arise. As an added benefit, you will probably enjoy having a sparkling house!

PineappleBed · 11/03/2012 19:45

How rude of her! I'd be tempted to trot out the mumsnet classic "that was rude, did you mean it to be?" if she comments. Unless of course she's going to don the marigolds herself in which case I might say "yes, would you help me deal with the mess?"

monicamary · 11/03/2012 19:57

my mil is one of those who doesnt sit still and brings out my inferiority complex as her house is tidy but then i take a step back and realise she hasnt got little ones running about anymore so her house will be tidy(apart from when grandkids invade hers)

littlemslazybones · 12/03/2012 13:57

Thanks for your replies.

To be honest, I think I just need to remember that she has never liked me, even when dh and I were childless and the house was immaculate. We are chalk and cheese, she's always been very good at being good and I'm very good at not trying to be good (bar the baby blip).

On the up side, she loves the kids and being a grandma and the kids adore her plus she lives a very long way away Wink

I think I'll just tidy it as I would if it were anyone else coming to stay and call it a day. PineappleBed, I may have 'that was rude, did you mean it to be?' printed on a card and then hand them out as and when!

OP posts:
grrd · 12/03/2012 14:41

She is a complete Type A personality, never sits down, always perfect, she takes housework VERY seriously.

Excellent! Put her to work, I'd say.

Good luck, and just wanted to add count: yourself lucky that you MIL lives abroad...

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