Need some guidance on how to deal with DS 12 years

[TapasGirl]

DS 12 years old. Having issues with his peer group. He seems to fall out with his peers on a regular basis, he tells lies which his peers are beginning to see through. We have had complaints at school by parents to say he is being unkind to their sons. I have tried to talk to him on so many occasions about how he needs to think about what he is saying to his peers and that he must stop these silly lies. Have spoken to school who say that he is a lovely boy and although he does have some learning difficulties he tries really hard and offers a lot in lessons but he can say seemingly random unkind things to others. He is very sporty and gets selected for the teams etc. I feel we as a family are becoming unpopular with other parents and my feeling is my son is being seen as a PITA. It is obvious that he is excluded for play dates. He doesn't seem to be bothered by all this (on the outside anyway) and says that if one of the boys calls him names, he retaliates and they are the ones who get upset, he is the one who gets in trouble. Also he maintains that because he has a reputation for being a bad boy some of the boys try to egg him on to try to get him into trouble. I am at a loss of what to do about this and am beginning to wonder if he has some kind of social issues. Any advice on how I should take this forward will be appreciated.

BTW have name changed as don't want to be outed on here.

Does he say why he's lying? What he's lying about? Some children who struggle with insecurity will lie in order to make themselves seem more interesting, for example. Children who don't like being told-off will lie in an effort to avoid it. As a parent I take a far dimmer view of lying about misdemeanours than I do about the misdemeanour itself. Maybe that's an approach you could take.

As for 'random, unkind things'.... he obviously realises how hurtful it is to be on the receiving end or else he wouldn't retalliate. Sports teams are too often a bunch of competitive individuals looking for personal glory rather than a cooperative unit working to common goal. I wonder if there are other activities he could do which would help him work better with others in a non-competitive environment. Build his teamworking skills.

Yes, children do egg each other on to get in trouble and it takes strength of character and confidence to step away from it and refuse to get drawn in. That's something he'll learn with practice.

CES thanks for your response. He totally denies that he is lying and always seems to come up with what can be a totally reasonable reason why he said something or he will close down and refuse to discuss. with regard to the sports, if I'm totally honest this is where his strengths are (he is not academic at all nor creatively minded) so to be good at something should help with his self esteem. I am hoping that he does learn to step away when being egged on but I don't see any sign of this currently. I just feel when I go to school that I am being glared at by the other mums but perhaps these are my own issues. I suppose I am worried that he has some kind of problem with social skills and unsure how to help him. It breaks my heart to think that he will be left out in the cold if he strugges socially and as he doesn't (won't) talk about it to me I don't know how he's feeling inside.