If we are in a rush I tell him that [whatever it is] has to be done and would he like to do it the 'nice way' or the 'nasty way'. The nice way is with smiles and happiness, him co-operating and ending up in a big cuddle and a small reward e.g. song or story or chocolate button 
. The nasty way is a hard faced mummy doing it quickly and quietly but without involving him in the process or engaging him.
If we aren't in a rush or its bedtime then I give him three requests of increasing firmness and if he still messes around then I just say 'OK DS' and walk away and start doing something else. At bedtime I will say 'OK DS, night night, sleep tight, see you in the morning', turn the light off in his room (hall light still on) and walk out of his room and lie on my bed with my back to him. He is usually by the bed with his pyjamas in his hands within five minutes. If he is good at bedtime then he gets an extra story.
If he won't go up to bed I tidy up whilst ignoring him, turn the TV off and lounge light off and walk upstairs, pottering around so he can hear me. But generally a good old fashioned race or chase gets him scampering up the stairs to beat mummy or get away from mummy monster. Sometimes we go upstairs after tea when he is in a better mood and read books on my bed or play lego or something quietly, rather than waiting until he is grumpy and tired.
If he doesn't sit at the table for tea I sit at the table and eat mine, whilst ignoring him. His food sits there waiting for him. DD and I chat and praise the food loudly. If he hasn't sat down to eat by the time we have finished his food either goes in the bin or broken down into leftovers and put in the fridge. If he claims to be hungry he gets a banana but no dessert. I find that not giving him a snack after 3pm and not eating until 6pm means that he won't ignore his food for long, far too hungry.
If he refuses to put on his coat or hat or something I'll give him two chances and then just carry the offfending item in my bag or hand. Within a short period he is usually convinced of Mummy's wisdom.
Its much better to not get drawn in to tussles. This way he still gets his own way if he says 'no' to something but he has to take the consequences.