Should I refuse to give DD1 (2.4) something else to eat if she doesn't eat her main course?

[TickledOnion]

DD1 is 2yrs4mo old. She is a typically fussy toddler. Somedays she'll eat anything you put in front of her and somedays she'll refuse to eat something I know she loves. The other day she specifically asked for mashed potato then only ate one spoonful.

When she rejects what I have cooked, she will often ask (or I will offer) something else. She only really asks for something like fruit, yoghurt or cheese on these occasions so I normally give them to her.

My DM thinks I am being a bit too soft and that I shouldn't let her have anything else if she doesn't eat her main course. Is 2.4 too young to enforce this kind of rule?

Well I don't know anything, but do you remember that 'Nanny Knows Best' programme from years ago? It was very good I think... I've got the book and she says to not have any kind of battles at meal times and if they don't eat the main course, offer the dessert because it's just a part of the meal and not a treat and you shouldn't make it into a treat vs. do the penance of eating the main course IYSWIM....

But my DD is not even 2 yet so I don't speak from experience! I would have thought this is logical and makes sense though - I quite often don't really fancy what DH has made for dinner, even if it's something I normally like and have had before. If she's eating something and it's decent food (fruit yog etc) then I can't see the harm, but I am quite 'meh' about this sort of thing anyway. I am a 'pick your battles' sort of person and I wouldn't care about 'making' DD eat something specific. It's just not that important and she'll grow out of it anyway. The more you make it into a big deal, the more it will become one IMO...

This is an age when fussiness kicks in.
I'd suggest you offer her something you would have allowed anyway as part of the meal - such as fruit, yogurt, and not to withhold pudding, but don't offer an alternative main course. Make no fuss, and take it away.

I let 2.2y.o. DS have something else on request but not anything which requires preparation. So crackers, rice cakes, cream cheese, fruit.

We eat together though and I don't always cook things that he likes so I don't think it's fair to insist he has to eat what I give him.

I have tried withholding dessert. ie bribery: if you eat some more you can have some jelly, otherwise there's nothing else. Thing is DS (2y 2mo) routinely refuses food I know he likes, then fills up on toast later. But it might not be toast that he'll go for, I can't guarantee he will eat any one item even fruit, which he loves, so I was trying him with all kinds of stuff and ended up feeling like a right mug, especially when I'd gone to some trouble to prepare a nice meal in the first place. So anyway, the withholding tactic worked a couple of times but now it seems useless. He only eats what he feels like when he feels like it and I am powerless to predict his whims. Just be glad your DD has days when she'll eat anything, those days don't exist in our house!

My DC have always had what we were all having or nothing, I didn't plan it that way but I did BLW and just carried on letting them get on with it. The days they don't eat (or don't eat much) have never been a problem. No waking up hungry in the night or the like.

I can imagine that implementing it as a rule after previously offering alternatives could be hard. Probably worth it though.

DD is 4.3, DS 2.8.

I offer the second course (fruit/yoghurt) but don't offer alternatives and wouldn't give him toast instead of dinner.

DS does wake up hungry in the night and I'm fed up with it. Not sure where to go from here.

we do the eat or leave it and no alternative, tho fruit would probably be ok if they asked, but they know the rules nad they havent really asked for something particular if they havent eaten their dinner.

actually ds4 will sometimes try it on and ask for a cereal bar or something like that and we say no.

Thanks for all the replies. I do worry that she will be hungry and grumpy later. I might stop offering alternatives and see if she still asks.

I think the more times you allow her an alternative, the harder it's going to get to let her understand later that you don't run a cafe, and 'this' is the meal. Mine have always known that what's in front of them is the meal, if they don't eat it they will probably feel hungry later.

My eldest and youngest are great eaters, my middle one is a right fuss pot - not sure if that helps you at all?

She has grown out of it now, but if DD woke in the night (before we had gone to bed) and was hungry, I always gave her exactly the same snack - one dry oatcake and a cup of water - nothing else. I'm tougher now, if she wakes, I tell her she has to wait until breakfast.

well ds4 wouldnt eat dinner tonight, it was a tuna pasta bake, so not exactly anything outrageous, he then asked for yogurt and i said no, he had a bit of a strop but went to bed fine without asking for anything else.

my eldest has always been a great eater, ds2 was fussy when younger but generally fine now at 9yrs, ds3 has always been ok, odd fussy phase.

ds4 has been the fussiest of the lot, he is almost 4 and is gradually getting better, but we have had lots of nights where he hasnt eaten any dinner and has gone to bed hungry, we dont make a fuss, we all sit at the table to eat and you either eat it or you dont, no bribery or cajouling etc, if you eat it great, if not its taken away with no fuss or moaning etc.

dd is 15mths and will eat anything.

basically i will not make more than one meal at dinnner time and i havent ever pandered to fussyness, if they try something great, and making a decent attempt at dinner means they can have pudding (if there is one we dont ahve them very often) i dont make them clear their plates, i tend to give them a small portion and they can ask for/help themselves to more if they want, i do think a big plate full of food can be daunting for little ones. but we basically all just sit and eat together and chat etc, no mealtime battles!

Tickled, I do offer an alternative if DS asks for 'more food' (but not anything which needs any effort to prepare) because the alternative is me being up what feels like a dozen times in the night to bf a hungry boy (and on occasion, me being up for 2 hours because he's too hungry to go back to sleep and needs a snack).

However, I do so on the basis that I know there are things he consistently doesn't like (fish, potatoes, spicy things) but I'm not prepared to stop cooking them as family meals so he has the opportunity to try them. He will always try new things when requested, so we do that.

It is extremely rare for him to ask for an alternative if the dinner is something he'll normally eat.

I treat him the same way as I treat myself - I'll usually eat what I've cooked, but occasionally by the time I dish it up, I can't face it (I'm pg so I don't always feel up to eating what I chose earlier). I'll try it, and then have something different.

How are you getting on Tickled onion? Yesterday we had chicken, roast potatoes and asparagus (nice!) DS cried and said "I don't like my dinner, want chips!" without touching it, then realised potatoes were a bit like chips and ate them. He had some blueberries for afters. That's all, a tiny bit of potato and some blueberries. Tonight it was chicken & mushroom soup and bread rolls with butter. He just ate a bit of the bread and some strawberries for afters. Sorry to bore with my menus! Am now at the stage where I feel OK as long as he eats one item. He won't try things so expanding his diet is an uphill struggle.

joannita - my DS also has a propensity for fussiness which I try not to engage (sounds like you) and one thing I have found helpful is to give him a very small amount of dinner - so if I make chicken, potatos and veg, i give him one bite sized piece of chicken, a cube of potato and maybe a couple of rings of carrot.

He often seems to eat way better if he has hardly anything in front of him and asks for more and I keep giving him a little bit, maybe a bit more each time.

I don't know whether it's because a smaller amount seems less daunting, or if he likes to feel in control of what he gets, or if it's some other toddler defined success, but it really helps.

I mix in a new thing now and then with a tried and tested fave and he sometimes falls for it. Thing is, if I can encourage him to try a new thing he will often love it (peas, sweetcorn, fishcakes and sweet potato all became "faves" after initially being rejected).

DD1 (2.4 months) is also fussy about foods and I do withhold dessert if she doesn't eat enough main. This is because she would ask for a snack 30mins after she's "full" from lunch/dinner. I found withholding works as she loves fruit/yoghurt an she miraculously finishes her food!

Hiya

I've gone down the same route as JoyfulPuddleJumper - DD is offered toast and then whatever she would have had for "afters" (although it's usually yoghurt or fruit - not what I would call proper pudding!).

I did read somewhere that you need to think about what they eat over a whole week - not over a whole day - and if that is balanced then not to worry. Pesonally I also think that sometimes DD just won't be that hungry and that she makes up for it on other days when she seems to have hollow legs! That makes me relax a bit and mealtimes are less likely to become battlegrounds.

Ozziegirlie - re the portion thing I've also noticed that DD does better when she's presented with less. I seem hardwired to over-cater though...but at least the dog prospers when I've cooked too much again!

i do the one spoonful for dh one spoonful for ds2 it works a treat !

My son has just turned 3 and I am very firm with him (as with the older children) if he doesn't eat everything he's given he get's no pudding, the only exception being if its something he's not had before and he doesn't like it (but he has to be prepared to try it). He loves his pud puds (usually fruit or yoghurt, occasionally a plain fairy cake) and hates the idea of not getting any so the threat of not getting any will generally guarantee that he will soon eat up anything I know he likes.

I was much softer with my eldest and he ended up such a picky eater that mealtimes with him can be a nightmare and as he's not really keen on anything healthy with his dad constantly plying him with crap so pudding is not really an incentive unless its something sweet or chocolatey which I rarely do. I have toughened up though, in the past I would appease him with other things because I didn't like the thought of him going hungry. There are now too many kids to muck about making different for him and if I did the others would no doubt expect the same so I now take the approach that if he doesn't eat what he's given he gets nothing else and goes hungry and whilst progress is slow he is getting better.

I've just read my child won't eat and it was a real lightbulb moment, no more stress at mealtimes. ds1 still eat's about the same over a week but someday mostly carbs but next more protein. honestly read it, makes sense!

I take the approach that if they are not hungry enough to eat what I give them, then they don't need anything else.

If they finish their dinner and want something else then they get a yoghurt, if they don't finish their dinner I assume they are full and don't give them anything else. If they are having something that they haven't eaten before and don't like it then they will still get a yoghurt.

It's not about using pudding as a bribery to eat the main course, as a lot of people seem to think, simply that I don't offer more food if they haven't finished what I've given them.

When DN doesn't eat her dinner i remind her that if she doesn't eat it she will be hungry later ask her to try a mouthfull if she still doesn't want it i take it away no fuss. If she asks for something later give something bland like toast with a scrape of butter or a dry rice cake. It only works because she refuses dinner so she can have a treat or something she likes better because 'granny give me whatever i want' not sure how it would work for a genuinly fussy eater