How do you handle boundaries/rules/decisions with different aged DCs?

[RedHotPokers]

DD is 5.5yo and DS is nearly 3yo.

I find I am quite often torn as to whether to only let both of them do things that are age appropriate for DS, and then feeling sorry for DD and letting them do things that are appropriate for a 5yo IYSWIM.

For example, DD has got into Ben10 and Transformers, and both of them watch it even though I feel it is probably not suitable for DS age-wise. At 3 DD only used to watch cbeebies!

Also, DD often wants to cycle outside the house, and I end up saying no because DS is too young to join her (if I am not free to watch him like a hawk), and gets really upset if she goes out without him.

How do you find a middle ground with this? I feel I am just being unfair to both of them!

It's very hard, I have 3DS's, 9,6 and 5. The 9 year old watched beebies up until about 4 and then got into Ben 10 etc and is now into Lord of the Rings and James Bond. Unfortunately, my now 5 and 6 year old has gone through this transition with him - Toy Story etc... is for babies and Harry Potter is almost comedy viewing! It's a shame but I think it goes with the territory. The only difference they have is bed time - other than that they all hang out together. Your youngest will naturally grow up quicker than the eldest did and do things quicker, like ride a bike, my eldest always looked after the little ones when they were in the garden - he is still very protective! Which is kinda nice. I personally would rather they did things together even if it meant some of the things maybe age inappropriate -

With TV we have ended up with the lowest common denominator, which mean both DS - aged 5 and 2.5 - watch beebies. Or don't because they are both bored. One thing that has worked better is DVDs of whatever programmes they both vaguely like in French or Spanish. DS1 likes them because they supplement what he does at school and DS2 likes the characters, and they both get the gist of the story enough. So they love Peppa and Fireman Sam in French and Curious George in Spanish, and I feel a bit better about the fact that they are watching TV....

The aspect of this I struggle with is making appropriate consequences for misbehaviour seem fair. For hitting DS1 looses access to the iPad for a day, whereas DS2 can choose to sit on the thinking step or go to his room to calm down. It does seem a bit unfair, but DS2s consequence would have no effect on DS1 at all, and he really does need to stop lashing out at his brother. I don't know. I also feel like I can never get it right sometimes.

Peppa Pig in French!! Whatever next! and I just went with Lord of the Rings - seriously bad parenting (on my part!!) ;)

Yeah, I know ..! Personally LOTR has my vote but my but DS1 claims to be scared of nearly every film I try, so not a chance. I only got the idea when we were on holiday in France, it rained for a week, and the only DVDs at the gite were in French. I realised they were both spellbound by Cars in French (although DS1 did watch some of it from behind a curtain) so thought I'd give it a whirl at home. Previously, I was considering bribing them to watch TV so I could have five minutes peace. This worked a treat though!

I think it is important to make it clear to younger children that sometimes older children do get privileges because of their age- such as cycling outside- and that they will get that too once they get older. And that they can't lay claim to the company of their older sibling all the time however fond they are of one another. Distract and amuse the one who gets left behind, but do not expect an older child to stick to the lowest common denominator all the time.

I agree Cory, Ds1 likes time to do his own thing and that's absolutely fine , he doesn't want to have to include them in everything he does. He does help me a great deal without being asked as it is. The twins have totally different behaviours from each other, If ds3 wanted to sit and make models/clay/paint etc then fine have fun..........dd1 however ,no way she cannot be trusted to do this activity on her own or with anyone for that matter. Its a shame she misses out but its her own doing. The same with going out in the garden or going to the shops with her big brother.