Tell me about you Nursery experiences, the good, the bad and the ugly!

[hashnag]

DD is 1 next month and about to start Nursery (2 days a week) . I have left her with family a few times but not very often or for very long periods of time. She is well socialised but I want to prepare myself so please tell me about positive and the not so positive experiences you've had.

Any tips or advice would be very welcome.
Thank you in advance!

Didn't want to leave you hangin. When I pick DS up it is my favourite part of my day! But I did miss work ( I know, shocking!)
You do think about them while you are at work and some days it is hard dropping them off. My DS took a while to settle in so probably try and get them settled before you are officially back at work in case you need to come in and pick them up as in the first day or 2 as he did have inconsolable moments.
They do get exposed to germs a bit more and so do you so do take care of yourself.

Forgot to add DS's language skills have exploded! He gets to do all the messy art staff everyday that I might not have the patience for and he's got a cute little girlfriend and is in LOVE with his key worker

We have been using the same nursery for nearly 5.5 years, with both DD and DS, very low turnover of staff, have been very supportive of issues which both of them have had and worke with us to get them as sorted as they can be mainly for DD. Will miss them when DS leaves in July.

I am sure i found it harder to leave ds1 than he found it to be left. He started at 1, is now 6 and (dd2 ,now 3 is in the nursery) still gives his favourite staff members big hugs. Both my dc have always loved nursery (bar a couple of weeks settling for ds1; no similar probs for dd2, she just wanted to be where her brother was). But do be prepared for the endless flow of lurgies in the 1st year and save your annual leave for the inevitable chicken pox!

I love not having to do messy play at home!

Lots of adults and kids to talk to means my DC's are very chatty and confident. And the variety of nursery meals means they aren't at all fussy.

Germs do tend to go round like wildfire, but I've found it eases off after a while. Now mine are older, one at school and one still at nursery, they seem to catch fewer bugs. And they've done chicken pox already.

There's the odd accident form to sign. The worst (which wasn't that bad really) was when DD had her fingernail ran over by a trike and the nail went black, it fell off a week later.

TBH as we've been with the nursery for 4 years and staff turnover is low it's just like leaving DD with family. She's got 18mo left there and I will need a box of tissues that day .

dd1 is 5, and at school
every time we go to collect 1yo dd2 from nursery together, she tells me how much she misses nursery (and this is a girl who loves her school).

dd2 took a week or two to settle, but otherwise seems to like it very much. when we went to the nursery fair on the Saturday before Christmas she ditched DH and I the instant she saw her keyworker. we hardly saw her all afternoon.

they did both have to have loads of time off in their first year though, due to all the bugs. the positive of this is that dd1 now has the immune system of an ox, and is one of very few reception kids not to have had time off this year.

Thank you so much for all your replies, making me feel much better that you all seem to have positive experiences in the main.

Nursery were also great for teaching the kids to use knives and forks. The same goes for potty training, which I didn't have to rush as nursery didn't have a deadline for them to be out of nappies, unlike some pre-schools.

And they got them doing up their own zips. As a LP it's been brilliant having other people who can train the dc's up on these things.

Sorry to bring along a negative story, but you did ask. DD went to a nursery four days a week from when she was 1. Their materials were full of the usual gubbins about sticking to the child's own routine, key person etc etc. Turned out to be complete rubbish. They never put her down for her morning nap (which she kept up long after we'd taken her out of nursery after DS was born) and she never had a key person because so many of them were on part-time/ had holidays/ went sick etc - she was with someone different every time. She never really settled - it took two months for her to stop crying when she was left - and frequently would start to wail as soon as we got to the carpark. Developmentally she almost stalled - probably partly because she was only sleeping for 40 minutes a day but also because no one at the nursery was taking an interest in her/was responsible for her. She's a super-confident, bright, sociable little girl and during this period she turned into a clingy child who needed to be rocked to sleep every night - sometimes for hours. I was really glad she was only there for five months - if I hadn't known I was going on maternity leave again we'd have had to do something else. And this was a "good" nursery by Ofsted standards.

With hindsight I would have sent DD to a childminder. I had old-fashioned ideas about CMs at the time and didn't realise they're regulated in the same way as nurseries etc (I'm now a CM myself, as going back to work after DS wasn't financially practicable) - I assumed they still sat fifteen children in front of the tv all day. With a CM you've got a calmer, family environment and you really have got a key person. Your child is also likely to have a much quieter environment to sleep in (at nursery they all sleep in the same room where they play so when one wakes up they're all awake).

That said, some children really like nursery - but I have had several parents coming to me saying they were taking their children out and looking for CMs instead - tbh I could have filled my vacancy five times over.

Another positive one for you. My DS started nursery full time at 11mo when I went back to work - he's now 2, so we've had just over a year.
He loves it, and they're really good with him. A bit clingy in the mornings, but then doesn't want to leave when I pick him up.
I don't have huge amounts of experience with children - never had crowds of siblings/cousins etc - so had no real idea on when to introduce stuff, so it's been great to have a rough idea of what he's capable of. They've got him eating with cutlery and starting to manage his own clothes waaay before I even though possible (and can blow his own nose - huge result!).
Agree with the others that they do so much more messy play than I could face at (small) home - and things that wouldn't really be practical to set up for one child with short attention span. During the snow they'd set up a whole indoor snow/ice scene with animal/dinosaurs etc, which I wouldn't've thought of in a month of sundays (I then pinch their creative ideas to do at home at the weekends!).
Anyway, while in an ideal world I'd split nursery with some time at home with him, in the (financial) circumstances I think it's fab.

Thank you for the negative. It's definitely good to hear all sides. Glad you found childcare that worked for you in the end.

They get sick a lot. Do not plan to use your annual leave for anything else, and get a home working set up arranged if at all possible. They save up conjunctivitis and chicken pox for the day before your board presentation.

So - one mediocre and one good.

DS went into a largeish nursery (large group owned) at 4 months. Building was brand new, built for purpose, and 200yds from home. The baby room was fantastic, they had a chef onsite who really cared about what the DC ate, they were completely chilled about us bringing in DS whenever suited us (so we would give him a late start if we could, although we were paying for whole days), we went through weaning as a collaborative process, we got loads of info every day. As DS went up through the rooms, all was still fine, they moved him with friends rather than worrying about artificial age boundaries, etc.

The issue was that they were losing money. The group was taken over, and the new management started cutting one thing after another. Things that had been included became extras, the chef had central purchasing forced on her so she wasn't in control of the quality of her ingredients, she wasn't "allowed" to get involved with cooking with the DC (which they loved) and she eventually left. Staff turnover shot up. They started trying to impose age barriers, and then when DS colluded with one of the remaining nice staff to get himself moved into the preschool group 6 months earlier because all his friends had been moved, the horrid room manager (a) tried to label DS "a biter" because he once bit back having been bitten and (b) made a huge issue that he "wouldn't separate well from parents" because he hated being left with her - was fine with everyone else.

I had numerous meetings with manager and was fobbed off. If we hadn't been moving I would have moved him, but nasty room manager aside he was happy and it wasn't worth 2 moves in quick succession.

DD, OTOH, went, at 6 months, to a small, community run, not-for-profit nursery. They were fab. Incredibly low staff turnover, lots of mums and grannies of nursery DC working there, family atmosphere. Scruffy (but well-maintained) portacabin-based building, but lots of care and attention into outside areas as well as inside, energy and imagination put into everything, etc, etc.

She did messy play, rhythm time, tumble tots - all the things I could never face, she did with nursery workers who entered into it with enthusiasm. They knew her and understood her. It didn't stop there being phases when she would wail when left, but there was always someone to hand her over to and I would hover out of sight and listen as she stopped crying within 30 seconds. On the vast majority of days she was happy to go, and happy to come home.

She still looks forward to seeing all the staff when she goes to the holiday clubs that they run, and some of them babysit for us occasionally. I would (and do) recommend this particular nursery to anyone.

That was an epic - sorry!

Definitely expect her to be ill a lot to start with - it's normal, but it's upsetting and a PITA logistically.

Ancient history here really. Ds and dd1 went to nursery from 5-6 months. With dd1 we had a " false start" with a really odd nursery manager - the nursery was fine then moved her and all was well.

Moved her again at 2 to a fabulous Montessori nursery ran in the owners house so they ate in " mrs j's kitchen" and watched a bit of telly as a treat in her front room at the tail end of the day when most had gone home! Ds joined the " sister" nursery up the road and moved down at 2 in the most gentle managed move that invoked mrs j herself walking up the road to take him to settling sessions etc.

Mrs j also helped manage the move to school- picking them up in the dreaded week of Half days etc. they went to after school club with mrs j nursery too. Lasting bonds were formed between school kids and small ones such that, when dd1 went to see her secondary school at the age of 10 she was swept off her feet into a big hug by a 6th former yelling "T I haven't seen you for 5yrs- I've missed you! "

Mrs jones staff were mature ladies- almost never any changes.

Unfortunately by dd2 arrival mrs j had sold the baby nursery and was retiring. We tried dd2 there but it was awful. more babies , v young " qualified" staff put in charge of the older ladies etc.

I ended up in mrs j front room in tears as I couldn't leave dd2 there. She practically matched us with auntie L from the nursery ( who I suspect had been in a similar situation over how badly she'd been treated! She became our cm and the rest is history- suffice to say dd2 at 12 pops over to" auntie L" every week or so for a cuppa and a chat even now she's 12!

Can't even remember much illness with the older 2. Dd2 had loads of ear infections though and auntie sat and cuddled her and dosed her with calpol etc.

So would I put a child in nursery now ? I'm not sure I would. IMHO it is a very corporate , profit orientated world. 15yrs ago it didn't seem so.
However I know auntie was the best childminder ever- so I'm not sure there either !

My experiences are great and better in some ways than my only nanny experience - DD and DS both went since they were one, both 3 days a week.

The nursery doesn't do organic food (in fact think fish fingers and custard ) or growing your own vegetables or yoga or French lessons etc and only has a tiny outside space but the staff are lovely and soooo loving and caring. DD gets cuddled ALL day long, with all the staff, including the manager fighting over who gets to cuddle her next. They do all that filling in of the early years thing perfectly but tbh I don't really care, it's the genuine love of all the kids that impresses me.

It's funny low staff turnover seems to be universally a good sign - my colleague (it's a work nursery) tell me the staff are almost the same as when her now 18yr old DS used to be there!

They cry (well DD does) when I leave them, but I've only been back from mat leave 6 weeks and I know she gets more attention and fun than I could ever give her which massively helps!

Be prepare for DD to be ill all the time when she first starts she will pick up every bug going. This is normal and will pass quick enough.

Have a positive approach about nursery, children/babies pick up on their parents feelings and if you are worried /stressed she will get that vibe and may have trouble settling.

Most staff have a genuine love for children, and will take very good care of your child. Your child will be given many activities and experiences that you probably wouldnt give your child at home. ie - extreme messy play

Oh provide lots of spare clothes! they have that much fun they get very mucky.

ds loves nursery and gets to do so much he wouldn't at home (football, theatre, lots of messy play,yoga,lots of interaction with children who speak a whole range of languages, part in the Christmas play). he has been since 9 months old and we will all really miss it when he leaves. I love how the staff know him so well as a person - we had a parent's. evening recently and their observations were spot on.

DD started nursery at 6mo 2days a week. She is now 19mo, does 3 days and she runs up the corridor as fast as her kegs can carry her and bangs on the door u ntil I ket her in, doesnt look back and has one very very good friend that she plays with. DD had a rough start in life and the nursery have pushed an slushed ti get the support she needs. The turnover is very low, some staff have been there 18 years, there are lots of mums working there whose children attend the nursery and it's a bit shabby but brilliant.

We have had issues with one particular worker that DD hates and I'm scared of, we struggled to let DD BLW as they used to top her up with puree and used distraction to do it leading to her flatly refusing any food and losing weight. We have also had major issues with illness, ensure you have backup plans and as above they will be ill on the day you have got something big planned.

Overall I love it, they are brilliant they do messy stuff, grow veg, stomp in puddles and it reassures me as well that my DD is doing ok.

Oh and supermarket clothes are great for nursery, inexpensive and wash ally well :)

Both my DDs went to nursery from this age and overall it was a positive experience. It takes a few weeks to settle in and don't be too alarmed if there are tears when you leave the nursery. They will usually call you or you can call them to check all is ok (and it usually is). The tears often happen after a few days or weeks when they realise that this isn't a one off! Both my DDs really benefited from the social aspect of nursery and have settled easy at preschool and primary and find it easy to make friends. Of course they enjoyed all the messy play, painting and play dough that meant I didn't have to feel so guilty about not doing it all at home.

The negative is the constant bugs and the stress it causes when you have to leave work early or take time off. I would also keep an eye on staff turnover at the nursery. If the majority of staff seem to be there a while it's a good sign of a happy workplace. If there is a high staff turnover it can be an indicator of the opposite. Just trust your instincts they are usually right.
Good Luck:)

Thank you all so much. It's great to hear about all your experiences. It's really helping me prepare myself.

Our nursery asked you provided photos of close family and I was v lazy and never quite got round to it, we were living in chaos etc. But I realised how important it was when they took a pic of my DD pointing at the photo of me and her smiling. Start thinking about what pics you could give them and be prepared :)