dd being bullied at new school, feel so confused and very tearful

[lostlilly]

I have got a 2nd meeting with the headteacher this afternoon. they are very supportive but it doesnt seem to be having any impact and my dd is beggin to go back to her previous school.
I dont know what to do for the best, take her out quick so she can forget about the whole experience or persist.....please help

How old is she? How long has she been there? Why did she leave her last school?

she is 8, she started this term so has been there 8 weeks, she moved because we moved house. her old school is not that far away but is a car journey and a very busy one! Plus she has given up her place with childminder so have no after school care, new school is 5 minute walk and better facilities ect but these girls are making her life a misery

how long do you leave it? I think I will just cry when I see the headteacher
:-( I just want her to be happy

Is there another local school she can attend?

You need to see what the Head suggests. Is the new school taking a robust approach and stamping hard on the bullying? Or are they being wispy washy and in denial.
If the second are there any other schools she could go to?

there are other schools but how do I know the same thing wont happen, this is the best school in the area and I was very lucky to get her in :-( surely another school would really mess her up its best to just take here back to her old one if we have to?

Well OP, my tolerance for bullying is zero.

We moved house three years ago when my ds1 was 7. We moved him from a nice, small, friendly school, where he was happy, popular and settled, to the catchment school for our new place.

He didn't settle well and was getting bullied, both by some other boys in his class, and by boys in an older class as well. He was being excluded from play and called names, as well as on occasion, physically intimidated as well. It all stemmed from him being the newbie and being vulnerable really.

After months of being at the new school, he was still miserable.

When I finally spoke to the HT about it, after things did not improve in time, it became immediately apparent that she found my son's struggle to settle in and the bullying he was enduring quite a bore, and couldn't wait to fob me off.

"Kids will be kids" I was told. I replied that MY son was a kid too, yet so far hadn't bullied anyone, to which she actually shrugged.

So I politely thanked her for her time, and moved him straight away to (yet) another school in the area, where he was treated with far more respect and kindness, and where he now continues to thrive at the age of 10.

He was at the first new school for 10 months and never did find his feet. Within weeks at the second new school, it was as if he'd been there forever.
I have no regrets in doing what I did.

I do not send my precious children to school for six hours a day to be treated like shit by other children and ignored by staff.

Check out the other schools, I urge you. What the fuck use are Ofsted reports when she's miserable?

What was the reaction/action taken by the head after your first meeting?

I guess you're probably there now, but I hope it goes well. My DS1 suffered a bit of bullying when he was a similar age. The school jumped on it straight away and he's loved school every since. I never felt fobbed off at all and DS1 was given clear instructions on what he should do it it happened again. I didn't need a 2nd meeting though.

My DS was bullied at school. My mistake was being rational and cooperative about it when dealing with the school. A SAHM friend put me straight because she hangs out with the school gate crowd and knew how other mums dealt with similar issues. Which was basically to make the biggest fuss you possibly can, put everything in writing, threaten to contact the LEA, sit on the HT until they start to be frigtened of you.... you get the picture. Go in fighting, and don't leave until they have guaranteed action, what that action will be and have given you the date for a follow-up meeting on progress.

Wow I wish I had known about that approach to take. My DD has also suffered for months and her school don't take it seriously, but I guess I was too 'nice' about it too.
I moved my DD and she started her new school this week, so she has done only 5 days. She loves it and I am sitting outside waiting to pick her up from a drama club right now.

Move again or kick up a big fuss if you can. It's hard though as they make you think like you are making it up or exaggerating.

Good luck.

lostlilly How did you get on this afternoon at your meeting?

It's horrible when your child is being bullied and all too often parents are just fobbed off. But, if we assume the school is trying sincerely to resolve matters then, just knowing the bare outlines of your case, I would be tempted to give the situation until Easter and if there is no sign of an improvement, then consider letting your daughter go back to her old school - I'm assuming she would still have a place, right?

Lostilly, how did you get on? Good I hope. My Ds was bullied on starting High school. I was at the point of making an appt to see HT when it seemed to settle. Before that I had made numerous phone calls to his form teacher, Year Leader and pastoral team and some face to face meetings.

I learnt that you obviously have to speak to those first who see your DC most e.g. class teacher and assistants, that said, if it's of a serious enough nature though, as yours is and mine was, don't hesitate to involve the HT and keep on and on at them! Don't be fobbed off, keep a diary ( short and to point) about what is happening to your DD and what school have done/said so you don't forget, which is esp. easy to do when stressed. Write a letter to HT aswell as having a meeting, best to have it on record. Demand to know exactly what they are doing about it and put across that you have ZERO TOLERANCE to it and so should they. Do they infact have an ANTI-BULLYING policy? Has the school had an anti-bullying week recently? MY DDs primary did but I'm not sure if it was local or national.

Hopefully things will improve in few weeks but if not it might do the school good to say you are going to the Governors and LEA, that is what they are there for. I know you be must exhausted with all this but are there other schools you can look at meanwhile I mean actually go in and see HT, tell them what your prob is now and get a feel for the other school to see what their attitide is like. I do hope things get sorted soon and your DD feels happier, does she have nicer children at home?