SAHM - the pros and cons

[peppajay]

I am a SAHM and both my kids are at school been looking at going back to work but financially and logistically it probably isn't going to work for us. Just wondered how many mums stay home and fulfill the traditional role of a housewife these days?

I'm a sahm my son is 5 and at school , I initially planned to go back to work when he was 3 months ( full time) but I just couldn't do it , caused us financial problems etc .. But all fine now and I'm currently waiting for the perfect part time job to come up ..... If that exists !

I'm a SAHM to ds (5) and dd who is 17m. I've always been a sahm so 5+ years now and I think I'm ready to not be tbh. However, no family nearby etc so not looking to go back to work / study until wee one is at school and then it'll have to be family friendly.

Why does your title say pros and cons?

Pros:

Being available for kids anytime (homework help, sick days, therapist)
Exercise.
10 8 hours of sleep every night.
Time to do all the errands (shopping, dry-cleaning, procuring bits and bobs that children need for various activities, haircuts etc.) during the day and have evenings to relax.
Ability to pick up the children from school, take them to activities and friends' houses.

Long walks with the dogs and lots of fresh air.

A clean and tidy house.
Home-cooked meals every night.
Time to volunteer, read or study.

Cons:

Some people may imply that you are "lazy" if you cannot provide your children with the necessities of life (two shiny SUVs to travel to school in, a large period home, multiple foreign holidays and private school education).

Can you really live with that on your conscience????

Because we are trying to work out what is best for our family:

Pros

1. All the housework is done and kept on top off
2. There is no stress getting things organised for childminders/ holiday clubs
3. No needing to take time off or get altetnative cover if children are ill
4. A happier more placid household as not chasing the clock
5. Always there for the kids, kids come first and they don't have to fight for my attention as I am always there.

Cons

1. financially worse off
2. Stresses of the logistics of making it all work for us
3. boredom
4. views from others that we are lazy me not working
5. not having the new car, holidays abroad etc

We can afford for me to stay home but do go without the luxuries!!

Peanutbutterchocalate : you are so right your pros are almost the same as mine and I would say the main con I have is the opinions of others that I sit on my arse all day when in fact i hardly stop all day, doing all the stuff that comes with having kids!!!

Exactly! Looking after all the needs of your family and household can definitely be a full-time occupation and there's plenty of time leftover for MN .

Peppajay - do people really think your lazy ? I haven't experienced this but then again my 2 closest friends dont work and the rest work part time .

I'm a SAHM to two school age children.

I have time during the school day to get myself organised/sort the house etc. After school both dc's are quite active, so with me being available, they're able to continue with lots of out of school interests.
I can help with homework/projects etc on school nights, so weekends are free for family stuff.
Most meals are planned and prepared in advance.
I have time for my own interests, which also makes a bit of money here and there and I can enjoy long walks with the dogs.
I'm also able to volunteer to help at school and with school trips etc.

The downside for me, is attitudes from some other people and a few snide comments occasionally. The 'what do you do all day comments' and 'when ARE you going to get a job' type comments piss me off a bit.
We don't have a flash lifestyle, tend to have simple camping holidays and not into designer clothes or flash cars and this works for all of us. But I do think there are a few that are jealous and some that simply look down on SAHM's.

Have you considered WFH?

I went back to work full time when DD was a few months old and continued for 10 years until last year when I was made redundant. I now run my own business from home and I have found this the perfect solution to wanting to be around for my DD now she is too old for after-school/holiday clubs

I'm stupidly busy, and the house isn't spotless by any means, but I can arrange my time so I can be at home for deliveries, tradesmen etc. DD has to muck in and come along when I'm doing work-related trips (bank, wholesalers, delivering invoices etc) but she has seen and experienced things that she would never otherwise have done

DP was also made redundant recently - and is in the process of setting himself up in business as well We'll never be rich - the car will be old and there are no holidays; but we have such a fabulous lifestyle that we don't care!

I'm a SAHM too. I agree with all of the above but want to add a con.....no holidays or days off. Because all the chores and cooking are the SAHM's they are there all the time 365 days/ year.

I do the maths on working out of the house but with three children, one who is ASD and has a one to one supervision requirement at school, it's not really practical.

I do a fair bit of ebaying. We hit our £1900 PayPal limit this year because I've been decluttering and moving on toys and clothes. We buy a lot second hand to start with and often sell for more than we brought things for. The children get to reinvest the money in new to them toys at the car boot and after a few months when they grow tired of certain ones we move them on. A couple of thousand a year means we can have the occasional short UK holiday and meal out. It's luxuries money.

I'm reasonably articulate and involved in various voluntary activities (for my sanity) but regularly get asked when I'll be going to work.

I'm a SAHM and have only one school aged child -so probably could work.

The advantages I see for not working benefit the whole family especially as my DH works long hours and can't be there to pick up any slack. Also what happens during school holidays?

I feel that I have enough time at home all week so that weekends can be spent as a family, not taking turns food shopping or cleaning loos.

I really, really don't give a toss what people think of me - as long as you have enough money to get by on and don't think you'll be bored. The real truth is that because I enjoy my relaxed life, I can usually manage to be sweetness and light to my nearest and dearest. Thats got to be worth something.

Peanut spare some sympathy for 2 FT working parents who do it keep one old banger on the road and a week in Cornwall. Not us but there are an awful lot out there.

DH just about to start being a SAHD. It sounds great!!

Most working Mums like me are just envious. I'd love to do it. Hard work but so much fun too.

I have two dc and the youngest started school last September. I had been a SAHM for 6 1/2 yrs (apart from a tiny wfh job).

I started looking for a job, thinking it would take me upwards of a year to find something. I got lucky and was offered a TA job at a local school (nearby to where DCs go). Since January I work 5 mornings a week. Kids go to breakfast club for 20 minutes each morning (which costs 1/3 of my wages!).

So, from my perspective having had a term at home, pros and cons are:

Pros (of being a SAHM)

1. All the housework is done and kept on top off
2. Evenings are mainly for relaxing
3. No needing to take time off or get altetnative cover if children are ill
4. A slightly more relaxed morning (have to leave 20 mins early now I work)
5. Very stress free existance
6. Can get to the gym
7. Help out on school trips.

Cons

1. No money for treats and days out in the school holidays.
2. Views from others that we are lazy me not working
3. Loneliness
4. Boredom
5. feel guilty putting the heating on when it's just me in the house (vold draughty house).

Pros (of term time/ almost school hours job)

1. Always there for the kids, kids come first and they don't have to fight for my attention as I am always there. (save for 20 mins in the morning when they are at breakfast club). All school holidays off.
2. Most TAs are mums so there is a pretty good understanding about being off if kids are ill.
3. Sense self worth/esteem has really improved since I got a job outside the home, I feel like myself again.
4. Excuse to update my wardrobe - with "work" clothes.
5. Can still volunteer at school, in the afternoons, go there straight from my job.

Cons
1.Can't make special assemblies and similar if they are in the morning - no flexible holiday when you work in a school.

1. Pay is very low (compared to part time office work).
2. Even though work seems understanding about poorly children I would still feel very guilty about ringing in sick. I would have to be unable to rise from the bed before I rang in sick for myself.
3. Tiredness.
4. Evenings are busy and often do housework when DH is putting the kids to bed.

You're right, Katie . Your DH sounds like a keeper

Oh he is peanut he is! Redundancy saved DD from going back to FT nursery and DS have to start after my mat leave. I'm so relieved DH agreed to give it a go. Economics dictate it won't ever be me staying at home. DD fine about it so long as I do the cooking!!!