Does somtimes being fed up with being a parent make me a bad parent??? Rant alert

[MrsBigD]

Having a bit of a tumultous (sp?) time at the moment and having rotating bouts of feeling either an inept, fed up or horrible parent...

DD (10) had to undergo hip surgery just after Christmas and is on very slow recovery, managing to injure herself whenever we try to get her moving a bit more as part of the rehab, causing set-backs with the recovery. This has also lead to finding early signs of osteoporosis in the ankle of her bad leg, which she twisted whilst using her walker. This means she needs to get weight bearing and moving, which of course increases the amount of winging, potential injury and me having to 'bully' her into trying a little bit harder.

Not sure whether she's just a major klutz, lazy or enjoying being centre of attention at school and getting special treatment there because she's in a wheelchair/walking frame. I didn't mind playing 'Jeeves' for the first 4 weeks, but it's getting a bit much, not to mention that sitting in a wheelchair seems to make her more and more lazy... And I know, this sounds rather harsh a statement.

She also gets recurrent bouts of slight temperature and exhaustion (undestandably especially when we're pushing her a bit harder to get moving), which means I can't send her so school because of her 'condition'. Before the op, if she had 37.2 I'd give her panadol and off she went, but now... school is more likely to send her home (also understandably). But that means I have to take lots of annual leave from a job I've only had since September. They're good about it but I feel stressed about it.

Mentally I know that she is recovering and I should be patient and helpful etc.; emotionally I'm not quite there anymore...

DS (7) has been dealing with it remarkably well, being the helpful big/little brother. But he's starting to go off the rails as well and got into trouble at school on Friday ending up in a major fight with his best friends of all people!

Doesn't help that dh and I are additionally stressed because we have to move house as our landlord is selling.

So I'm having days where I a) don't want to get up and b) 'need' 1-2 bottles of cider, chocolate and a Xanex so that I can sleep at night... possibly first stages of depression, but I don't have time to seek counselling... and yes I probably should make time...

DH is helping where he can, but his fuse is even shorter than mine and he's working extra hours so we have the money to afford having to move (he's working the next 21 days straight!)

Thanks for reading this far, if you got this far ;)

No it doesn't make you a bad parent. Having children means you have to act like a grown up even when you don't feel like or want to be one, you're under a lot of stress at the moment; feeling guilty about feeling a bit fed up about it isn't going to help anyone.

I think you know the answer about the cider/sleeping pills - its not a good idea to be doing this every night! I'm all for a sleeping pill every now and again to break the cycle of insomnia or prepare for a big day but this sounds dangerous for many reasons - I think you need to look after yourself in order to be a good parent. Please talk to your doctor before this situation gets out of hand.

Do you have any family/friends you can call on to help with DC? I'm sorry to hear your daughter is going through a tough time at the moment, I know nothing of the physical side of what she's had done/may be developing but do you think it's possible that she's enjoying being made to feel special in some way? She probably needs a lot of encouragement, praise and confidence building at the moment; is there perhaps a hobby you could start together so she can feel she has another identity - another reason to stand out?

Your son sounds amazing, don't forget to tell him how proud and impressed you are at what a kind brother he's being!

Try and give yourself a break, emotionally I mean, it's OK to ask for help and it's totally normal to feel overwhelmed and like you want to run for the hills when it all gets too much sometimes... It's the way you handle the stress that counts not whether you're entitled to feel it. Make an appointment to see your GP tomorrow MrsBigD and 'make time' to nip this in the bud now. Good luck!

Thanks for the encouragement NiceCupOfTeaAndASitDown :) actually your name sounds like what I need LOL

I know the alcohol/pill is a slippery slope and I'm not doing it all the time. Mainly Sunday so I can think straight at work on Mondays.

My family is overseas (we're in Oz, my family in Germany and DH's family in NZ) so unfortunately not much help there besides the 'you'll be right' over the phone.

Our friends have helped a lot whilst I was in hospital with dd (slipped growth plate in the hip that needed to be put back in place and pinned back in) so that DH didn't have to take DS to work every day for over a week. So don't want to 'bother' them too much as they've already helped heaps and are all busy with their own little drama's. :) Also with DD being in the wheelchair and still accident prone I don't want to inflict the responsibility on anybody else, i.e. at play dates etc.

I'm trying to be encouraging/praising etc, with DD but sometimes I just don't have the strength anymore, especially as she's the queen of drama queens even when she's not unwell... DS is rather black & white / yes/no and he is getting lots of praise for being so helpful and DH is spoiling him with the occasional special treat.

DD loves to read, draw, sing etc. and she is good at it but because she's such a perfectionist in her eyes everybody everybody else is better. Which we keep assuring her they're not ;).

One good thing I guess is that the teenage years can't be much worse LOL