Help! I'm having twins! Already have 2 y o DS. How will I cope?

[joannita]

Had first scan last Thursday and there's more than one in there! DH and I have own company and he works very long hours. DS is great but hard work, typical toddler wanting to be more independent than he's capable of and kicking off when things don't go his way. He often doesn't sleep through the night still and rarely eats his dinners up. I was worried about coping with an extra one but an extra 2 might just send me over the edge especially if they are colicky and poor eaters like DS1.

Have been reading books about having twins and a lot of the advice terrifies me. I'll never be one of those people who freezes a month's worth of food in advance, I just don't have the will, the organisational skill or a big enough freezer. Apparently that's one of the many tips I should go with to make my life more bearable. All the tips sound so hellish. Are there any twin mums out there who have survived without resorting to such tactics. If so, how? Can I have a normal life or do I have to morph into some kind of superwoman?

Congratulations! You will be fine I'm sure. Our twins are 13 now and I would not swap them for the world! You just need to be a bit more organised maybe than a mum of a single baby and perhaps you need a bit more cash but really you just need to love them lots and give them time.

No personal experience, but just wanted to say congrats, and good luck.

My friend had two under the age of 3 years, went for baby no. 3, and got twins! She always looks quite calm, but said she just realised she had to be laid back - keep to a routine with meals and bedtime, but relax with the rest.

Fingers crossed you'll have a pair of content babies.

Thanks, I'm praying every day for content babies. DS1 cried all the time he was awake for the first 4 months. It was really grim, even though he's a charming little soul now.

Yes well, maybe you could buy some earplugs or ear putty before they arrive (joke). Seriously though we used to listen to the six o'clock news by having the subtitles on. Don't think I saw a complete tv programme for the first year.
Anyway, they may not be like DS1 at all. Even colicky babies grow out of it fairly fast too. Keep positive and have as much help as you can arrange beforehand.

Yes I've been there with the subtitles thing! That's why re-entering the abyss x2 scares me so much. Think I'll feel more positive when I catch up on some sleep, DS1 has been waking every night with a cough and taking ages to get back to sleep, meanwhile I'm lying awake worrying and obsessing about everything.

Could ds go to nursery a few dayshours a week. Go for easy to prepare foods ie baked potatoes, omelette, stir fry's during the week. No two babies are the same, they will probably not be like your ds (well, not both of them ). I'm sure the first few weeks will be a touch busy but they will be so worth it!

My friend had twins and then one more quick sharp so she has three under the age if two. She is fine and they almost look like triplets as the youngest is up and walking singe could join in

No advice I'm afraid but do come and join our thread about toddlers and little-ys. IIRC there's a couple of others in a similar situation. And congratulations!

My DD had just turned 2 when my twins were born (also girls). No you do not have to morph into superwoman, just take one day at a time and don't read any more books! Seriously, that's often a good way to scare yourself.

I'm sure you'll soon shake down into a routine of sorts. Work out what's important to you - set bedtimes for example - and what you can be more relaxed about.

Your HV can give you info about Homestart (if you have it in your area), you might find them helpful.

My three are now 5 and 3 so we've survived this far! You will be fine - feel free to PM me if you like, if you've any specific questions.

Hi, thanks everyone and Pollyblue I probably will PM you soon, that's kind of you to offer. It always helps to talk to someone who's been there!

Now looks like PILS might move over from Spain and rent a flat nearby for a bit to help us out. MIL is great, v helpful. Think it could work OK as she won't be in our house all the time so we'll still have our space. Anyway she hasn't retired yet, supposedly happening in July but not definite so I'll have to see what happens.

My dd was 3 when we had twins (two more girls!). Dd1 went to nursery three days a week. Someone told me that having twins is easier in a way - there is no school run x2, no pregnancies x2 - and you get things like potty training training and weaning done at the same time, so you don't have to go through the stress twice. We all lived on fish fingers and pasta for two years - no need to freeze. If people do offer to make meals for you, though, NEVER decline. Even if you already have a freezer full of meals, find a friend who can store the extra meals. They always come in handy.

The thing that made our life bearable was the morning walks. Every day, I would take the twins out in the buggy and dd1 would often come along too. Perhaps your dp could do this to allow you a rest in the mornings/evenings.

Don't worry AsCorruptaswhisky. I never do decline food! I am eating so much now that I'm actually getting bored with food, and I love to eat! I'm so ravenous all the time. I seem to need to eat carbs about every 2 hours through the day. By evening I'm usually topped up. It's hard work. Think these babies will come out looking like hot X buns!

Would like to send DS to nursery maybe all weekday mornings then maybe twins will fall asleep on way back from nursery and I can have a rest ( if they decide to sleep that is!)

Yes I've already ditched the twin books, it was driving me nuts! I'm worried that twins might be more likely than single babies to have reflux and colic because their digestive systems could be less well developed. Don't know if that makes scientific sense but I worry because DS had colic and suspected reflux, though not as serious as your DD's holyShmoley that must have been really tough.

So did you breastfeed both simultaneously?

I don't know if this helps, but seriously, a second baby is so much easier to deal with than the first one. Honestly, you'll ask yourself what the fuss was about with the first one. So you can probably put more energy into dealing with two than you imagine now.

Thanks holyShmoley that's 2 good tips. I was thinking logistics of feeding 2 publicly must be tough! Did you like the EZ2 Nurse cushion, would you recommend it unreservedly?

Congratulations! You'll be fine, you are already experienced with DS as Comma says. Some of the Twin Instruction Manuals are totally up their arses, so po-faced... see if you can find a twin and multiple birth group locally although I think the best parenting help is being on MN!
The things that really helped were... labour saving gadgets, the bouncy chairs, a good double buggy and most of all my besotted mum.

HI there. I have been in your situation, and you will cope. I still am in your situation, they are just a bit older. It's great. things that helped me: introducing some sort of routine from day 1 (this sounds a bit Gina - but at first without doing this I was literally awake feeding or changing babies all the time. So pretty soon I developed a routine, and when the first twin woke for a feed, I woke and fed the second one so that I could at least rest for "blocks" of time and I put them in their own room too which meant I could then sleep, finding a few local friends that have either twins or 3 children (they are invaluable as they understand the logistics involved are are often happy to help), and keeping the second sibling involved (althought they inevitably fight sometimes they are very close and do play together now they are a bit older), oh and a good double buggy. Say yes to whatever help is offered. If you can afford it hire a nanny type person even for few hours a week, for the first 2 years I made use of babysitters even when I was in - they played with one or two while I played with the other, they watched them while I got jobs done, sometimes they just came with me for a walk as I found it tricky going out. If you go down the breast feeding route, make sure you eat well, drink lots and rest when you can as it does take a lot to feed two. A superduper washing machine and tumble dryer will also make life a bit easier.

I can't pretend to be a supermum. But somehow I get through. I do cook fresh food most days - but if it is casserole, spag bog or pasta sauce I make a huge pot and freeze half in case I need it next week. That's about as organised as I get.

I admit it can be a bit chaotic (I also work), but when we all snuggle up to read at bedtime I feel amazingly lucky.

Congratulations.