After school fights and tears

[WordsAreNoUseAtAll]

Emotions seem to be running high with our two DDs atm. DD1 is nearly 5 and is in reception, DD2 is 2 and goes to nursery three days a week.

Once they come home (as well as before school) they are getting more and more emotional. They are either really excited or crying, then they will play nicely for ten minutes, then DD2 will hit DD1, or DD1 will start crying because a TV show isn't what she thought it would be (one of the reasons I try to restrict TV) then they will start running about until one runs into a wall and starts crying, then DD2 will strip off in about two seconds flat, and while I am sorting that out, DD1 wets herself, and... it's exhausting.

It stops for tea time, but as they start getting full, or bored, or whatever, they get more restless, then DD2 will chuck her plate on the floor, DD1 gets upset at that, then they go off to play what looks like a lovely game until unrest breaks out in happyland or whatever, then we are back to madness until bathtime or bedtime.

As soon as DD2 goes to bed, DD1 will sit and or do puzzles happily, and DD2 is mostly lovely in the daytime when DD1 is at school. The girls clearly adore each other though - if I tell DD2 off for hitting DD1, DD1 tells me that it didn't hurt. DD2 takes herself to time out anyway - she seems to have learned it at nursery and will say "dear me, I naughty, I go time out now, uh oh." often before I have even noticed what she has done.

Luckily DH is on shifts where he is usually home when the girls get back (FIL does the school run for us, very kindly) but he often only gets back at 9pm when he is on the other shift, and I have pretty severe mental health issues that mean I really, really, have to avoid stress.

How can I get them to simmer down? They are so good on non school days (as long as they get some fresh air) - both very polite, DD1 is quiet and very clever but a bit awkward, DD2 is more boisterous but really loving and funny. They are both really good talkers for their age and have free choice of toys/activites but only restricted screen time, and have varied diets where they try most things - I do everything as the advice says, or at least I think I do.

So WHY the hysteria?

They're stressed out/overwrought from school/nursery, and possibly quite hungry - do they have a snack as soon as you pick them up? The sort of behaviour you describe is perfectly normal. You could try changing the routine a bit - maybe something to eat as soon as they get home, then a bath straight away. No TV, because it's a stimulant and they've had more than enough of that. Proper supper later on and some books until bedtime.

I think it's a really difficult time of the day and don't have any real answers, just sympathy. I have twins who are the same age as your DD1 and it's very much as you describe. TV will calm DS down a lot but not DD, baths are a nightmare and almost always guaranteed to wind them up.

Yesterday they'd been separated as DD was home from school and they played without incident for ages but as they got more tired they started squabbling. I do find separating them helps when they're like this but it's tough.

I hope someone has some useful advice but you're not alone.

Definitely offer a snack on collection or just as they get home. Low blood sugars makes children crankier than necessary. The rest is down to tiredness.

My DS is 12 and my DD is 10, they argue and/or fight most days before school and most days on getting home from school. Then, late at night when they should be settling down for bed they are bezzie mates and laughing and joking.......aaaaaaahhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!