violent/agressive behaviour 8 year old

[Ladyemem]

Having problems with my 8 year old son.

Most of the time is is a lovely caring boy, he works hard at school, behaves well at school.

On a daily basis he has anger outbursts. He asked to go on his computer and i told him he can't go on it until his behaviour improves and he stops being nasty to his younger sister. (he is child no 3 of 4). He then stared punching me repeatedly quite hard and i told him to stop. He then told me what you going to do about it, you can't stop me. I told him to go to his room. which he refused. After me shouted and chasing him he went to his room kicking and screaming and punching his door in, smashing up his bedroom, throwing his toys, calling me you fat idiot, i hate you, i wish you were dead. It's very upsetting. He calms down after about 10 minutes. Then we get the usual. I'm sorry. Your the best mum etc.

Awww. That sounds really hard. Also sounds like you are dealing with it in the right way on a day-to-day basis. if it carries on or gets worse, it might be worth thinking about counselling for him. It must be horrible for him too to feel so angry and then ashamed of his behaviour. He needs to find a way to deal with the strong feelings he has without getting violent and abusive, and he might need some professional help with that. It could be a middle child issue, maybe he's craving some one-to-one attention. It's hard to say when I don't know more about your situation. I wish you luck finding a way through this.

I posted about my DS (8) who is driving me crazy yesterday so I can't ignore your post! Is there anything going on at school or home that might be at the root of the anger? If not then perhaps you can agree some acceptable ways to deal with his anger? Everyone feels angry at some point but it's not on to hit etc. can he go to his room to calm down, hit a pillow, draw how he feels, run around in circles?! If he's sorry after the event and calmed down then talk to him then about whats happened and why and what needs to change.then day to day I would warn him that he can lose or earn trays like screen time by his behaviour.

don't know what the root of the anger is. Not aware of any problems at school. Often triggered when we say no to something. We have tried talking to him but he chooses not to listen. Sometimes he's just in a bad mood!