3 year old not confident on play equipment

[scortja]

3 year old DS is happy running around the park and playground but won't go down slides, swings, poles etc.. He doesn't want to use his trike or play at balancing on things (even if I'm holding his hand)..

He also whines 'I can't' a lot more than I think a 3 year old should - he doesn't seem to want to try anything, it's just 'I can't' over and over again..

Does anyone have any advice?! I want him to at least try things but I'm worried that insisting will make him dig his heels in.. I'm not sure this is a phase - the fear of playground stuff has been going on since about 18 months..

Hi Scortja,

My DS1 was the same and still is a little. Sometimes it's just in their character - some adults are more risk averse than others. I think it may also be to do with being first born. DS2 is the reverse - he thinks he's indestructible and is constantly having to be saved from pitching himself off high places. He's so used to being banged and bumped by DS1, falling off the seesaw is, he thinks, quite hilarious.

What's worked with DS1 is trial and error. Start small and, when he does it (jumps off the 1ft high block) shower him with praise about how brave, cool and exciting it was. Get him to talk about it too.

A few bumps and bangs won't go amiss either. It's fear of the unknown my DS1 hates. He thinks falling will hurt far more than it does - so once he's done it (fallen that is) he at least knows what can happen and that it's not so bad.

DS1 know talks about "diving and 'xploding!" when he falls off things and it's all part of the fun.

The other thing is, try not to transmit your fears to him. If you hover over him it tells him there's something to be worried about. If you're within reach but (seemingly) not watching, he feels safe you're there but not worried.

Finally, don't push him. If he insists on holding your hand for the monumental task of crossing a bridge 3 inches off the ground; hold his hand. Build his confidence slowly and soon enough he'll be charging around bouncing off things.

Thank you - its good to be reminded to take things slowly when my first thought is to try and 'toughen him up'..

When he was very little and fearless I made a point of letting him get on with it and he was quite happy falling over etc.. As he got older I noticed other parents seemed more concerned for him and I think perhaps because I didn't want to look bad I started hovering more and tossing out 'be careful', 'don't hurt yourself' etc and now its become automatic..

But when spring comes we're definitely going to spend more time outside - it'll be good for me too!

DD1 has always been a cautious one, she is 5 now and I've accepted it's just part of her personality. She has gotten braver but I don't push her to do more than she's comfortable with (she will NOT ride her bike and no amount of persuasion, anger etc will make) same as before, it's fear of the unknown so I find it really helps to talk everything through beforehand, of she knows what to expect it makes her braver!

My 3yo is cautious too. What has helped greatly is enrolling her into gym and multi-skills classes each week. It's amazing what she's now able to do when instructed and guided by a teacher.