DH not happy about pregnancy - please help!

[moonwalk]

Am desperate at the moment.. am currently 10 weeks pregnant with dc3..

Dh is not happy about having another child.. (he just said to me: he doesn't want it, says I am making a big mistake by having it, am putting pressure on the whole family)... I am really despairing.

He mentions the usual reasons: finances, time, too much work, being stretched. (we could afford a third, just need to cut out some extras btw)

Anyone have any stories of their partner coming round to the idea of having another? Or being really happy once the new baby is there?

Please don't write "it takes 2 to make a baby.." am too fragile for this at the moment ;-)

But please help! I have a huge knot in my throat :-(

Couldn't read and not post, it sounds like you're having a really tough time.

DH was similar when discussing having a third child. He felt our family was complete, didn't want the responsibility of another baby etc. I persuaded him that I really wanted a third child, our family wasn't complete for me. So he reluctantly agreed to try for a third. I fell pregnant almost straight away and we just kind of got on with it. I knew he wasn't totally convinced, but we didn't really discuss it, just got on with the situation as it was.

DS2 (our third) is now nearly 2 and I asked DH the other day how he felt now about having 3 kids - the first time I've broached the subject since we conceived DS2. He said that he loves DS2 and wouldn't be without him. I still think deep down he would have stopped at 2 but he wouldn't want to not have DS2. It helps that he's a happy little chap and has been since day one pretty much. A lot of third kids seem to be like this - they just have to fit in to all the chaos of a family from the outset so are more adaptable I think.

A plus as far as I am concerned about having a third child is that DH has really come into his own as a father. He is not really into babies, but when we had DS2 he bonded with DD and DS1 in a different way as he was just generally more involved with them when I was looking after the new baby.

Hope that helps.

Thank you gold for your post! It helped a lot.

I was hoping to hear that the reluctant men still say that they would stop at 1 or 2 kids every time again, but that they also wouldn't be without their 3rd child...

I think it is good to just get on with things... you are right. That's what I've been doing too - and giving him space for his views.

That is a good point you made. I am actually already noticing that Dh is already bonding a bit more with our 2 kids. Probably to make a distinction between 3rd baby that he is "not interested in" and our 2.

Even though with this issue our relationship is still great, we are still having a laugh, etc,... That gives me some hope that this baby issue won't be a causing a total rift in our relationship.

Am glad it all worked out for you!

Dp was very a bit apprehensive when we found out I was pregnant with ds2.

His reservations about it where very valid and I agreed with them. We where not in the best place at all for another child but there was no way I was having a termination and I told Dp that.

He was very withdrawn through most of the pregnancy and started "coming round" at about 30weeks which coincided with our lives getting back on track.

Ds2 is 17months now and Dp absolutely adores him. The look of pride on his face when he held ds2 for the first time told me that everything was going to be ok.

I hope it works out for you.

Thanks Priscilla!

Yes, "withdrawn" is the right word to use.. It really sucks being pregnant "on your own". Am sorry you had to go through that as well (and goldmum in fact). Having no-one to share stuff with or even trying to get some sympathy/help because of my morning sickness, exhaustion, etc.

Am glad it all worked out for you!

Ladies - I would really love to hear more experiences.. (even if negative..)

When I found out I was expecting DC3 we were both in shock - DC 2 was 3 mths, I was on the pill and exclusively BF but it still happened.
I found out the 2nd night in our new house and it was just arghhhh.

We discussed options - so much that I went to the Dr's to talk re terminating.

After 2 weeks of both being a bit like zombies we were lying in bed when he just cuddled in rubbed my belly and said "were going to have this baby aren't we ?" - I cried as I just couldnt terminate a healthy and although earlier than planned we would have had another.

Dc3 is now 4 was a great pregnancy, birth and is really chilled - she has just slotted in. Now we have DC 4.

Although different from your situation he had to have time to think about it too plus it wasnt him who would have ah to go through with not proceeding IYKWIM.

Good luck xx

I'm the same as gold in that I had to bring dh around to the idea of dc3. There is a 10 year age gap between ds and dd2 now 8 weeks. He eventually came around saying if it was something I desperately wanted he wasn't going to keep it from me.
Now that she is here so far he is so doting, more so than he was with our older dcs to be honest.

I think people sometimes see there life taking a certain path and for us to suggest something different to that just throws them off track.

I don't think many people can meet their baby and then regret having them. So ok he may have panics during the pg bbut will fall in love once the babies here. Congratulations :)

We had our third and I really struggled as she had major colic crying 24 hours, I had major flare up of rhematoid arthritis leaving me in a disabled state and dp was working 12 he shifts. Finances were tragic and our house was cramped - guess what? I fell pg when dd3 was 5mths old! Both dp and I looked at each other in despair could we really cope? Would I survive this is already come close to throwing myself off a cliff. But don't worry its a wonderfully happy ending now 1 yr old ds plays with his 3 big sisters I adore them all so much and couldn't imagine it any other way. And yes we're still in that very cramped house :)

I believe everything is meant to be. X best of luck x

We had decided to stop at 2 as although I would have liked another DH didn't. It was a huge shock when I found out I was pregnant on Mother's Day last year (we were using condoms). DH was not happy at all but knew that termination wasn't an option for me so we went ahead. The pregnancy was tough with terrible sickness and various other problems and right up until the last month or so DH was still not excited but towards the end he started to cheer up. We both knew that once the baby was born he'd be fine but it wasn't easy. DH felt really embarrassed by the pregnancy, and that people would think he had been irresponsible as our circumstances weren't ideal - we are in a small 2 bed house.

DS3 was born in mid December and he was as smitten straight away as he had been with our other boys. When DS3 was a week old he caught RSV/bronchiolitis and ended up seriously ill on a ventilator in PICU. At one point we thought we would lose him. Thankfully he is fine now but that experience really shook us and we feel so lucky to have him. DH has no regrets about going ahead with the pregnancy and our new wee boy has slotted in to our family really well. We wouldn't be without him - and although DH wouldn't choose to have another he is less adamant than he was before, he says he knows now that accidents happen and it's not the end of the world.

I hope everything works out for you.