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Parenting

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Original poster

Nightwaking - what do you do?

17 replies

Lilyofthevalley · 28/01/2006 07:39

How do you deal with night waking?
Pick up or leave to cry?
Bring baby to your bed?
Go in every time or only when distressed?
I am genuinely interested to know what other mums do about this problem and how best to stop it!

OP posts:

bobbybobbobbingalong · 28/01/2006 07:40

Depends on the age of the child.

Original poster

Lilyofthevalley · 28/01/2006 07:43

She's just over 8 months, sorry.
Interested in what mums of 6-12 month old babies do.

OP posts:

Blondeinlondon · 28/01/2006 07:48

Mine is now 11 mths
We give him approx 5 mins to see if he will settle back to sleep himself. Then he gets picked up and nappy or another feed as required and back to his bed

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cece · 28/01/2006 07:51

don't go in till as a rule they have cried and stopped, cried and stopped, cried and stopped. after 3 times they are not going to settle ime so i would then go in to see what is wrong...

bobbybobbobbingalong · 28/01/2006 07:55

Okay I would go in reasonably soon, if you wait and then go in anyway the baby is more awake, as are you.

I would only go in to a noise that woke me up though (ie not just a noise that was amplfied by a baby monitor and might not actually be that bad).

Original poster

Lilyofthevalley · 28/01/2006 08:46

How do youn lift and cuddle back to sleep without starting a sleep dependancy?

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 28/01/2006 09:03

If you are not going to comfort them then the alternative is leaving them to cry. I think talk of sleep dependancy is a load of psychobabble. Of course they are dependant on us at this age - that is normal and desirable. I would do whatever necessary to help the baby back to sleep. Babies this age do wake in the night and need assistance but many people have read books which suggests this is 'wrong' and needs 'training'. Very sad IMO.

harpsichordenvy · 28/01/2006 09:11

well lilyofthevalley it really depends on what you mean by sleep dependency.
obviously an eight month old in dependent on her parents for comfort. so you aren't creating that need, only choosing whether to meet it or not.
I would, as a general rule, go to a baby if the baby was distressed in need of comfort (sorry if that sounds circular) and not if, for example, the baby is overtired and an attempt to comfort would be counterproductive and overstimulating.
if you are worried about "making a rod for your own back" by cuddling a baby to sleep - well personally I wouldn't owrry in a baby this young (depending on how often it was needed) then one solution is to comfort and out back in the cot while still asleep.
most babies do need help ot get to sleep though. it's normal.

Original poster

Lilyofthevalley · 28/01/2006 10:49

I'm just so tired. When she wakes at night it's just for me, not even dh can console her. She wont go back to sleep for on average an hour and even then sometimes wakes as I'm putting her down in her cot and I have to start the whole hour long process again and this happens 3-4 times a night.
She slept thru the night since she was 2 months old and amazed everyone but suddenly since a christmas away from home she's started waking like this.
I feel that my tiredness is counterproductive as my ability to fuction as a human being is heavily compromised let alone functioning as a mum and entertaining a curious 8 month old all day and then sitting awake freezing each night with dd snoring on my lap and dh snoring in our comfy bed. Sorry, I'm tired, bitter and disappointed that I lost my brilliant sleeper. I want my nights back!

OP posts:

FrannyandZooey · 28/01/2006 11:50

Lily, it sounds terrible and I understand your distress. I personally would take her into your bed and get yourself some sleep. We don't know what is causing her to wake like this, but I do know that if you are next to her you can probably doze even while she is awake, and she may not even wake up so often. This phase will not last forever and you will be doing nothing wrong by helping her (and yourself) to get the sleep you both need.

8 months is very young to learn how to sleep through the night all by yourself - some babies do crack this very early, some take a lot longer. Sleep training such as CC at this age is harsh IMO and has unknown effects on the child. Allowing night times to be a pleasant time with cuddles from you, will, in the long run, help the process of learning to sleep independently. I have a son who is a very poor sleeper as well, and I find just when I think I can't handle it, things improve a bit (usually just before I am ready to sell him at a boot sale )

Angeliz · 28/01/2006 12:03

My dd is 11 months and tbh is still in my room. She wakes every night around 10 or 11 and comes into bed with me. (My only problem is that i can't always be in bed at that time. DP works away every wek and i've lots to do on a night!)
Anyway, she has taken to having a bottle again around 3 or 4.
I'm pregnant again so will have to get her into some kind of easier routine soon but tbh Lily, if you're not totally against co-sleeping i'd just take her in with you. You will feel alot more human considering how tired you sound and the cuddles are loevly+

Angeliz · 28/01/2006 12:05

BTW, i am with the School of thought that the more secure they feel now, the more independant they will eventually be so you won't have her in forever.

Seona1973 · 28/01/2006 12:35

I always went in to comfort dd but put her back down in the cot while she was still awake. I did pick up/put down i.e. pick up to reassure and put back down when calmer. If she carried on crying I repeated it until she went back to sleep. If your lo goes to sleep while being held it will be what she expects every time she wakes in order to go back to sleep.

This is more of a middle ground in that you give comfort but you dont make them dependant on you to get back to sleep. I would never leave my dd to cry for more than a few minutes and that is just to see if she will settle herself. If the crying didnt stop that is when I would use PU/PD.

You are at a classic age when seperation anxiety kicks in so I wouldnt advise a controlled crying method (although I wouldnt advise it anyway!!)

Original poster

Lilyofthevalley · 29/01/2006 11:39

Seona - does the pick up / put down routine result in less night waking?

OP posts:

knat · 29/01/2006 11:48

i too had a dd who slept through from 2months until she reached 10 months and it got progressively worse. She had a little illness at that time and that can sometimes make the sleep pattern change - similarly if she was away from home - it may be the change that has instilled the waking? It would take 1hr and 1hr 30 before i could put her back in the cot and she would stay asleep even thoughshe might wake on doing so. Eventually it got so bad that we did try control controlling - she was about 11 and a half months at that stage. We found that as she cried when she went to bed we did the controlled crying at that stage - short time leading to longer - and after 3 nights it was fine - and we didn't get it later in the night then. I'm not sure about the pick up put down method - i like baby whisperer who recommends this but i found that she still cried because she was getting some attention - however little it was. Generally she's a good sleeper - she's 2 now - but we stillhave phases of waking and crying but we don't know why she's doing it.

Seona1973 · 29/01/2006 13:30

LilyoftheValley - it must work for my dd cos she can settle herself at bedtime and through the night when she wakes. We do still have phases when she will come through in the night (teething, when she has the cold, etc) but I just carry her back to bed, tuck her in and she goes back to sleep again. I have always used some form of PU/PD and never used controlled crying/cry it out.

Yes, your lo will cry during PU/PD (dd also had a couple of vomiting incidents which werent nice!) but I figure at least I wasnt leaving her to cry alone for ages by herself. I have read that there is evidence that your lo learns to soothe themselves by being soothed by us rather than leaving them to try and figure it out by themselves.

there is loads more info on the Babywhisperer Website

Original poster

Lilyofthevalley · 29/01/2006 21:02

Thanks, I've downloaded and printed off the interview with Tracy Hogg, I've watched her program on discovery a few times and I think I'll give it a go. The one good thing on my side is that my dd used to be an excellent sleeper so I know she's got it in her!!

Thanks for all your help. Hopefully I'll be sleeping at night again in 2-3 weeks!!!

OP posts:

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