DD's babyhood friends are all boys. Now they're 3 they don't play with her.

[lolie]

All the friends I made when dd1 was a baby had baby boys.

The children played 'together' as much as any toddlers play together but over the past 4 or 5 months, the boys have started to play together' and they don't include dd1 in their play.

We used to meet up in each others houses but once summer passed, this wasn't feasible, since no-one has the room to accommodate 6 pre-schoolers plus the siblings which have since come along. We now meet up at soft play areas and the boys all get together and run around and dd1 either tags along behind without them waiting for her, or she goes off and plays by herself.

My dd is quite an active little girl. She likes to run around and do what the boys are doing, but since they have turned 3, the gap in their abilities/play style has opened up. Perhaps it is just that all the boys have a similar personality to one another.

I can't tell if dd1 is unhappy when I place her in this situation. I like to see my friends and socialise but it saddens me to watch her playing on the sidelines of a group. I know it's not personal.... when only one boy is present, they gravitate towards dd to play with her. But, does dd1 understand this?

Is it good for her to experience 'that's just the way things are' or should I protect her from this situation and not meet up at the soft play areas with this group of friends.

I have a new baby so I no longer have the option to get into the play equipment and instigate some group play.

The other mothers are acutely aware of it too and I can tell they feel sorry for dd1. Ocasionally they'll point out dd1 to their son to try and get them to involve dd1 in their game but it falls on deaf ears and then ends up making me feel worse as it highlights that dd1 looks like Billy-no-mates.

I don't know what to do for the best.

As long as your daughter isn't getting upset, I don't see any reason why you should stop meeting your friends. This does, unfortunately, happen around this age and it just one of those things that kids have to get used to. As you say, if there is only one boy around he will happily play with your daughter, so maybe you could arrange some one-to-one playdates as well as the larger meet ups. If you are meeting at soft play areas, there is also a chance for your daughter to find some girls to play with while the boys charge around together. I'm acutely aware of the gender thing at the moment as my DD will be 3 next week and (after having two boys) I am desperate to do a "girlie" party. However, most of my friends have boys and I'm not sure how they are going to react to my planned activities of decorating biscuits and threading beads to make necklaces!!!!!

I would keep going to the soft play area if your daughter enjoys it. If you can't tell she's unhappy, she probably isn't. Some children (including mine) are quite happy to watch others and play on the sidelines or just play on their own. I don't think they should be put under pressure to be seen to play with a respectable number of other children so they don't look like Billy (or Jilly) no-mates.

You could also try inviting just one of the other families to your home occasionally - after all, there's no law saying the whole group needs to be in the same place at once, is there?

Great minds think alike, SD! Over the party, you could always give the boys an option to decorate biscuits with cars (orange and lemon slices and silver balls make quite nice Beetles). Oh, and none of my three boys ever minded making the odd pasta necklace!

I'm concerned about this happening to my dd too. All my friends who had babies at the same time as her were boys, not one girl! All her cousins are boys too. What are the odds...

Great idea about car biscuits Hallgerda, thanks